Superman (2025)

Yeahhhh, to say a spanner was thrown into the works would be the understatement of the decade (Doctor Who will happen I promise).

So Superman! Best comic book movie ever? Great start to the new DC universe? A piece of filmmaking that could potentially reek of 2025 or stand as a testament for years to come? Wellllll yes and no. It wasn't a phenomenal movie but it was a very good solid ass comic book movie, and to be honest that's all I wanted. Set in an already established world where Superman has been active for 3 years we follow his most recent skirmish trying to avert a war between two countties and try to stay one step ahead of the machinations of quite possibly the most xenophobic Lex Luthor in history. It's definitely an involved plot, there is quite a lot that happens and the movie is always moving, not to an extent of burnout and whiplash between scenes but it's fast. It's also quite an ensemble cast, there are so many characters and they all play into the progressing story even if they're on screen for a few minutes but it didn't seem overcrowded and overtly busy, they know when to use a character or introduce a character. It's a very light and bright superhero movie akin to the Richard Donner original but definitely has stakes and doesn't veer away from some violent moments. But it is undoubtedly very Silver Age in it's tone with robots, random monsters, a true boyscout Superman who still has some emotional baggage to sift through, it has friggin' Krypto the superdog for God's sake! To shift over to cast for a moment, David is a stalwart Superman and can pull off the Clark Kent side which very few of the actors were able to do in this long history, he gets his ass beat in this movie and really has to come to terms with some stuff but there isn't a doubt about his morals and commitment to help people which is what's great about Superman. Rachel Brosnahan was...interesting as Lois, maybe this is my shortcomings to not being very familiar with Superman but she gave Lois so much damn attitude and seemed quite prickly, I mean more than usual, which makes me both respect the hell out of her but also kinda drives me nuts. Nicholas Hoult was a very solid Lex Luthor, very easy to hate but certainly held that intelligence edge and genuinely did crack me up a bit throughout. Big time shoutout to Edi Gathegi as Mr. Terrific, a character I know precisely dick about but he won me over fast and he was a standout for me! I think this is the first time I've actually seen Nathan Fillion in something and didn't immediately adore him, Guy Gardner is an asshole and he pulled it off spectacularly with this very cocky leader type but hey he had his moments of humor so fair play to him. Do kinda wish we got more Hawkgirl but I'm just a mark for that lady and I dig Isabela Merced in this part. Big surprises in the cast list that I can't even go into now, in fact I strongly urge everyone to steer friggin' clear of the IMDB cast list cause man it's stacked. The effects were damn good, both in terms of flight and fight, I don't know man seeing Superman fly regardless of decade never quite gets old and the battles are shot inventively and you can keep up with it no problem. I do feel the music was strangely subdued throughout, even when you get soaring scores and that ridiculously awesome electric guitar it seemed kinda buried in the mix, maybe that's more a shortcoming from the theater so I'll look into that. I gotta say it was weird not being the aficionado for once on a well known superhero, Blue Beetle I can forgive myself on, but Superman I mean I caught some but I certainly didn't catch all but I'm sure the mega nerds and lifelong fans will appreciate the nods. I certainly liked it, I'm happy and yet simultaneously depressed so many real world parallels could be drawn in this movie from foreign wars, to social media demonizing, to literal loss of rights for an alien immigrant being taken into custody and shipped off to God knows where, it stuck to it's guns and I'm proud of that. Truly I am. In a world where such pinnacles of hope and power do not exist, I don't think it hurts if we embody such characters ourselves for a better world. What's so funny about truth, justice, and the american way? Far from a masterpiece but a strong step in the right direction, I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10!

Boy howdy life has been tailspinning recently so I'm not sure when I shall return but I'm sincerely hoping for sooner rather than later. If I still have a roof over my head come August I shall endeavour to pick up the pieces and do some varied writing for you.

In Retrospect: The Suicide Squad

King Shark is the king of my heart.

Yeah it was fun watching this again in all it's bloodsoaked, gruesome, humorous glory. And I feel I got more out of it the second go around, now that I know all the big stuff I can see the little details. I mean I praise the cast day and night, but dang Margot Robbie has a great little monologue that honestly says more about Harley than anything we've seen in live action. Daniela Melchior has stolen my heart and probably the internet's too, forever being my precious ray of sunshine in this film, she's absolute class 10/10! I do feel ashamed I wasn't party to Idris Elba's acting much before this because my man, my man, I love you my man. But dude James Gunn you are a bastard, you killed Savant who really struck me as a great character and one who I was quickly rooting for and Michael Rooker plays it perfectly. You did have the balls to drop Captain Boomerang and Rick Flagg, and you have my respect for shaking things up. But....how f***ing dare you kill Polka Dot Man. I am never getting over this, the shittin' Weasel lives but my guy dies? Because the second I heard we were getting Polka Dot Man I was ecstatic, and proves once more why David Dastmalchian keeps getting work at DC, because he rocks! And I knew, I frick fraking knew he wasn't gonna make it too, when I saw in the trailer of him triumphantly shouting with joy "I'm a superhero!" I was like well he's about to get shot in the head right after saying that. Asshole. I'm not actually mad at James for doing that, if anything I highly applaud the team here for getting me to care so much about these characters to begin with. I cared enough for the first Squad with Deadshot and all them, and appreciate both films for taking the time out to have emotional moments with these characters period. I dig the style and tone the movie has going for it, almost edging towards Tarantino tribute to 70s cinema but with it's own unique flair to it. I'd still say it's a great movie and clearly has the rewatchability factor to own. So the verdict still stands, 4 stars, 8.5/10. It's never a bad day when you watch a DC movie....except for The Killing Joke. Worthless bitch. And on that joyous remark it is time to end, and pray for me. I beg of you.

The Suicide Squad

Better than The Dark Knight? No. Damn good movie? Yes.

It's probably the most light hearted romp with a hard R rating I've ever seen in my life, juxtapositioning gnarly brutal gore and violence with light comedy and fun characters. The story follows two teams of Task Force X as they are sent to the known DC locale of Corto Maltese to investigate and shut down a government operation known as Starfish as the body count rises and we get to see good adaptations of DC characters both returning and new. Now I still stand by my review of the 2016 original, I still like it, I felt the studio should have kept it's big noses out of a director's work, but it is a movie I enjoy and would call good so this is not devolving to a, well clearly the new Suicide Squad movie is better than that trash. F*** yourself! They're two different movies and both are fine. Granted this one feels strangely a lot similar to the first movie and yet so different. It's heavily stylized, the camera work is more intricate, the blood factor is almost comical in it's excess, and each character gets a good smidge of backstory and personality. It could easily be seen as it's own thing but there's lots to connect it to the first which I like. While I couldn't bash the casting of the original hard, this one is mighty spot on giving the actors to make the character their own and not just feel like they are playing a character in a tight box. Margot Robbie is still royalty, Idris Elba is and has been the man, Daniela Melchior is my moon and stars in this movie, David Dastmalchian is mighty good but I still lean heavily towards his Calendar Man performance, and Sylvester Stallone as King Shark easily was the best character of them all. Yes even above Harley, he's that good, I said it. But even the side characters like Viola Davis, Peter Capaldi, and Michael Rooker were all great. The story is linear and might not make much sense when you break it down but I can truly see this as a movie people will watch again and again. The effects I felt were really good, maybe not enough practical gore but that's a small gripe, King Shark and Starro look good and have spot on textures plus they just have fun with it. I also feel the comedy was balanced, it could have a serious moment, it could have action without a comedy beat, this movie flat out says f*** your feelings they'll kill anyone without hesitation, and I know there will be some jackass chucklehead who will just say, oh it shows how bad the DC movies are that they have to take MCU directors to make their movies better, to which I reply with a quote from the movie "Eat a big bag of dicks." and f***ity bye. It's really good stuff, despite the fact they killed nearly every character I liked a lot so the verdict is .5/10. I'm just kidding, it upsets me but I'll get over. 4 stars, 8.5/10, this will be the last new movie for a bit but there's always stuff to talk about. Be good people.

Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2

Well.

Guardians Of The Galaxy 2 is kiddie movie garbage. This is coming from a fan of family movies, of animated movies, of cartoons, whatever the hell you want to call it, a person who can enjoy and appreciate a film intended for 5 year olds as much as a film intended for a 50 year old. I quite enjoy those types of movies. Why? I don't know, maybe I'm a Toys R Us kid. But this movie suuuuucks. Oh my God I could barely stand it. When all the things I like about your movie can be counted on one hand, you done goofed son. I liked the visuals, more so the colors than the designs. I liked Kurt Russell because well, he's the man. And I quite liked Drax and Mantis, I even dare say I ship them. Everything else, bullshit. It's present from opening titles onward, yeah cause why would we want to see the Guardians fight a monster, exchange funny dialogue and banter, and overall enjoy the visuals of it when instead you shove a toy commercial down our throats of a little baby Groot dancing. Do not f***ing dare lie to me and tell me that's not what it was. I was there! In the stores! I saw it all!! And it don't get much better from there, so okay the idea of Star Lord finding his dad and learning of his heritage could be an interesting story, unfortunately it does not need over 2 hours of movie to tell it. Apparently Peter Quill's papa is a god, no horseshit Jack kind of god, created a world, lives forever, the whole nine yards, so Star Lord is half god...until he isn't. Great plot development guys, lord knows that would have been useful in a later movie. No seriously, that's the whole movie. We meet up with the Guardians on a job, we get a chase, we meet Kurt Russell, we learn Star Lord's heritage, a mutiny is formed on Yondu which begins and ends in no time flat, Kurt Russell ain't a real daddy though and now Marvel is combining previous villain's plans which shock of all shocks doesn't improve their villain problem. He literally wants to do what the Dark Elves and Ultron did, cover the universe in his own design and make everyone essentially him. Then they fight, apparently killing a god is as easy as booting up a computer because baby Groot actually gets the killing blow, and that whole fight has as much dramatic tension as what color lollipop a toddler wants. Say what you will about the Ewoks but at least they did something! This is the movie you put on for your kids when you want them to shut up for a solid two hour stretch, in fact I'd like to meet the person over the age of 13 who puts this movie on because they think it's genuinely good and entertaining. It has the bright colors, basic forms of comedy, and easy to follow plot that would keep your child preoccupied and happy but I was kinda shocked how much language there is in this, for a movie intended for kids they use a lot of cuss words, they even make a F-word joke. You know, for kids! If I bought a movie ticket for this, I'd want my goddamn refund. Even the credits reek of bad kids movies, you know the ones, where you can't just get up and shut the movie off because they keep showing you superflous shit so you're forced to sit there until it for really realises ends. I think we finally found the one worse than Iron Man 2. Iron Man 2 was boring, pointless, and didn't have much going for it but it's okay, it's comic book movie fluff like Batman Forever or Superman Returns, it's not great but it can be a bit entertaining. This movie insulted my intelligence and made me want to burn every Groot toy in existence. 1.5 stars, 2.5/10, if it gets somehow worse than this I'll be f***ing stunned rigid.

Guardians Of The Galaxy

Yeah this was pretty good too.

I honestly can't imagine this movie ever being made outside of that time and place in the world. It's a friggin' weird movie and the characters are some of the most obscure ones but I have to give credit to the director and writers. They took the most unknown Marvel characters save for possibly Squirrel Girl, and practically made them household names, if you weren't a die hard Marvel Comics fan you would have noooo idea who these people were. So how did they do it? Well the story is admittedly very simple, with clear cut characters, a basic villain, and a lavish colorful variety of worlds. We follow Star Lord, essentially a space pirate that gets roped into a deal that makes him come into contact with a variety of different people, there's Gamora the daughter of Thanos, Drax a man seeking revenge for the death of his family, Rocket Raccoon an augmented animal with a penchant for weapons, and Groot a walking talking tree. Comic books are weird. Granted the designs are really good, save for Gamora though of course no disrespect to Zoe Saldana but blood red hair and bright green skin just don't work for me at all. The character's personalities are strong though, you don't technically know much about them, with my personal favorite being Drax cause he's just a great guy and never failed to entertain me and I fully supported his character. I will say the tone is consistent, but the style and art direction is...how should I say this? Garish. I don't know, I think I'm so used to seeing practical, no frills, basic designed spaceships that when these ostentatious, very colorful, incredibly artistic designed spaceships appear I just start asking why they are like that. Don't get me wrong the environments and tech we see is interesting, certainly visually appealing, but it reminds me a lot of the more cheesy lowbudget sci-fi films of the 60s and 70s with aliens having skin tones the color of every shade of the rainbow, bizzare tech, kinda hammy performances, it like blends tongue in cheek sci-fi with modern effects and not half bad writing. It's an interesting one to watch. Villain's super basic yet again, guys I'm really not asking for much with the villains. Just make their motivation and character memorable, I mean he has a neat design but there's nothing to it. At least the soundtrack is (mostly) good, but if you're going to give us a throwback with cassettes actually release the soundtrack on a mother loving cassette! If vinyl can do it, cassettes can do it. I'm tired of sounding like an old man, commit to the tech of the 80s if the culture has such a hard on for the 80s. You don't make the soundtrack look like a cassette but not be a cassette, and you do not release movies that look like videotapes from a 1980s video store if you are not going to put it on tape! Who are you trying to impress?? Just dew it! Urgh, rant over. I'm sorry, I just had to get that off my chest one day and it was today. It's a good movie, I think I would give it 3 stars, 7/10, I'm interested what will happen next but at the same time I'm not in a rush to get back to them.