Tourist Trap

All you mannequin and dummy phobia people may want to skip out on this.



This movie strangely feels like it should have come out in the early 80s but debuted in 1979, combining elements of Psycho, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and House Of Wax with a group of travelling young folk through a deserted old road and finding a wax museum that looks like it needs a few new attractions. Basic so far until you get about 5 minutes in and then it becomes a very very different movie. Turning almost into a fever dream of surreal and supernatural occurences but I won't say much more. I legitimately like our cast throughout, Chuck Connors is more or less our lead and I knew for a fact I recognized him from somewhere in the western genre and it turns out he was the star of The Rifleman. Showing my age once again, but I thoroughly enjoyed his performance and would have gladly seen him in more horror movies, not only does he have a strong physique literally carrying our co-stars like a babe in arms, and towering at 6'6" (same height as me by the by), but his acting shows mighty good range here showing off quite a bit of charm and emotion. He was undoubtedly the highlight for me. Jocelyn Jones is a fine final girl, and while her survivor mantle isn't obtained till near the end she did pretty good. Kinda was shocked to see Tanya Roberts in this, and my lord that lady never lost her beauty through time and it's a true shame she passed away this year, so it was a definite treat to see her again. For such a small roster of a cast the movie doesn't feel sparse with good locations but more importantly some unusual extras, now I don't have any kind of problem with mannequins I quite adore Kim Catrall and weathered Autons in Doctor Who with ease, but man it was just a tiny bit creepy in this movie. You don't see them slowly shambling through the sets with the intent to kill, but you sure don't feel settled when a shot is peppered with them. The story moves at a pretty good pace and even got some reactionary kills from me, and I do suggest people give it a go if only just to spread awareness and discuss their own opinions of it. For such a bizzare premise, it's a decent little movie and not by a long shot a bad way to cap off the first week of October. I give it 3 stars, 7/10, and we are wrapping up some unfinished business with a popular horror franchise next week so stay tuned.

A View To A Kill

Yeah this movie is a bit weird.

Roger Moore's last bow as James Bond is set amid a strange yet still kind of enjoyable movie. The plot is somewhat akin to Goldfinger, Bond is investigating an electronics tycoon with intents to level Silicon Valley and create a monopoly on the microchip, and while the story isn't half bad the devil is in the details. Even Roger said he didn't very much like this movie and felt it was way out of left field for the series at that point and I do have to agree, and said he was far too old to play the part which I sort of see. Granted yes, the stunt doubles are so prevalent you could start a drinking game, it is odd to see Roger get in bed with such young women but honestly the man could charm anything and anybody, the villains though great are just bizarre, and I feel this would have made a fantastic first Bond film for Timothy Dalton. Regardless Roger does fine work in his last installment and it is a shame to see him go but what an impact he left which is still felt even today. Tanya Roberts is...not teeth grindingly annoying as some would suggest and she does have a nice moment here or two but the character was missing something for me. Honestly I would have loved this movie ten times more if we stuck around with that Russian spy, she seemed quite fun and had some history with Bond. Now let's get to the best part, Christopher Walken as the villain and flipping Grace Jones as May Day. Oh God it is simultaneously a stroke of genius and one of the most weird casting choices in cinema. But aside from the neverending fun that is Christopher Walken, I do genuinely dig Max Zorin's backstory of a product of nazi experimentation and that he worked for the KGB is endlessy fascinating and is a pretty great origin especially for a Bond villain. Grace Jones is not out of place in the weirdness that is A View To A Kill, and is a matchmade in heaven with Walken but I just don't know what to make of this character, but I'll be lying if I said she isn't fun to watch at times. The action is okay this time around but it certainly picks up in the next few movies but I can't blame it, Moore was 57 when they were shooting and I'm not going to say he should have doubled down on the physical aspects of the role. The whole film just feels off, not bad but off, if they changed two or three aspects of the film including our main star I wouldn't mind it a bit but the way the production feels is like they just wanted to make another Bond movie and not the next best Bond movie. It doesn't feel like an appropriate end to Roger Moore's tenure, whereas Octopussy ended just right. Despite the issues it has I don't hate the movie, and would give it 2.5 stars, 6.5/10, but would only really recommend it for the hardcore Roger Moore fans or if you're having an all out marathon of the series. Tune in next time for Timothy Dalton's The Living Daylights.

The Beastmaster

This is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!!

It's like if Deathstalker actually had a budget, was more inventive, and was you know, good. How this movie performed average at the box office is beyond me but thanks to VHS it's grown a cult following that still runs strong today. I was very impressed with this movie, it had my attention from the start but by 20 minutes in I was living for this movie! The plot is once again simple but the creative decisions in terms of character and plot is what makes the movie so damn enjoyable, with an evil high priest warned of his coming demise by the king's unborn son who through one of the most bizarre acts of magic I have seen in cinematic history is born from an ox, yes I'm serious, and is almost killed before being rescued by a commoner from a small village. Through some magical means the young boy grows into a fine young man named Dar who has the unique ability of controlling animals and eventually sets his sights on the evil priest. He meets a young woman named Kiri, a skilled warrior named Seth (very ancient warrior name I know), and an assortment of animals. The cast like in Deathstalker are fully commited to their roles and are actually really really good, Marc Singer is all sorts of awesome and is a great lead, Tanya Roberts is heart shatteringly beautiful, John Amos being in anything is an automatic win, and while Rip Torn doesn't have much of a presence he still does good work. The technical aspects as well are most impressive, with good effects including miniatures and quite decent creature designs, great cinematography at points with good use of color and camera movement, not to mention the fact how very well trained the animals are. Do not get me wrong I am a practical worshipper of cats but even I would be just the tiniest bit apprehensive around a tiger. For a PG movie it has some serious balls, not only do they have zero issue showing the death of a child, but there are three instances of frontal nudity in this movie. This...PG movie. To quote a better internet critic, "Oh bless the 70s and 80s. Our movie's PG, bring the kids! We got tiddies and everything!". Again, nothing but hardcore respect and admiration for anybody to be nude in a film, you have to be incredibly comfortable in your skin to do that on film, where countless people will be able to see you for all of time, and Tanya Roberts is one of those people. Boy, kind of makes me wonder how many pre-teen kids saw this back in the day. Probably got quite a few rentals from the video store. But there is seriously a very competently and well made film here, I was having a complete blast with this movie and fully understand why it grew a cult following. It's pretty awesome, I won't lie to you for a minute. If you can look past the occasional absurdities and the fact that you know, a guy can communicate with ferrets so they can go steal shit, you can have a great time with this movie. It really reminds of sort of the same avenue Highlander went down, a lesser known but completely awesome film which got horrifyingly ruined in the sequel, but people still love it to this very day. And I'm proud to call myself a fan of both. Like, I am going to buy this movie on any format that I can. 4 stars, screw it I'm giving it a 7.5/10, could not recommend it enough!

And now we got to 650 reviews. Good God. No doubt we'll hit 700 before the year is out with some special months coming up, zip a lip on that though, you'll just have to be patient.