BONUS: Onslaught

Okay yeah Adria wielding a chainsaw can get anyone in a theater.

This felt like a tremendous throwback movie from the 80s and as I recount the plot you'll see what I mean. So basically three supersoldiers crafted by a bootlicking natzi scientist escape containment and start wreaking havoc and death in a small New Mexico town putting them in the crosshairs of a military veteran who wouldn't you know it has custody of her daughter right before the shit royally hits the fan. It sounds almost Cannon-esque and yeah man it's pretty exploitative, with bloody gruesome deaths, a random scene of fairly strong nudity, a pretty no frills and no questions asked plot, it reeks of an old school action script just made with modern techniques. Of course Adria has my whole heart and it's been a minute since I've rooted for a movie character this hard, she's got trauma from being a soldier, she's a mom trying her best, and when mama bear goes off I can't help but love it. She pretty much carries the film but there's some solid supporting cast in tow. The man and legend Reginald VelJohnson who I haven't seen in the longest time plays a veteran neighbor of hers and my God do I love that man to bits, such a joy to see him in this even if it's just a small role! Blake Kennedy ho mah gawd is the cutest sweetest girl I swear, yeah I'd knife a motherfucker in the face to keep her safe without question, she did a great job and this mother/daughter duo was wonderful. Drew Starkey is a bit of a wild card in the mix playing a government operator who is on the hunt for the supersoldiers as well, and I do feel there was supposed to be more to this character that most likely ended up on the cutting room floor but he plays it very well regardless. The supersoldiers themselves lead by a man only known as The Butcher played by Alex Pereira are effectively brutal and have this almost Barrow-Wight soldier look to them, and man oh man is it cathartic to see them get ded. Adam Wingard our guy who helmed the Godzilla and Kong films brings such a style from minute one, and holy shit might have brought the most scathing anti-authoritative opening credits scene to a film I have ever seen so the man has my respect for that, with great use of angles and as typical with his movies a varied soundtrack. Also have to give a shoutout to Matt Pusti who really fucking brought it with the score, I had no idea synthesizers could be that goddamn heavy and when the metal music kicks in you're half expecting the Doom Slayer to round the corner and start annihilating, so big thumbs up for you sir! The pacing is short and sweet, this movie is less than 90 minutes not counting credits but does a damn good job setting everything up while still injecting it's own type of character and style in the filmmaking. And it works! You feel the unquiet and shock seeing people just get gunned down like a dog in the streets, you get invested with this woman, you fucking seethe at these government types likes the asswipes they are, so it's a highly effective and good movie. No means a genre defying masterpiece, but a rock solid film nonetheless. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10, and now the work truly begins in earnest after this. I'll catch y'all near the tail end of the month!

Rebuild The Galaxy: Pieces Of The Past

Better late than never.

Lego Star Wars baby, it don't get better than this! Taking place not long after the first installment a clash between Sig and Dev has unleashed a dark force from a dimension unheard of in any Star Wars story leading our main characters to form a fragile alliance to save the very existence of a galaxy far far away, a solid enough story told once again over the course of roughly 90 minutes with still quite good characters and comedy to keep it thoroughly entertaining. It still holds the same level of detail, care, love, and even jokes from the first creating another memorable experience with even more what if madness thrown in. From Darth Revan and Cal Kestis to pirate queen Padme Amidala and evil K2-SO there's some much welcome additions to this mad mad mad mad galaxy, with as far to my knowledge all the supporting heroes and villains returning once again. The story does take the next step in making the conflict bigger yet I feel how could they top the literal erasure of the entire Star Wars universe should they wish to pursue a part three? It's not impossible but I'm a bit stumped how they would do it. Of course the voice acting across the board is still really damn good with plenty of love going to our main leads like Gaten, Bobby, and Marsai and it is pretty awesome to hear Sam, Ashley, and Mark reprise their roles even in such different circumstances! Animation is still just as good if not even a smidge better than the first, further showcasing the imagination and fun Legos can bring to any story. Though man I actually almost hate the fact the Landolorian is just real in this what if story cause man, I would watch ten seasons of Lando and little Grogu just being smoother than shimmersilk and doing bounties and shit. The fact Servo got this british yandere girlfriend of a probe droid is frigin' stellar and I'm so here for it! Plus I didn't think it was possible but Darth Rose has my heart in a force grip after this, Kelly you're a gem and I treasure you so! It was cute, it was fun, the writing still has genuine merit and not just a showcase for the lolz, it's another solid little series! With Andor wrapped up, Mando just around the corner with Maul not far behind, and Starfighter just beginning production this was a quick and lovely little stop in my favorite fandom of all. If my memory doesn't fail me I believe Visions is next and well, I'll give you three guesses how I feel about that! 3 stars, 8/10, and I got a little something for you next week before the October festivities begin.

Abigail

I was hearing some buzz before seeing this movie, which believe it or not is a rare thing in my profession and from people I knew and reputable sources in the horror fandom it was very highly rated. So what did I think?

It's different but thankfully so. I truthfully wish they kept the "twist" if we may call it out of the trailers entirely, just set up the kidnapping plot and then people start getting offed and sell it on that alone. Which is hilarious because for once in my life I called the movie before the trailer revealed itself just through the use of Swan Lake. So yeah sorry to have spoiled the movie for anybody who doesn't know, this is a vampire movie. But it is far from traditional or really predictable for that matter centering on a group of hired kidnappers who bite off more than they can chew (ha ha ha...) when oopsy daisy the target is a ballerina vampire. That's unique enough a story already but how the movie progresses from there throws interesting elements into the mix. Not really curveballs, it is the movie that is advertised but rather it goes off and does it's own thing beginning to end. Brilliant production wise, you only really got 2 sets and 8 actors to work with and despite the richly designed manor the majority of the plot takes place in is pure blooded low budget horror, even with the gnarly effects. Though it certainly sprinkles more than enough rubbish jumpscares which dings the score a notch, it's just never going away I can't escape it. Alisha Weir though quite precious in real life is striking, creepy, and acts her damn heart out in this movie! She gets a little Hannibal Lecter at a certain point and with the pliès and pirouettes, there can be no doubt how perfectly casted she is. As for the kidnappers Melissa Barrera as Joey is our main focal point and please do not take this next comment as negative, the rest kinda fit into more classical stereotypes but it's the actors that bring something to the table with it and makes it very enjoyable. Dan Stevens is the dickish leader, Kathryn Newton is semi-valley girl, Kevin Durand is the lovable dimwit, you've seen this before and yet it's still pretty good! You're not waiting for them to become the next meal in the buffet, because they have familiar but good character to them. I quite like the design for the vampire in this, it's more simplistic with just wild contacts and freaky ass teeth that's all you need. Hell horror cinema in decades past made it work with even less, and I like how it throws some big middle fingers at classic vampire repellants while still incorporating bits of lore. It's a quite good movie and while I was iffy on it Universal delivered yet again with another monster movie and I can firmly recommend it. Plus it gets points solely for using the Swan Lake music several times which clearly adds a layer of art and beauty to appease my cinema snob heart. 3.5 stars, 8/10! Henry Cavill blasting natzis tomorrow, ain't life grand.

Godzilla × Kong The New Empire

Good shit Adam!

Yeah, this was one of the more anticipated movies this year for me! Though you'd be surprised that I actually didn't see that much promotional material besides an odd poster and one trailer in theaters, so when I say I had no clue what was going to transpire it couldn't be more true. And what transpires despite how ludicrous the trailers make it seem, it doesn't feel too out there. Hell it doesn't even seem slightly out of tune with all the Toho Godzilla movies! Basically Kong is on the lookout for other apes in the hollow earth, while Godzilla is grinding levels like a beast and fighting over kaiju like it's friggin' Highlander or some shit, as newer threats are unearthed and our unlikely duo take up arms together. Bottom line, it's exactly the movie you would expect. I feel it's balanced just right in terms of outlandishness, to sum it up in one scene the humans perform dentistry on Kong who has an infected tooth. And somehow that sentence isn't too weird, and also that's a good gauge for audiences! I feel they severely pulled back on human characters streamlining the human plot, it's a relatively tiny cast and the majority are returning actors from Godzilla Vs. Kong. They also put more emphasis on the monsters, going for stretches where you just have to read the body language and vocalizations to understand what's going on and combining that with good amounts of subtitles, and this is a film that will not hold your hand and translate for the peanut gallery. I applaud and greatly appreciate the movie for doing so! I like the personality they give to each monster, how Godzilla has taken a liking to sleeping in the Roman Colisseum like it's a cot, how Kong kinda takes on a Kratos figure axe in hand and accompanying a small ape, and speaking of which I swear the creative team just made an ape version of Minilla for the little fella. The effects are expanisve as all get out, but look good and even with my strong vocalization for practical effects I understand this is how they had to have made the movie. It just goes to show how further each movie goes in letting the kaiju do what they do, they're not even afraid to do these effects in dark or limited visibility anymore. I don't need it to look lifelike. I was highly entertained, thrilled to see where the next potential movie takes us, and gladly give a big thumbs. Though mind you I think I've gazed into the future just a smidge, cause how the whole ape subplot goes in this movie reminded me strongly of The Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes trailer I saw beforehand and that's a movie I have conflicting feelings about but we got a minute before that. All in all it's a fun time at the movies, I couldn't bash it hard if I tried, I give it 3.5 stars, 8.5/10! Objective and unbiased as always, though obviously I always recommend seeing it for yourself. It's fun though trust me!