The Beastmaster

This is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!!

It's like if Deathstalker actually had a budget, was more inventive, and was you know, good. How this movie performed average at the box office is beyond me but thanks to VHS it's grown a cult following that still runs strong today. I was very impressed with this movie, it had my attention from the start but by 20 minutes in I was living for this movie! The plot is once again simple but the creative decisions in terms of character and plot is what makes the movie so damn enjoyable, with an evil high priest warned of his coming demise by the king's unborn son who through one of the most bizarre acts of magic I have seen in cinematic history is born from an ox, yes I'm serious, and is almost killed before being rescued by a commoner from a small village. Through some magical means the young boy grows into a fine young man named Dar who has the unique ability of controlling animals and eventually sets his sights on the evil priest. He meets a young woman named Kiri, a skilled warrior named Seth (very ancient warrior name I know), and an assortment of animals. The cast like in Deathstalker are fully commited to their roles and are actually really really good, Marc Singer is all sorts of awesome and is a great lead, Tanya Roberts is heart shatteringly beautiful, John Amos being in anything is an automatic win, and while Rip Torn doesn't have much of a presence he still does good work. The technical aspects as well are most impressive, with good effects including miniatures and quite decent creature designs, great cinematography at points with good use of color and camera movement, not to mention the fact how very well trained the animals are. Do not get me wrong I am a practical worshipper of cats but even I would be just the tiniest bit apprehensive around a tiger. For a PG movie it has some serious balls, not only do they have zero issue showing the death of a child, but there are three instances of frontal nudity in this movie. This...PG movie. To quote a better internet critic, "Oh bless the 70s and 80s. Our movie's PG, bring the kids! We got tiddies and everything!". Again, nothing but hardcore respect and admiration for anybody to be nude in a film, you have to be incredibly comfortable in your skin to do that on film, where countless people will be able to see you for all of time, and Tanya Roberts is one of those people. Boy, kind of makes me wonder how many pre-teen kids saw this back in the day. Probably got quite a few rentals from the video store. But there is seriously a very competently and well made film here, I was having a complete blast with this movie and fully understand why it grew a cult following. It's pretty awesome, I won't lie to you for a minute. If you can look past the occasional absurdities and the fact that you know, a guy can communicate with ferrets so they can go steal shit, you can have a great time with this movie. It really reminds of sort of the same avenue Highlander went down, a lesser known but completely awesome film which got horrifyingly ruined in the sequel, but people still love it to this very day. And I'm proud to call myself a fan of both. Like, I am going to buy this movie on any format that I can. 4 stars, screw it I'm giving it a 7.5/10, could not recommend it enough!

And now we got to 650 reviews. Good God. No doubt we'll hit 700 before the year is out with some special months coming up, zip a lip on that though, you'll just have to be patient.

Bubba Ho-Tep

I do apologize for the brief lateness of this review, it took me ages to find it and yesterday was hectic. But let's get started on what may be the best horror film I've reviewed this year.

Damn man, that was a great movie. I don't think Bubba Ho-Tep is a great horror film, it's a great film period. And for a story about Elvis Presley and President Kennedy fighting a mummy in a stetson and cowboy boots, it's all that entails and more. It's a B-movie plot but the way it's handled is what really makes this movie special. It stars Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis, as elderly past icons living in a retirement home where no one believes they say who they are and pretty soon there's a mummy about. Why does he have a cowboy hat and boots? Beats the hell out of me, but the mummy is the most underrated monster that deserves more love and attention in my humble opinion so I don't even care. It's all a part of the style of the film, and everything works because of the writing and acting. You don't actually see the mummy much, only about 4 times including the climax, but what makes the movie great is the performance of Bruce Campbell. Now he's always done a fine job in his roles but I'll be damned if I didn't say this was his best role, and I'll stand by that to my dying day. The story focuses a lot more on how Elvis got to the retirement home and his surprisingly deep and philosophical musings and thoughts. I'm serious man if there wasn't any supernatural whatsit's going on and just focused on these two characters I wouldn't mind a bit. He thinks about his past life, his decisions, his regrets, how much time he's spent stuck in a bed, and it's really something special. I can't really explain it, though the film is a comedy it's not afraid to ask some questions about life and it's handled seriously with sincere acting. It's easily the best part of the entire movie and it would take me ages to say how much I truly love it. But it's not just the writing, it's shot very well, the editing is a bit odd but it's nothing that will hurt your enjoyment, the cast is small but the performances of our leads just knock it out of the park. I also recognized a few things related to other mummy movies, the film takes place in East Texas which is already pretty great cause that's where I'm from but it ain't the first mummy movie to take place in the south, the Universal Mummy movies centered around Kharis took place in Louisiana, and there's even more callbacks to that series. The tanna leaves are mentioned which is a key component for ressurecting the mummy, the best weapon of choice is fire, and a strangulation scene is much appreciated. You could honestly look past the horror aspects and see this film as a drama with some damn funny comedy in it, so even if this sounds like a ridiculous movie and it is, you shouldn't cast it aside. It has been awhile since I've seen something this great in terms of writing, this is an absolutely fantastic film which I couldn't recommend more if I tried. 4 stars, 8/10, this is a must see movie for horror fans or people with a good sense of humor or for those who just like a good story. And I can't even begin to say how sorry I am I didn't bring it to your attention sooner, watch this movie regardless of whether it's October or not, you owe it to yourself. Rent it, buy it, watch it, love it.