Coraline

I liiiiiiiive!

You didn't think I was going to miss this would you? How could I not ressurect myself from the styggian abyss for the most wonderful time of the year? Coraline, a movie I could have sworn came out much earlier than 2009 and frankly I haven't seen it again in almost 15 years time (moving swiftly on from that fact), so how does it hold up? I truthfully feel this is the new stop motion cult classic focused on more spooky things, I mean Nightmare Before Christmas is waaaay too recognizable in this day and age to be a cult film anymore, and I really have not heard or seen anybody talk about this film at great length since it premiered. Oh it has a good standing and rightfully so, concerning a young pre-teen girl who after moving to a new house and finding not much to do or attention as well discovers a portal to a world where everything she wants happens buuut there's a catch to it all. It's kinda brilliant how the story takes on a straight up Grimm's Fairy Tales style with a central moral to the story but be made so recently and by Neil Gaiman no less! I'll admit I haven't read the source material so I can't fairly judge it as an adaptation, but as a film it's pretty dang good! This is the same animation studio that gave us Paranorman and Kubo And The Two Strings, and even back then Laika was delivering truly impressive and fantastic stop motion. The expressions, the environments, the movements all look superb and gives it a look no other film has. Dakota Fanning I feel didn't have to act all that much in this seeing as she was around the age of Coraline, she's got the attitude and personality and you really do get where she's coming from easily. As an only child myself it was easier to slip into a world all of my own too. I gotta give big time props to Teri Hatcher here, cause it didn't immediately click for me that she plays two roles, Coraline's mom and the perfect world mom, so she has quite a lot to play with and gets that dichotomy of overworked boring mom and affectionate magical mom, and I'll admit the origins of the perfect world do stir my imagination in part due to this character. Wasn't really expecting to see Keith David as a talking cat but hey this job surprises you often. Actually that's another thing entirely, I really did not remember a lot of the details about this movie since watching it as a young teen, I remembered Coraline with her blue hair, the magic garden, the buttons for eyes, but that was about it so it was close to watching the movie brand new again. And while the film only dips it's toes into the scary stuff it still kinda works effectively, it's not in your face horror from the word go but implied horror or for lack of a better term what I would call aftermath horror. Where you see the result or the after effects of something bad that happened, Aliens does this, certain modern horror games do this like Dead Space or Doom, and it's the imagination that you put into it that makes it scary. So it doesn't pull any punches but neither will it traumatize kids. It's a very fine balance between family film and scary movie which makes it perfect for this week. It's a very imaginative, creative, creepy, solidly good film that does deserve some more attention. I feel it's more a movie you hear in passing rather than focused on so I'm happy I could write a little about it. Give it a shot if you haven't already! I give it 3 stars, 8/10, and I will see you tomorrow for an even lesser known film.

Expendables 4

There is no way in hell I'm spelling the title the same way as the poster.

Okay guys I gotta level with you, the only reason I saw this movie in theaters, or truthfully ever, is through pure spite of the last movie. Yes I still hold unbelievable hate for that movie and was hoping against hope that this one would redeem the series for me. Did it succeed? Welllll....no. Yes. Kinda. But not really. I'd take it over 3 but it only squeezed by like a notch, a gnat's wing. So story time, villain obtains detonators for nuclear weapon and wants to start World War 3 between America and Russia. Why? Because shut up I said so. Expendables get called in to sort the situation, action ensues. Fin. I never expect much in terms of story it's all about the action and spectacle, and while I can say it's handled with great economics in terms of settings and story, everything else is ehh. Acting is decent, I still say Dolph is the best part for me anyway. The action was actually okay, they brought the blood back, you get a good deal of fights throughout, and the choreography is pretty good. I know that special effects are just a tool, a means of telling a story but crikey this was harboring on PS3 graphics I mean it looked rough, some was decent but some ain't. I hate to say it but it doesn't feel much like a theatrical film, and hand over my heart it's not much of a rental either. And I was kinda giving it some points for the pre-title sequence, they have the balls to shoot a kid and kill off one of our big main characters but it very much gets hand waved away at the end and I did not like it one bit. Cause it seems to be moving forward, getting some new blood in, not afraid to kill off main characters, but it really doesn't do much in actuality. I know the point of The Expendables is a throwback to actionsploitation films of yesteryear, and I'm far from expecting cinematic revolution when seeing a new one, but you can live without this movie. I'd give it 1.5 stars, 5/10, and if I had to rank them in case this would be the last: 

1. Expendables 2, 2. The Expendables, 3. Expendables 4, 4. Expendables 3. 

I mean perhaps some people can get a bit out of it, but I wash my hands of this and am gearing up for a tiny comeback.

A Haunting In Venice

You know I never would have suspected this series of films would be day one theater attendees, but here we are again.

When I saw Murder On The Orient Express way back in 2017 I liked it a fair bit but kinda wrote it off as a one and done, then just last year (though it seems longer) Death On The Nile came around and I was fairly interested to see it, and I think at this point with A Haunting In Venice I'm just kinda here for the Poirot films. Hell the idea of a Poirot detective story set around some spooky stuff is pretty definitively up my alley, and I'm happy to say it delivers on both respects. The year is 1947 and Hercule Poirot is retired in Venice when on All Hallow's Eve is dragged into more or less debunking a famous medium but then wouldn't you know it, a murder occurs and I'll give the film a good bit of credit for this because the case is in such supernatural waters Poirot puts up his belief in God or not depending on if he can solve the case and see definite proof of spirits. I can't say I've ever heard a crisis of faith is determined on solving a murder case so points for originality. And the film gives a good bit of atmosphere, some spookiness, and mercifully not many jumpscares! The murder and investigation I'll admit is not airtight, the movie isn't quite 2 hours so we get a lot of motive and backstory in fairly quick succession almost at the drop of a hat, but it nevertheless held my attention to the end and I somehow picked the murderer out albeit about 2 seconds before it was revealed. If this was to be the last Branagh Poirot film I'd honestly have to rewatch them all to pick overall best, but this isn't bad. The style still fits previous installments, it's directed well, the editing is sharp, and the scenery of Venice is always nice to look at. The cast is solid in particular Kenneth and Jude Hill, though Michelle Yeoh is a win always and forever! And while the bevy of characters don't get much in terms of depth and background, I'm truthfully not expecting complex three dimensional characters in a murder mystery so you take it or leave it. I'm happy with it, I love the more horror edge to it, I'm always down for a mystery and when you set one on Halloween night you got me hook, line, and sinker. I give it a solid 3 stars, 7.5/10, worth viewing in the theater I think. Next week Expendables 4, please for the love of Christ let it be better than 3!!

Metalocalypse: Army Of The Doomstar

My timing was pretty spot on with this show.

Got introduced and became a fan not 6 months ago and now I've seen the finale. The true finale to my knowledge. Isn't that serendipitous? But for real all you fans that had to go through all this shit in real time, my God the patience, dedication, and love you had for this series should get you a fucking medal. A metal medal, a really kick ass blood red, pentagram embroidered, with spikes and shit medal. I knew this movie was coming and after running across it in the video section I had no choice to buy it (got a poster and everything), and you bet your ass I'm buying the complete series whenever that happens, so let's talk about this finale. Though I hate endings to shows I love and always want more Dethklok in my life, this was a really good proper ending. All the people who fought tooth and nail to get this movie made are troopers, and boy is it an experience to see Metalocalypse in CinemaScope, with this level of animation, I mean I have rarely seen a show get progressively superior in quality like this. So after the rescue of Toki and the imminent arrival of the Doomstar, Nathan and the band have to create the song to save the world and finally confront Salacia, that's the basic gist and I don't want to divulge too much because it's totally worth watching the whole show, but the storytelling and attention to detail are prevalent. In fact this is almost entirely a drama with little comedy to be found, it buckles down and gets friggin' serious for the entire duration and while there are some laughs it has that weight and tone that shit just got real. I really like that, it adds to the finality of it all. The band gets in some dire straits here with Nathan getting a good character arc and the rest getting good character moments that work well. Obviously you couldn't just watch the film as a self contained entity, and indeed I marathoned the whole show before settling down to watch this, so I almost argue you can't judge and define it on it's own merits but take it into account with every single other episode of the show. I really enjoyed it, and some aspects that really struck me were this movie is kinda life affirming in a bizzare way and takes the stance of positivity in heavy metal, it states a few times everybody dies and you only got so much time and you either strike with a fist or offer an open hand, and while my fledgling knowledge on the metal scene isn't expansive even I know metalheads, fans of heavy metal music regardless of subgenre, are some of the most polite and kind people you could ever wish to meet. That metal music can elicit positive, thoughtful, and happy emotions I feel to be resoundingly true, and can cultivate a community that through rain, sleet, snow, or even hellfire have each other's backs. Sure it's easy to focus on the grim and brutal aspects but the difference between a song's subject matter and an individual's mindset is pretty far apart. So I loudly applaud the creators for going in such a direction. It's a satisfying end and maybe this was just the hardcore nerd in me but I got big Rise Of Skywalker vibes in the finale, if you've seen both you probably know what I'm talking about but I won't give any of the details away cause that would spoil it, and that ain't cool man. It feels odd to say but this felt very modern, with previous seasons it mostly could fit in any time period post 2000, but here it feels definitely 2023 and that's not a bad thing at all but just an observation of mine. I'm very happy Brendon and Tommy got to end this their way cause man let me tell you, this became a passion project for them and very few passion projects come to pass. I'm proud to call myself a fan, I'm thrilled I got to see this whole show now, and I reckon I'll give this film 4 stars, 8.5/10, but for the whole show start to finish I'll give it a 9/10! I'll see you guys next week with a new movie review, so be safe and rock on.

Blue Beetle

I won't lie to you for a second, this was great.

I seriously believe this to be a damn good superhero movie, and speaking as someone who walked in with next door to zero expectations I was kinda impressed. I knew of Blue Beetle but really knew no character details besides the scarab and he's best friends with Booster Gold, so this was a real introduction for me like it will be for most everyone else. Jaime is a returning graduate to his hometown of Palma City where things have went south with the family since he's been gone and gets a sort of interview with a young lady who passes off aforementioned scarab to protect it from becoming a weapon, and wha-bam! New superhero in town. The first thing I gotta tell you is I have never seen a comic book movie with as much heart, emotion, and even family dynamic as this. Jaime's family is very front and center throughout and you get attached, at least with me anyway, very quickly. The family unit is what made the entire film for me. Now that's not to say all the other aspects fell flat, not at all! The effects, the suit, the action is well done and props to them for making a legit suit for Xolo to wear. The soundtrack is heavy on the synthesizers so it's an A+ score from me. The pace is just right and the plot isn't super involved, and frankly simplicity works best for an origin. Hell a superhero movie hasn't made me get goosebumps in a long ass time and this film accomplished such a feat 3 times. I really can't stress how much heart there is, cause Jaime and the family are entirely a real believable family and act pretty much how you would in such an ass wild situation. Solid great acting throughout, the comedy may be a notch much in brief instances but when push comes to shove and emotions start rising, you feel that! Xolo Mariduena is a fantastic lead trying to grasp the gravity of these events and protect his family, he may not have a giant arc other than becoming a hero but I wouldn't dream of anyone else in the role. Belissa Escobedo I won't lie I crushed, I thought she was great even with the more groany lines she owned it and that girl can act her heart out. George Lopez got the biggest laugh out of me and man if you want anybody to trust with a secret identity trust a guy who is anti-government and thinks anything could be a bug. Susan Sarandon was an interesting choice to play a villain and while she doesn't have much to do, she still has that hateable quality and it was kinda neat to see her as a baddie. It's a rock solid production and I'll be damned it kindled a spark of hope after I've basically written off DC films, I'll even go so far off on a limb here come what may and say if this is the future of DC movies, continuity or not, the future is very bright indeed. 4 stars, 8/10, seriously give this a watch in theaters. I'm almost begging for Blue Beetle 2 and I'll gladly do more research on this character. And this is kinda it for a brief moment in time, by my calculations 4 weeks until the next new release. But who knows, something could arrest my attention along the way. Until then be safe, hug your family tight, and rock on.

The Last Voyage Of The Demeter

It's Universal, it's Dracula, of course I was going to see it.

Which is odd because when I saw this trailer I had no damn clue it was even Dracula related, it was just a vampire movie. I had to look up the film to realize it's based on a a small section of the Dracula novel and in a happy coincidence I bought the book earlier. As an adaptation it's decent, they do take certain liberties with it some I'm fine with, other instances irked me, so fans of the book be aware. So we start in the Carpathians with a band of villagers delivering 50 boxes of soil to the Demeter for travel to London, as we meet our crew and get to know them a bit before the sun sets, blood is spilled, and paranoia starts setting in. I quite like the cast in particular Corey Hawkins as the residential doctor on board very scientific through and through, Liam Cunningham as the Captain I was pretty excited to see then remembered the grim fate of the Captain in the novel and was bummed because he is a mighty fine actor, David Dastmalchian returns as the first mate hell yes to seeing my man again, Aisling Franciosi was quite good though there just to explain a bit of backstory for Dracula, those are the main players and the cast isn't very extensive but all played well. I can't rightly remember the last horror movie I saw that was a pure period piece preceding the year 1900, which I greatly enjoyed that aspect! That shit, or should I say ship is real and impressive to know they built such an extensive set, the clothing, the weapons, it all fit wonderfully. The effects are pretty solid too, the blood effects and visible damage is gruesome, and Dracula looks damn good. I'm quite pleased with how they handled the look with him as a emaciated corpse at first before turning into a humanoid bat figure, you get bits of Nosferatu in there but ultimately it's original. The only other film version I can think of that did the humanoid bat to different effect was Coppola's Dracula, so points for originality. And he is effectively freaky and creepy, and while the movie does harbor more on the jumpscare side of things which I detest they mix it up to where it's not this thundering stinger music accompanied with each fright. Maybe I was asking a bit too much to get a faithful adaptation of that brief journal entry in the novel but honestly, it's kind of a slasher story already in the book. Weird weather patterns, this atmosphere of dread, crew members get picked off one by one, but you know what? They did more right than wrong. I really only have one major grievance with this movie and that is the matter of sunlight. Believe it or not the whole vampires shirk and die from sunlight thing is an invention of film, in the book vampires can walk in broad daylight but they are much weaker, I know it's a tradition but come on! Other than that, the subtle nods and references to both the novel and certain adaptations were appreciated, I'm happy I saw it and to support another Universal Monsters movie, and I give it 2.5 stars, 7/10. Blue Beetle next week so let's see what DC's next move will be.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

Short but sweet.

Didn't really have too many expectations walking into this movie but from the trailers I saw, I liked the animation style and was pretty game for it. It doesn't do too much or get wild despite the title, it's a basic story of the turtles still in the shadows but wanting to be accepted in the human world while battling creations of Baxter Stockman. So yeah we get dang near every side Ninja Turtles character that hasn't appeared in live action yet with notable examples like Leatherhead, Mondo Gecko, even Bebop & Rocksteady make a return to animation. I do really enjoy the turtle's personalities, and don't honestly mind the many modern references cause it was always a component of the DNA and it makes sense, it's a modern retelling of the story and the humor worked. Surprisingly not as much action as you might suspect, it deals more with the drama and emotions of our very much teenage protagonists and not done bad either! Sure they know some rad moves and are pretty cool, but good God they are a buncha' dorks as teens should be. I like how April is a teen in highschool and wants to be a journalist, Splinter is very much an overprotective dad, and while Superfly isn't a great villian though he gets a truly lovecraftian upgrade near the end which is pretty amazing, you can tell it's all being a modest beginning...even though they sequel bait pretty hard. The animation style seriously was what grabbed my attention, kinda like a mix of Coraline, Kubo And The Two Strings with the Miles Morales Spider-Man movies, it's actually really cool! The music is good, decent selection of songs but I must admit I would have loved for the songs to go on longer. Voice cast brought a lot of energy and humor across the board and I'm super down to see them again in a continuation. It's worth seeing, it's a cute and simple fun movie. Now am I still kinda waiting for the day we get a movie just as good as the 1990 movie? Sure, but a good movie is a good movie and they did the Ninja Turtles with love and wanting to tell something different and I feel they succeeded. I give it 2.5 stars, 7/10! Next week, a movie I had slight interest to see but now I'm pretty stoked and I'll let you know why so stay tuned.