Motherf***er. I had no choice. Work screwed me over and I didn't want to leave you hanging until Friday. I hope you appreciate what I do for you.
Goddamn it. Alright, 2016 Ghostbusters, the review I never wanted to do. You know what the worst part is? This movie had just a few interesting things that I liked but you know how I sometimes run into movies and I can only say they are just adequate. A big ball of middle of the road. This is the antithesis of that. This is such a vacuous movie, quite possibly the most vacuous, unnecessary, biggest pile of nothing I have ever seen in my life. I don't even know how to properly talk about it, it's like the roughest sketch of the 1984 script but done by a very very poor script writer and director. No wait, I got it. It's like if a person who has never actually seen Ghostbusters but their friends are really into it, and they knew the most bare bones basics of the franchise, sat down and wrote out a story to share with those friends of theirs hoping to be accepted as part of the club. It has some semblance of recognizability but it has zero of the heart or humor of those movies. I barely have anything to say at this point. So let's talk about the brief good things I liked. I dig the new look of the Ecto-1, it's different but still nice looking. I like the progression of the proton packs, how it goes from this big blocky gun that literally needs a rolling desk full of equipment to work, to the slightly more refined backpacks, to innovative and neat gadgets like the pistols and the power glove. Leslie Jones is the best part of the movie period and made me laugh the most (and there was only 5 instances where I did laugh), she still has to work with this amateur script but can do a fair bit with it. I hold no hate to any of the main cast, I just know they should have been reigned in and given better material. Even my babe, Kate McKinnon couldn't save it, in fact the second I saw her in the trailer I thought she was going to effortlessly be my favorite character. But she wasn't really, her offbeat mannerisms and humor seemed more a product of desperately trying to stay afloat in the scene than genuine good acting. There's just so much holding me back from liking it, it's not a horrible story, it needed several friggin' drafts and re-edits but it could have been decent. For every neat little thing I liked there was 20 steps backwards. A phenomenal aura of uncomfortable silence permeated the room, almost staring into the void yet somehow much worse. If you gaze long enough into the abyss you can at least get existential and ask some monumental questions. There is no such escape in this movie. It stuns me shitless how little I can honestly say about it. It gave me so little to work with, I can't even just go on a verbal tidalwave of obscenity and abject rage because there is nothing there. It's like this zen like state where all of reality melts away into nothing and you remain with nothing to say. If our main stars had a terrific experience making this movie and have fun memories to hold onto for the rest of their lives, that's wonderful and I will never give them hell about it. But it's an unnecessary, pointless, empty shell that I will forever regret spending $3 to watch. 1 star, 1.5/10, I'm sorry I had to do this but I was going to take a bullet in some way or another, work or reviews. I can weather this. So thank you for putting up with this brief and unwanted detour, I really hope you'll join me tomorrow, goodnight.