Death Proof

Fundamentally different, absolutely. Still pretty good, hell yeah!

If the director himself considers this his worst movie, Quentin I just gotta tell you I don't see it. It's a remarkedly different beast compared to the all guns blazing Planet Terror with a much smaller scale plot involving two seperate groups of girls being stalked by a murderous stuntman appropriately named, Stuntman Mike, and it's funny cause that simple plot alone are two different beasts. The first is film grained up, jump cuts, has a very 70s vibe despite it taking place in modern day and is my favorite of the two segments. Which is no slight against the second with a quartet of ladies with two being everyday gals and the other two being fairly badass thrillseekers who run across Stuntman Mike and outperform him with some impressive stunts, it's shot in both pristine black & white alongside color, with modern filmmaking techniques, and some stellar stunts. Kurt Russell steals the show, being effectively creepy like so under my skin freak me the fuck out kinda creepy, but it's Kurt and he's got so much charisma and likeability it's interesting to watch despite not knowing much about Stuntman Mike. Standouts in our lady groups is Vanessa Ferlito from the firste troupe, I don't know if it was the accent or the no nonsense attitude or just her absurdly pretty face but I gravitated toward her so easily, and while everyone rightly lauds and praises Zoë Bell for her wit and insane physical performance Rosario Dawson was my gal in this and I thought she was groovy and props for her on getting the final blow. The production was spot on, again a very low budget effort but works insanely well on how they used the budget, they saved their big bucks for the big shit with some gross effects, a showstopping crash, and a car chase that will stick in your mind for some time. I will say I do wish we could have focused on one group or even did a mixed bag between the two casts, but it all works out and doesn't really hurt the film provided you don't mind almost a 2 hour runtime with a fair bit of dialogue and slow burns before the lid pops. I was still invested throughout and honestly wouldn't mind owning the whole Grindhouse experience! It's a long forgotten niche of cinema but definitely has it's fans and while I can safely say I'm more of a casual observer I still respect and enjoy the distinct style and filmmaking choices even if they aren't all for me. For one brief moment in 2007 you could go to a theater for a double bill with fake trailers and advertisements for an experience that can't be replicated and that I am strongly jealous of, considering I was 12 at the time and a fledgling movie fan who had no concept of grindhouse cinema. But I'm extremely happy to have finally seen both these movies that I've heard about for more than a decade. I give this 3 stars, 7.5/10, and we're jumping back to the 1960s next week.

Tombstone

Only took 800+ reviews to finally get around to Tombstone.

No need to even review it, 10/10, bye. I don't even care if it's romanticized or dramatized, 10/10. I've just been informed by the producer (El Duderino) the review must continue. So yeah Tombstone, probably one of the most loved and classic westerns in cinema, made at a time where there was this tiny resurgence of the genre in the 90s with other examples like Unforgiven and Dances With Wolves, and while granted I have not seen Unforgiven I will go out on a limb for now and say Tombstone is the best of the 90s westerns. And why that is, is surprisingly hard to articulate, it very much is a case of you just need to see it. The plot like most westerns is fairly simple, Wyatt Earp and his brothers, along with his good friend Doc Holliday have just moved to the town of Tombstone to start a new life but get caught up in this gang called the Cowboys who have come to do two things, drink and f*** shit up. This eventually leads Wyatt to pretty much going on this crusade to wipe the gang out completely, and yeah there is quite a bit more to the story than that but it really is hard to explain it when it can only be experienced. The production is excellent, with massive sets, great costumes, the cast is top notch and I seriously could not ask for better, and I feel the big draw and the love this movie has garnered over the years is down to these characters and the cast. You give me Kurt Russell as a badass leading man, I will praise your movie. I don't make the rules, I just follow them. And the problem is, I can go on for considerable time about these characters and the performances given, but there is a limit to how much text I can put on a page and I only have so much time. Val Kilmer is the stuff of f***ing legend in this film, everyone and I do mean everyone who has seen this movie claims Doc as their favorite character and for good reason. Of course I gotta give some major love to Sam Elliot and Bill Paxton, how could I not when they give a very strong familial bond with Wyatt and bring a lot of likability. Even the bad guys in this are super memorable and really enjoyable, Powers Boothe is having a wild time with this role and Michael Biehn I feel gets the worst death out of everyone in the film I mean holy gotdamn! Nothing but A-game acting here. For a more than 2 hour movie the pacing is great, and regarding the fact the film is more about the historical life of Wyatt Earp it doesn't feel school history video, or slow, or boring. Even the big gunfight at the O.K. Corral isn't made a huge deal of, despite the tension and action being executed perfectly, it's not trying to be the best western movie, it's just trying to be a good movie, but all the elements here propels it to being one of the best. There's a lot to unpack from quotable dialogue, character interaction, metaphors to the literal Four Horsemen, heavily dramatic scenes that are so fullblown you still love them, romance that while very old fashioned is still really nice, just go watch the damn movie. I ain't suggesting, I'm telling. 4 stars, 10/10, I'm out! See you tomorrow.

Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2

Well.

Guardians Of The Galaxy 2 is kiddie movie garbage. This is coming from a fan of family movies, of animated movies, of cartoons, whatever the hell you want to call it, a person who can enjoy and appreciate a film intended for 5 year olds as much as a film intended for a 50 year old. I quite enjoy those types of movies. Why? I don't know, maybe I'm a Toys R Us kid. But this movie suuuuucks. Oh my God I could barely stand it. When all the things I like about your movie can be counted on one hand, you done goofed son. I liked the visuals, more so the colors than the designs. I liked Kurt Russell because well, he's the man. And I quite liked Drax and Mantis, I even dare say I ship them. Everything else, bullshit. It's present from opening titles onward, yeah cause why would we want to see the Guardians fight a monster, exchange funny dialogue and banter, and overall enjoy the visuals of it when instead you shove a toy commercial down our throats of a little baby Groot dancing. Do not f***ing dare lie to me and tell me that's not what it was. I was there! In the stores! I saw it all!! And it don't get much better from there, so okay the idea of Star Lord finding his dad and learning of his heritage could be an interesting story, unfortunately it does not need over 2 hours of movie to tell it. Apparently Peter Quill's papa is a god, no horseshit Jack kind of god, created a world, lives forever, the whole nine yards, so Star Lord is half god...until he isn't. Great plot development guys, lord knows that would have been useful in a later movie. No seriously, that's the whole movie. We meet up with the Guardians on a job, we get a chase, we meet Kurt Russell, we learn Star Lord's heritage, a mutiny is formed on Yondu which begins and ends in no time flat, Kurt Russell ain't a real daddy though and now Marvel is combining previous villain's plans which shock of all shocks doesn't improve their villain problem. He literally wants to do what the Dark Elves and Ultron did, cover the universe in his own design and make everyone essentially him. Then they fight, apparently killing a god is as easy as booting up a computer because baby Groot actually gets the killing blow, and that whole fight has as much dramatic tension as what color lollipop a toddler wants. Say what you will about the Ewoks but at least they did something! This is the movie you put on for your kids when you want them to shut up for a solid two hour stretch, in fact I'd like to meet the person over the age of 13 who puts this movie on because they think it's genuinely good and entertaining. It has the bright colors, basic forms of comedy, and easy to follow plot that would keep your child preoccupied and happy but I was kinda shocked how much language there is in this, for a movie intended for kids they use a lot of cuss words, they even make a F-word joke. You know, for kids! If I bought a movie ticket for this, I'd want my goddamn refund. Even the credits reek of bad kids movies, you know the ones, where you can't just get up and shut the movie off because they keep showing you superflous shit so you're forced to sit there until it for really realises ends. I think we finally found the one worse than Iron Man 2. Iron Man 2 was boring, pointless, and didn't have much going for it but it's okay, it's comic book movie fluff like Batman Forever or Superman Returns, it's not great but it can be a bit entertaining. This movie insulted my intelligence and made me want to burn every Groot toy in existence. 1.5 stars, 2.5/10, if it gets somehow worse than this I'll be f***ing stunned rigid.

In Retrospect: Once Upon A Time In Hollywood

I ain't gonna be mad if this wins Best Picture.

I'm just so happy to watch this movie again. It's a love letter to the late 60s but it really does go beyond that. I know Quentin Tarantino is a huge fan of old Hollywood and very nostalgic of filmmaking during that era between the 60s and 70s, and he captured the essence of it brilliantly. I actually was a bit surprised to read this was Leo's first film in 4 years time after he finally got his Oscar, and while I haven't seen The Revenant this is gonna be a hard performance to top for me. There's been stories about aging movie starts who are a bit washed up but I like the fact it's not the main focus of the picture, but when it has scenes dedicated to it they pull it off flawlessly. I still say the best scene in the whole film is when Rick talks to his young co-star, I can't fully explain it though. The age of both these actors (in the world of the film that is), and just the interactions they share are a true highlight for me and the writing quickly gets to the core of both these people. And you better believe I am here for this bromance with Brad Pitt, when the movie itself flat out says he's kind of Leo's wife I buy it, I love it, Cliff is a complete badass dude and every scene he has is memorable. Margot Robbie is still a total sweetie and I am riding that hype train mercilessly for Birds Of Prey (PS. Tune in for that next week.)! I love the atmosphere it has in California, I love the complete throwback in every concievable way possible of the production and cinematography,and I didn't catch many of the other Tarantino film references until this viewing. I challenge one asshole out there to say they didn't like the ending of this movie, you gotta be one heartless sum'bitch to complain about the ending. I kinda want to talk about it so if you're not game for it, 4 stars, 8.5/10, go rent it immediately and have a blast. Now let us begin. I'm gonna be strictly honest with everyone, I did not and still do not know much about the Manson family murders, I might have watched a Biography channel documentary on it in like 2007 but I don't remember much. I was game to see the movie from the start but had no idea the route it was going to take, I had no idea we were going to see a Hollywood ending of this gruesome and horrifying case. It goes the way you really and truly wish those events did, and it is a happy ending but it breaks my heart regardless that such a thing occured in 1969. These dirty hippie bastards get all kimds of f***ed up and it is glorious! *Disclaimer: I actually have fondness for the hippie generation and this is all for laughs* Though personally I've never heard a more nut aching, blood curdling, shrieking cacophony of screams in the history of my life. I mean sweet baby Yoda lady, damn! But I understand the meaning behind it all, the movie is very much about death, Rick's career is slowly going out, the 1960s are rapidly coming to an end, someone attempted to murder a group of young people one of whom was seriously pregnant, and in fact there was a certain quote that really hit that home for me. I can't remember the exact quote but it essentially said the Manson murders was the death of the flower child hippie generation and movement. It didn't really persist into the 1970s, and I think Hunter S. Thompson said it best, "San Francisco in the middle 60s was a very special time and place to be a part of, but no explanation, no mix of word or music or memory can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time in the world. Whatever it meant.....We had all the momentum, we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look west, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high water mark, that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.". And that I think was the handle. It's kind of a bittersweet movie the more you think about it. I believe the ending right before the film truly ends, was nothing less than a tribute to Adam West as Batman even though the 60s TV show was over and done by the time this movie started, it's the last voice you hear and it's a last hurrah of this time capsule we can all own a piece of. Just press play. I sincerely hope it gathers more acclaim and awards as time goes on, so don't fail me again Academy.

The Christmas Chronicles

Okay, here we go.

The Christmas Chronicles is okay. It's a mixed bag if anything. I must admit, I think is the first Netflix Original film I've seen and honestly the production and budget does not seem much higher than your everyday children's movie budget except they got a big name star in it. So what's the story? Well we get a montage of home videos introducing us to our main characters Katy and Teddy who after losing their dad in a fire has come to the first Christmas without their dad, and through reasons I don't think I got Katy's older brother gets roped into staying up with Katy to see Santa Claus because....I have absolutely no idea. They hear him on the roof and give chase, leading them to meet ol' Saint Nick when all hell breaks loose. The sleigh crashes, the bag of toys is missing, and Christmas cheer is slowly plummeting, forcing our young siblings to help Santa retrieve his belongings and save Christmas from not happening. A goal I can despise. So here comes the problem with this movie and why I deem it a mixed bag, Kurt Russel is amazing, it's like if you mixed Jack Burton, several Santa's like from the Ernest movie and the Guardians movie, with even a dash of old Luke Skywalker when he gets upset at them, but he makes the role his own and he may be my favorite Santa ever. The problem, I hate to say it comes from the kids. Not the actors, they do fine especially the girl who plays Katy she's just so full of that Christmas spirit and is really great to watch, but the problem is more their personal story. Now I need to go on a brief tangent but trust me it ties back! Last Christmas I was forced to watch a Christmas movie with my younger cousin and you know all those bargin bin, shoestring budget, lazily written, poorly contrived, and low quality kids films? That was one of them. I hated every nanosecond of it. That's kinda what this movie is, a not so great written kids movie with a bit of a budget, but no good or interesting family elements. They lose their dad in a fire, the mom is barely around, they bicker and argue but deep down they love each other, it's so ridiculously forseeable and shoddily written. But every scene with Kurt Russel in it is the reason you watch this movie. It's like the writers had this great premise of a no nonsense, more gruff looking Santa and they really wanted Kurt to play him and wrote all this great stuff, but then had to write main characters from a Hallmark tv movie. I love how they handled the Santa mythos kind of, like how his hat is magic and is what lets him get through chimneys, his sleigh is that mix of tech and mysticism like you see in Elf, and The Santa Clause, they get some stuff really right!....and then you get to the elfs. Like they fully reinforce this weird undercurrent of almost horror you see throughout the movie. Like the first time the kids hear Santa it switches to a handheld camera as they run around trying to find him, and when you first see these elfs, not only are they quite disturbingly designed like they look like rats, tails and all! Wait I take that back, it's like if a lemur and a rat had babies then they were mutated by radioactive waste. And these suckers are mean! The first time the girl meets them, they swarm her, tie her to a chair and are about to probably torture her. But that's nothing compared to when the brother meets them. They pull a Gulliver's Travels and pin him down as one elf comes toward him with a fully working chainsaw about to take it straight to his gnards until his sister intervenes! The f*** movie??! Jesus Christ, who needs a (slightly less) creepy elf on a shelf when you got these beasts? Soooo, yeah. Kinda juggles a bit in this movie. Just YouTube Kurt's scenes, they are the best part of the whole movie, and I saw you little Elvis nod, very nice touch! Just watch A Very Murray Christmas if you're on Netflix, there's less muck you have to wade through and it's an underrated Christmas special!

Tomorrow, I'm not looking forward to. I've gotten and will probably continue to get comments about how I don't like this movie, but I need to set the record straight so I don't have to do it next year. Tomorrow, we'll be looking at, the Jim Carrey Grinch movie. Oh boy.....

The Thing (1982)

Well we already did a funny John Carpenter movie with Kurt Russell so why not a deathly serious one?

You know, rewatching The Thing has really reminded me why it's such a great sci-fi horror movie. The story follows a research team in Antartica who after investigating a Norwegian base close by them discover that an alien organism who can assimilate and copy another organism's likeness may have infiltrated their base. So the chase is on to destroy this creature before it can reach civilization and assimilate the entire base. What I love most about the film and the most prominent factor is the atmosphere. You believe the sense of isolation and deathly freezing weather in this movie, there are many shots of just empty rooms and hallways really showing how little life there is and several stated facts from the characters how dangerous the climate is at their south pole base. I'm serious I was freezing when I was watching this movie and I do not keep it seriously cold in my house. The music by Ennio Morricone is just friggin' creepy as hell, I mean you just have to listen to the main theme and you get freaked out. The characters are pretty good in this movie and the sheer paranoia and fear they have towards this thing is actually quite affecting, like I did not even want to touch my own hands after this movie it got to me that bad, just the thought of a malicious alien being who could take over your body at a mere touch is very unsettling. The acting is damn good in this movie, this is exactly how people would react to a situation like this, and everyone does a good job at keeping you guessing who's human and who's not. The film is very good at hiding who is the thing, because you can't tell at all until the horrifying transformations take place, and yeah the special effects are freaking unnerving and spectacularly shocking. The first transformation scene doesn't even happen until thirty minutes in giving lots of time to build atmosphere and characters, and the first time you see it your jaw will drop. This movie is awesome and a true science fiction classic if I have ever seen one. You have got to see this movie if you are a science fiction or horror movie fan. You will not be disappointed at all, unlike that BS remake/prequel movie they made in 2011! But I digress. Just watch this one.

Big Trouble In Little China

Well seeing as how I've already done one John Carpenter movie, I decided to review another.

Big Trouble In Little China is one of the greatest cult films of the 80's, with such stars as Kurt Russell and Kim Cattrall and a fantastic crew of supporting characters. The story follows a truck driver named Jack Burton played by the amazingly bad ass Kurt Russell, who believe it or not is actually the comedic sidekick and not the action movie star you would expect, who meets up with an old friend of his and the true hero of the story Wang played splendidly by Dennis Dun, as he is swept away into a world full of sorcery and Chinese legends. Now I'm going to be honest here, the first time I saw Big Trouble In Little China I just thought it was an okay movie, but I watched it again and enjoyed it so much more. This is a very comedic, very funny movie, with lots of action and fighting, mysticism and magic, awesome acting, a fantastic soundtrack composed by John Carpenter, and is really just a fun little movie to watch, and seeing how the film is barely over an hour and a half long it won't take too much of your time if you are interested in watching it. Now this is a very different story and you probably won't understand and enjoy it the first time you view it, but let that in no way deter you from viewing this movie. It's a lot of fun, Kurt Russell steals the show as Jack Burton, the special effects are grand in that 80's sort of way with practical effects and all, and I really just found the movie interesting, it's not everyday that you run across a movie like Big Trouble In Little China and it is worth your time and money if you want to try something new and different. I recommend this movie for Kurt Russell fans, John Carpenter fans, cult film fans, and people who just love original and strange stories. It's a gamble, but it's on Netflix and Amazon Prime so you can watch it without paying money for it. Give it a shot and tell me what you think.