The Protege

F**********k, that was good!

Granted I didn't really know too much or really knew what to expect, but Christ that was a good movie. It's not the action movie the trailer leads you to believe, it's here to tell a story, it knows what it wants to be, and it pulls it off in spades. Now the trailer did get me to see the movie, 100% due to it's star power but you get a proper good movie here. Okay so the plot follows two assassins played by Maggie Q and Samuel L. Jackson as they take on another case and hunt some bad guys, typical action movie plot. Then you have the wild card that is Michael Keaton. Now I'm not saying this movie is amazing because of Michael Keaton, I am a huge fan of his but at the same time...his character and the personality he gives to it is what makes the movie so much better than it already is. This dynamic between him and Maggie Q got me super invested and I was already really rolling with the plot and was digging the hell out of it, because they are two pieces on opposite ends of the board here but you see it and hear it in his eyes he does not want our main character dead, far from it even. That added so much for me, I just loved this movie! It's a very character driven story, and you get a few shooty shoots and they're done quite nicely, but it is at the heart of the matter the relationships between Maggie, Sam, and Michael that not only is the majority of the film but pushes it above my expectations. Now I can fully 100% understand why some people would walk out of this movie feeling a bit bait and switched, it's geared up to look like a out for blood revenge story with wall to wall action, but that's far from the truth. I get it. It's fine. Yet everything about this movie clicked with me. I love the actors, I mean anytime Maggie Q is in a new movie is a welcome celebration for me cause she's been kicking ass for years and I truly adore her, maybe even crushed a fair bit on her character. I don't know, a girl with reddish hair, owns a bookshop, and has a love for cats, assassin or not I can see myself settling down with for the rest of my life. Sam is a lot of fun, and has some dang nice chemistry with Maggie and as you learn more about their relationship it only gets stronger. And Michael, holy mother of mercy this is what I signed up for. So funny, can still kick ass, gives just enough of that off-ness to really knock these lines out of the park, and dude that final scene f***ed me up a bit. It really reminded me of Heat, and at the same time gave me final standoff in a western kind of vibe, this is some good stuff man. Like it has been awhile since I gushed about a movie this much, that should be clues enough for you to go check it out. Nothing short of 4 stars, 8.5/10, like man this movie could have a following and I am all there for it. What a high note to go out on this week, I genuinely hope next week can give the same when we look at Candyman so I'll see you soon.

Terminator 2 Judgement Day

Alright, I shall concede.

I not only would say Terminator 2 is superior to the first movie but is one of the few sequels that are better in every single way. All the elements that were birthed in the universe of the first Terminator movie are not only expanded upon but I think done better, I mean no shock there this movie had a severely improved budget and we were nearing an era of unprecedented special effects. I mean this movie hit before Jurassic Park and proved that we have the means, we have the technology, we can do something big. And don't even ask how in the moons of Mars they pulled half these CG shots off, it's downright absurd how good it still looks today. Shit, if I'm being really honest it looks better than 90% of movie's effects today. It might as well be magic, and by God do I miss those days of movie magic. So where do we go after the arduous battle with the T-800? Well the war is still kinda going in 2029, mark your calendars and buy stock in Apple everybody so we can die, and our band of resistance meatsacks sends a reprogrammed T-800 back in time after Skynet sends a completely unheard of model, the T-1000, back to not only exterminate Sarah Connor but her son John. So we meet up with the hero of the human race who turns out was a wiseass street smark punk back in the day, as very quickly the chase is on. We meet up with Sarah who has got major PTSD after the bullshit she went through last film, and the trio set out to destroy the company that unwittingly crafted Skynet while desperately trying not to get shanked by a liquid metal Robert Patrick. It's pretty spectacular. I mean already the movie throws you for a curveball and takes a similar but drastically different plot synopsis of the first movie, the action is still some of the best I've seen and you can sure as hell tell it's real, the actors are all given good material to work with in particular Linda and Arnold. I could probably make a case that Arnold gets the award for acting in this, because it is a stark contrast from the first, with him getting into conversations, learning human emotion, and developing a personality throughout. Don't get me wrong, he was really friggin' good in the first movie but he obviously gets a lot more to do in this. Linda Hamilton is just like, f***ing go big or go home, my God is she going for it and succeeds spectacularly! Her character gets more developed, and her performance gets more developed. I am here for it. I know some people give some good grief to Edward Furlong for his performance, but I bought it, I loved it, I thought he totally had the attitude and personality of a street smart kid and you can tell he really does give the performance his all. Easily one of the best young actors I've seen. But good sweet lord, so much was riding on Robert Patrick in this movie, and it payed off in aces. That's some of the most brilliant casting I've ever seen, he's not physically imposing, he blends in a crowd, but the dread has been turnt up to 11! Arnold scared me just a wee bit in the last movie, but here? I'm out. Ju-nope. That is like, all the nope. F*** me, is his performance golden. He can play the role of a police officer but when the pendulum drops, game over man, there is nooo way you're walking out alive. Perfect. Absolute class. I'm trying so hard not to spiral down the rabbit hole of trying to figure out these special effects, I can't believe how well it turned out and I could watch hours of documentary footage on this and still not have a clue how the T-1000 came to life. So I'll just move on to final scores. 4 stars, 8.5/10! And there was never another Terminator movie again, the end. The story's done, yeah we could take a Ian Malcolm stance on it and say that in the case of Skynet, "Life uh, finds a way." but come on, they introduced and tied up the loose ends for a reason. We had an arc, we had closure, it wasn't an insult to my intelligence, that's it. Bye-bye, I'll see you next week for....something.

Charlie's Angels Full Throttle

Shite. Well, thanks for joining this review. Bye!!

I can't decide what's f***ing worse, the first movie that was in it's own little world doing it's own thing or this movie trying so hard to do stuff and failing miserably! And to think, I dare thought that the first movie was bad. No no no no. This. This sucks. Every point of the last movie that was already bad and made me want to peel the skin off my face and then skull rape my own eyesockets gets worse! How??! Hot buttery biscuits, how?? Don't even attempt the damn drinking game cause you will die. There's no getting around it, you would be dead, there would be more alcohol than blood in your body and you would cease to breathe. I mean the first movie was at least a bit funny, and had decent effects, and good actors doing decent work! True the objectifying bullshit was bad, but this thiiiis is the worst I have ever seen. The effects are just, pssh I'm not even going to talk about it I'm just gonna ask you, the f*** is wrong with you? And somehow you squandered more talent in this than the last, you couldn't even get Bill Murray because he was either filming Lost In Translation or was too bleedin' good for this, you got Bruce Willis and the shittin' T-1000 in this movie and you do dick with them. You bring John Cleese...and you break him in this movie. Nevermind the fact I'm wondering what sin he commited to be in this movie, but you see his character just crumble and you know what? Damn you, damn you to hell and take your movie with you. I liked his character and you broke him. Thank God you at least had Bernie Mac, because I love that man and he was my eternal sunshine in this movie, he made me laugh so much and goddamn do I miss him! I know our main leads probably had a lot of fun and if for nothing else, made good memories shooting a movie with friends. That's fine, I have nothing against them even a teeny bit, if you can look back on it fondly it isn't too terrible. Oh God, I'm rambling. The story has some meat to it or at least highly processed meat to it, I mean you still got your whatever caper but then you get stuff like, backstory into Dylan and an old adversary of hers returns, you get a retired Angel coming into the fray, the possibility of Natalie moving on from the team and having a life of her own. These are not horrible concepts by any stretch, but the execution and style of the film is what completely shoots itself in the foot. Wait, I take that back. It is shoving a double barrel shotgun down it's throat and somehow pulling the trigger twice. I can appreciate trying to make this a more involved and important film, but it just doesn't work. It doesn't feel earned, it certainly doesn't match the tone and direction, this is shut your brain off entertainment action shlock. I like our lead actors, they're having fun so screw it let sleeping dogs lie, John Cleese and Bernie Mac are amazing and I love them so, but beyond that....no. You even brought my guy back, you brough skinny bollocks back still being played by Crispin Glover, but you gave him 3 scenes and I don't like that. Plus the kiss was just, f***ing hwhat??? When the most interesting part of your movie is a side character whose name in itself is a mystery to me because I have heard of several characters throughout my life with the moniker of The Thin Man but I don't know anything beyond that and I want to research it (and by research I mean spend 10 minutes and google it) just to learn more. That's it! And you would have to pay me sacks of money to review the new one. No. Non merci. I will be watching and reviewing something I actually love with a female lead this Friday, thank you very much. Do I give it a rating? It sort of defies ratings but okay. 1 star, 3.5/10, there's my meaningless scores. I'm done, bye.