What We Do In The Shadows: Season 2

I have made my decision on my favorite character.

Is season two better? I genuinely would have to say yes. The writing is still as great as the first season, the actors get to spread their wings more, it actually has a bit of a plot arc even if it's a tiny one, I just had even more fun with this than the last. We pick up a few months after the run in with the vampiric counsel as Nandor, Nadja, Laszlo, Colin Robinson, and Guillermo continue running into problems with ghosts in their home, an old foe of Laszlo returns, Guillermo starts becoming more independent, amongst other things, and a finale that simply can't be ignored by any character come season three. I do really think that this season is funnier and more entertaining than the last one, and you already know the rating I gave for that. I wasn't disappointed at all and got to spend more time with these characters, almost every one of them has an episode dedicated nearly entirely to just one of them. A lot more screen time is given to Guillermo and while Nadja is beyond brilliant in every way, Guillermo is my favorite character by a bit, it's just really something to see when this totally devoted and subservient character grows more of a spine and becomes his own agent. He still very much cares for his master and roommates, but quickly wants more and stands up for himself in many ways. Harvey Guillen is perfect in this series, wonderful comedic timing, great acting, is basically the only character to get an arc, they show the love for Guillermo in this season. And I for one, adore it. I'd truthfully be very proud to be Guillermo de la Cruz for Halloween. But enough of my gushing, what else is good? Well we get even more celebrity cameos, even one from Mark Hamill so it automatically is a win. The story situations are more varied thus leading to more character moments and great comedy. It does get wild in a few instances, which is what a show should do in it's second season, give the audience some crazy scenarios to show that not only that the show isn't a one trick pony but to kind of up the stakes (no pun intended of course) and show that there is a reason you keep watching and coming back. I was a fan before the end of season 1, but now consider me a die hard fan, this is my show. It took a good long while to move on from Gotham, and while Doctor Who was great I've been a fan for about a decade now so it's always just been there as a great show, and yes I have checked out other stuff but nothing has really struck my interest to such a degree. This show really has grabbed me and made me love it to the moon and back. I'm here for it, I'm ready and waiting, will we get the next season in the fall of 2020? No of course not, f*** you Brandon. You thought you could get your television programme back in the fall when the world seems to deliberately want us extinct and every film is being pushed back to a year from now? Piss in my cornflakes will you 2020, you robbing ****sucker. But I won't dwell on that. 4 stars, 9/10! 

What We Do In The Shadows: Season 1

Pleasantly surprised to be sure.

What We Do In The Shadows is a fascinating new show that I will fully admit that I had no intention to watch it. Not that I looked down on the show or deemed it stupid off the bat, it just wasn't on my radar in the slightest until it was recommended to me by my own dear momma. I sort of begrudgingly watched it, I wasn't much in a mood for a new series, and it took a handful of episodes for me to actually get into the show but once I understood the format it was going for and got a grasp on the characters, I quickly fell in love with it. It is the most hilarious show I have seen in a very good long while, centered around a group of vampire roommates living in Staten Island as they live out their night to night lives as blood drooling hilarious beasts. It is a show without any form of arc, after all it's a comedy series first so it took me awhile to slip into that form of television, but the entertainment value is very high and is just a fun show to watch. The characters are the reason you keep coming back to it, the stories that are told while good are just dumb fun, you really aren't going to see True Blood levels of plot here. But I think I appreciate it more for that, because it's absurdly great just to see these wildly different characters bounce off of the situations and other characters. We have Nandor, a once greatly renowned warlord who has grown to be a bit of a ditz in his older years. Nadja, an outspoken and quite frankly hysterical vampire married to Laszlo a downright blunt and complete horndog, further leading to more proof of how that....other vampire couple that we do not speak of is an utter trainwreck in the depths of hell. Then we have Colin Robinson, a unique type of vampire that feeds off of energy instead of life juices that is constantly being ignored by his friends. And last but certainly not least Guillermo, who is Nandor's familiar and desperately wants to become a vampire himself one day but is too busy being the only competent person in the household. It's a major toss up between Nadja and Guillermo as my favorite character, but everyone has moments to shine and they do grow on you. The show is presented in a mockumentary style with visible camera crew, interview sections, and a smidge of shaky cam which works brilliantly with the comedy aspects. As I've said this is the funniest show I've seen in probably half a decade, and I immediately wanted to dig into season 2 after I watched the finale. But all good things to those who wait. I very strongly implore people to watch this show and give it a shot, even hardcore horror fans who aren't big on comedy with classic monsters. They get their lore right in this show, with tons of nods to other vampire films than just Dracula, we get the wall climbing, the ability to turn into mist, the rising out of the coffin directly from Nosferatu, even the whole siring process from Vampire The Masquerade (yes I know it's a common fact, but I like that game). They did their homework and it's wonderful! This is a great show, it's for pure entertainment but when has that been a bad thing? I personally give it 4 stars, a solid 8.5/10, I really had zero big complaints and only very minor nitpicks. So I urge people to watch this show and while it may have been more suitable to talk about this in October, it's Halloween every day at my house and I refuse to hold off on telling people about an amazing show. See you next time for season two!

Yor The Hunter From The Future

Well I already did Space Mutiny so this was the only true way to end this week with another Reb Brown classic.

When I was doing a tiny bit of research on this movie I discovered two facts, one I'll get to now and the other I'll save for later. The first fact was that this is actually an adaptation, based off a comic book from Argentina which immediately makes me want to track down every issue of it cause I want to see more of this material which apparently the movie adapted faithfully. The story is quite possibly the most basic and yet simultaneously awesome of the bunch this week, following a mysterious hunter named Yor who travels across a desolate world in search of answers to who he really is, he soon meets a young woman named Kala and her protector Pag who accompany him on his travels. What follows is a bizarre sequence of events where Yor battles purple cavemen, dinosaurs, sand mummies, and much more before the movie drops a bombshell with just 30 minutes left of film. Spaceships exist, confirming this is not a pre-historic story but actually a post-apocalyptic story where the world was wiped out by atomic weapons leading to the various mutants and dinosaurs roaming about that Yor encounters. What soon follows is a very slapdash showdown between a rebellion led by someone who looks like if you combined Adrian Brody and Ricardo Montalban in Wrath Of Khan together, and some cloaked figure known as the Overlord and his garrison of androids that look like Dark Helmet from Spaceballs and the Borg thrown in a blender. The movie was already a bit off it's rocker with papier mache dinosaurs and impressively cheap costumed villains, but then it adds thing after thing to the point where it surpasses a so bad it's good movie and simply becomes an amazing movie. Once again though, the cast is dedicated and treats it seriously with Reb Brown giving one of his most subdued performances in his filmography but then I learned he was actually dubbed for this movie. Which honestly makes zero sense because he has a good voice I mean the man can emit a warcry that would freeze Lucifer himself in his tracks, and he has his voice in productions of both american and italian cinema so what the hell? He's still awesome though, Reb is the true Humanoid Typhoon virtually wiping out every single civilization he comes into contact with in this movie and is literally invincible against all possible harm. Even the Terminator can't boast such a high casualty count and inability of damage. We then have Corrine Clery who does nice work and honestly makes a great match for Reb, but again is dubbed for no real reason, okay yes she was born in Paris but she speaks english well and does have a nice voice. Luciano Pigozzi has starred alongside Reb on more than one occasion so it's cool to see him now and again, and for an older guy he is pretty awesome in his own right in this film. I will fully admit the villain is rushed and while the performance and voice of John Steiner is good, there really wasn't much going on in the last half hour. Odd to say when it basically becomes Space Mutiny all over again with lazer battles galore in a factory setting. But what it lacks in story and bits of the ending, it makes up very quickly with the score specifically the fist pumping spectacular theme, and one of the most absurd and yet truly awe inspiring shots that might just be the most awesome thing ever recorded on film. Needless to say this movie was brought to my attention a decade ago by the Spoony Experiment who showcased his review on it and made it all the awesome, which I highly recommend you watch even if you don't see the movie. And now comes the part where I divulge the biggest discovery I made about this movie, it wasn't always a movie. The movie was an italian production shot in Turkey, and was broadcasted as a television mini-series. Four episodes, each with 50 minutes of footage. You're telling me that there is a movie that is over 3 hours long, of Reb Brown fighting dinosaurs, cavemen and androids, and I do not own it?? I implore you, Signore Margheriti, I beseech you, share that mini-series with the world. The film got a full Blu-Ray release which I already am looking into buying, but it pales in comparison of such a magnum opus. And by all accounts of the director, it was made with virtually zero budget and was just a fun project they wanted to do, to just make a fun and very entertaining picture, which honestly if you walk in with that mindset you can have quite a good time with this. It falls in the middle ground, not as trashy and cheap as Deathstalker but not as amazing and well made as Beastmaster. I still give it 2.5 stars, 6.5/10, I have seen worse movies in terms of production and story and this really ain't even close to one of the worst movies I have ever seen. You can find the movie in decent quality at the good ol' Internet Archive so if this sounds like a great movie to have a watch party with friends, drinks, chips, dips, chains, whips then by all means go for it. Until next time, BAT!

The Beastmaster

This is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!!

It's like if Deathstalker actually had a budget, was more inventive, and was you know, good. How this movie performed average at the box office is beyond me but thanks to VHS it's grown a cult following that still runs strong today. I was very impressed with this movie, it had my attention from the start but by 20 minutes in I was living for this movie! The plot is once again simple but the creative decisions in terms of character and plot is what makes the movie so damn enjoyable, with an evil high priest warned of his coming demise by the king's unborn son who through one of the most bizarre acts of magic I have seen in cinematic history is born from an ox, yes I'm serious, and is almost killed before being rescued by a commoner from a small village. Through some magical means the young boy grows into a fine young man named Dar who has the unique ability of controlling animals and eventually sets his sights on the evil priest. He meets a young woman named Kiri, a skilled warrior named Seth (very ancient warrior name I know), and an assortment of animals. The cast like in Deathstalker are fully commited to their roles and are actually really really good, Marc Singer is all sorts of awesome and is a great lead, Tanya Roberts is heart shatteringly beautiful, John Amos being in anything is an automatic win, and while Rip Torn doesn't have much of a presence he still does good work. The technical aspects as well are most impressive, with good effects including miniatures and quite decent creature designs, great cinematography at points with good use of color and camera movement, not to mention the fact how very well trained the animals are. Do not get me wrong I am a practical worshipper of cats but even I would be just the tiniest bit apprehensive around a tiger. For a PG movie it has some serious balls, not only do they have zero issue showing the death of a child, but there are three instances of frontal nudity in this movie. This...PG movie. To quote a better internet critic, "Oh bless the 70s and 80s. Our movie's PG, bring the kids! We got tiddies and everything!". Again, nothing but hardcore respect and admiration for anybody to be nude in a film, you have to be incredibly comfortable in your skin to do that on film, where countless people will be able to see you for all of time, and Tanya Roberts is one of those people. Boy, kind of makes me wonder how many pre-teen kids saw this back in the day. Probably got quite a few rentals from the video store. But there is seriously a very competently and well made film here, I was having a complete blast with this movie and fully understand why it grew a cult following. It's pretty awesome, I won't lie to you for a minute. If you can look past the occasional absurdities and the fact that you know, a guy can communicate with ferrets so they can go steal shit, you can have a great time with this movie. It really reminds of sort of the same avenue Highlander went down, a lesser known but completely awesome film which got horrifyingly ruined in the sequel, but people still love it to this very day. And I'm proud to call myself a fan of both. Like, I am going to buy this movie on any format that I can. 4 stars, screw it I'm giving it a 7.5/10, could not recommend it enough!

And now we got to 650 reviews. Good God. No doubt we'll hit 700 before the year is out with some special months coming up, zip a lip on that though, you'll just have to be patient.

Deathstalker

Well I was going to do all the the next generation Star Trek movies, but they got taken off so the lesson of today boys and girls is, always take the initiative or you may lose your chance. Now I have to talk about Deathstalker.

This movie....uh, it's not good. I knew the reputation of this film for probably about a decade but I saw this along with other complete cult fantasy hits, so I decided what the heck let's have some fun. Now you certainly don't have to watch this movie, it's Z-grade sleazy trash but in the right mindframe you can have a bit of a good time just poking fun at the movie and it's absurdities. We all see different types of movies, and the movies you watch should reflect your personality and your preferences, you watch the movies that make you happy and very soon you too will experience the joy of moviegoing. Now that we've made a happy little intro, let's do it. I'll admit I wasn't expecting greatness from the beginning but there were elements of this movie that were better than I expected. It's still garbage, but it's entertaining garbage. The film was made for two reasons, to see fools get cut up real good and to see bewbs. Lots of bewbs. When a movie has already shown a flash of nudity, unnecessary nudity at that, not even 3 minutes into the film you know you're in for a ride. The plot is about as cookie cutter as you can get with this fine haired, muscle bound swordsman tasked with defeating an evil wizard and reclaiming three items of power. There you go, there's the plot. Tolkien wishes he could write like this. I haven't seen many exploitation movies in my time, but I'm taking a real good stab in the dark that this is what it's like. Our main character, I refuse to call a man who forces himself onto women almost constantly a hero, is a complete jackass but Rick Hill has a bit of fun with it and has a modicrum of skill with a sword so I'll give him a few points. Deathstalker meets up with another warrior played by Richard Brooker who you may know better as Jason Voorhees in Friday The 13th Part 3, who kind of fits that more chivalrous warrior for the most part. Easily my favorite character was the badass warrior woman played by Lana Clarkson who may be the first to take the mentality of, well if guys can run around shirtless stabbing people in the heart I sure can too, and she even got her own spin off movie which is pretty rad. I think the only reason she was my favorite is because literally every guy in this movie is a pig, and that includes a straight up pig man, I mean it is shameless in it's view of women. Now am I saying that there wasn't a period of human history when women were nothing but trophies and essentially sentient sex toys? No, it no doubt occured but I just felt really unclean and uncomfortable at times with how much this movie comes close to full spank material. I mean the movie knows what it is and revels in it but sweet Jesus. Anyway, back to the characters. Bernard Erhard actually does a good job as the evil wizard who honestly reminds me a lot of Mondain from the first Ultima game, even the tattoo is similar to one you see in Serpent Isle. And for all 1 of you who understood what the hell I was talking about, I'm gonna stop waving my geek flag and get back to the review. But yeah, even though the characters are as basic as could be, the performances aren't all terrible and you could tell they did try. The action isn't amazing but even I have to admit the kills were brutal at times, though the special effects aren't exactly Tom Savini levels of quality. Best part of the movie period was the soundtrack, I was really not expecting anything even noticeable about the music in this movie, but it's pretty damn awesome and I was digging the hell out of it man! It's a mixed bag for sure, the film is trash undeniably but has some decent elements to it here and there. It's a movie you will only watch once but it is an experience I don't think you'll forget, even if you're drunk. And the film just barely clocks in past an hour and fifteen minutes, so it's mercifully short if nothing else. I still can't believe Roger Corman produced this, I know the man is a champion of financing low budget and independent films to make sure they get a decent release, but good lord. 1.5 stars, 4/10, 650th review coming tomorrow.

Rush Hour 3

Okay. You got me movie.

Rush Hour 3, honestly not that bad. Decent story that actually ties back to the first, with now ambassador Han having almost been assassinated brings Lee and Carter back together again this time hunting Triads in Paris, which honestly makes sense as the middle ground between America and China, it was gonna be in Europe no question. The action I feel was more involved and inventive than the second one, hell probably even outdoes the first. Cast once again does very fine work, and I must give the movie props for bringing back Tzi Ma as Han and while little Soo Yung is all grown up and is not the original actress, I'm not going to say a dang bad thing about Jingchu Zang, add Max Von Sydow to the equation and you got yourself a solid cast. The comedy wasn't as strong as the first but not as weak as the second, and really anytime an Abbot and Costello routine is performed I crack up so easily. So it's kind of a shock to go back to the most forgettable entry in this series, and find something really entertaining and worthwhile. That's never a bad thing in my book! I had a good time with this movie, true the first is still the best but it's a fairly solid trilogy when you get right down to it. I feel that while the brother subplot with Lee in this movie is interesting and really could bring some major good dialogue and moments it sadly was kinda just there and didn't do much, and I will admit the finale is slightly thrown off by CGI shots and kinda dodgy rear projections, so it's by no means perfect but they did put effort into it. This was by no means a cash grab of a series that again, hasn't been around for 6 years at that point, they had a fun story with interesting locations and setups and just went with it. Even I can agree that the filmmakers were looking to make another Rush Hour movie and not the absolute best Rush Hour movie, yet I still say it ended this series on a decent note and hasn't garnered a worse reputation in my eyes. So I dub this a win! 3 stars, 7/10, this is by no means some of the best martial arts movies I have seen but truthfully it's a pretty good starting place for future fans.

Rush Hour 2

Okay I gotta level with you on this, I did not see the first Rush Hour until way after this, we're talking 2005 or maybe 2006. I got this movie on DVD in 2002, first time I ever met these characters, first time I ever saw Jackie Chan, this was the one that introduced me to martial arts films. If it wasn't Star Wars or Lord Of The Rings, I did not watch movies in order back then.

Now that we got that out of the way, let's get on to it. Unfortunately Rush Hour 2 did not surpass or meet the standards of the first, yet I still did enjoy it. So we pick up literally about 3 days since the end of the last movie with Lee and Carter going to Hong Kong for a vacation but very quickly accept the case of a counterfeit money ring run by the partner of Lee's dad, as they work with a Secret Service operative to figure out how they are smuggling the money and shutting the operation down. Pretty much by the end of the movie I realized how strikingly similar it was to Diamonds Are Forever. We start off in an asian country but quickly shift gears to Las Vegas, the villain supppsedly dies only to pop up again, the henchman or in this case henchwoman is one of the most memorable parts of the movie and even has a final go at our heroes before their demise at the end, and it has a bit of smut to it. I was kinda shocked and yet not surprisingly shocked at the fanservice with this, any opportunity to show half-nekkid ladies this film delivers to the point where I was like, okay damn put some clothes on before you catch a cold, and if you did your math I was about 7 years old when I saw this movie. And I watched it a lot, may have even fueled a particular taste in women....I've said too much right now so let's not dwell on that. To the technicals! I will say this movie upped the first with how many more stunts and hand to hand fights there were, with plenty of variety in location and inventive use of the environment. On the flip side, I didn't laugh as much but what it lacks in comedy it makes up for in action, so it's a fair trade off between the two. For an hour and a half movie it flies at almost lightning speed, I barely felt like I sat down when the third act rolled in which isn't a bad thing but it is something I noticed, and the first movie is like not even 10 minutes longer than this so it keeps you going quite quick. The cast again was quite good, with Jackie and Chris still having good chemistry and it's an appropriate shift to see Carter now in Lee's territory. John Lone plays a very cool headed and very smooth villain which he does quite well at, but Zhang Ziyi steals the show with a psychotic urge to kill and a striking look so she was easily the best new addition to the cast which speaks a lot about her acting talent as she didn't understand english and yet delivered a very good performance. Roselyn Sanchez I simultaneously liked her in the movie yet didn't, I liked her because she does kinda keep you guessing on who she's working for and even isn't half bad in an action sequence, but I just hated how the camera was leering at her with a few instances of let's just say undress, but she did fine work in the role. It's kinda weird how I remember liking this movie so much more than the first when I was younger, and was even expecting a little bit for it to still be my favorite and yet now I very much agree the first is still the best. I couldn't tell you how much I wanted to watch Rush Hour 3 after it was jokingly teased, and had to wait 6 years for it. Needless to say I do not remember much about it and I honestly don't think I cared for it much even back then. Only one way tonfind out where it stands. In the meantime, 3 stars, I give it 6.5/10, still worth a watch even if only once, and I'll see you next time.