Krampus

Happy Friday the 13th everyone!

It was a toss up between this and Black Christmas this year, but I felt Krampus was much more the Christmas movie than a horror film with a Christmas backdrop. It's definitely an unconventional Christmas movie but certainly one that shouldn't be dismissed. Our old friend Michael Dougherty returns to give us another great holiday film, centered around a young boy named Max who feels that Christmas isn't what it used to be and with the arrival of his relatives feels very disillusioned with the holiday and rips his letter to Santa into shreds, which causes the arrival of the mirror universe equivalent of Santa Claus the eponymous Krampus. Yes, I know Krampus is very much a deeply rooted historical figure in Europe like Saint Nicholas but I'm a geek, I make Star Trek jokes, so sue me. As far as my knowledge goes this was a very average movie in the eyes of both critics and audiences, if anything it fits the Trick r' Treat status being a cult classic film that slowly gets more of an audience each year. I'm not entirely sure what people expected this movie to be but I really liked it! It's not a straight up horror movie, it's PG-13, it has a bit of emphasis on comedy, while it starts going down to the wire early on in the movie there's not much in terms of scares. It's more like a Gremlins situation, where the creepy stuff is there but it's never focused on. I can see that upsetting major horror fans, and I can see people really not enjoying the Christmas aspect, it does fall inbetween genres but if you're in the right mindset and just want to see a well made, creative, and interesting movie that goes against the grain of this particular time of the year then give it a go. There's a lot to like in the movie and I really have no qualms watching it every December. I love the family interactions in this movie, they hit that so spot on and it really does feel like a situation countless individuals face, seeing relatives during the holidays that you could honestly live without seeing. And yeah, if I had some stereotypical redneck relatives coming to my house for Christmas I'd be in a less than jolly mood too, but as the movie goes on and when push comes to shove you can see they don't hate each other and find common ground with each other, they're still family and after saving each others asses a few times they start getting along. I think the actor who plays Max is really good, and does fit that 10 year old headspace especially concerning the Santa thing, and the relationship between him and the grandmother is actually very nice. I like the fact we see Krampus a bit throughout the movie and isn't just pure buildup until his appearance before the end, it's a great design and certainly carries a strong presence to the very end. Again, major respect for the director only using CG when necessary, there's lots of practical effects and costumes used for Krampus and his minions, and they all look fantastic with each having a unique design and are memorable. I absolutely do say this is a Christmas movie, not only do the visuals always have some aspect of Christmas in them, whether it be snowmen, gingerbread houses, decorations galore, and enough snow to go around, but it has that Christmas spirit to it. Because as it turns out, what truly summons Krampus is the fact that only when people have no hope, are greedy, self-absorbed, and have no love or respect for the season does he appear. All of which told fantastically in a straight up stopmotion story by the grandmother, so it does reinforce that you need to keep the spirit of Christmas alive. It's actually warranted in this movie, I gave some serious good grief to A Christmas Carol over the fact that most iterations have Scrooge basically scared into loving Christmas, but here it makes sense because Krampus is the exact opposite of Santa Claus and will take away the things you love most instead of give. They handle it very well and there's always a chance of redemption. Which leads me to the ending, which I won't spoil of course, but you can have your own interpretation of it. It's not ambigous but you can see it one way or another. I really like this movie and it should have more fans, it's very different absolutely but if the decision came where I either had to watch Krampus or some bullshit Hallmark movie which is the exact same movie that every Hallmark movie is, I'm picking the one with killer gingerbread men. Final sum up, Krampus has a place in the holiday season for me, and perhaps you should think on the words "You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why" more carefully in the future. 4 stars, 7.5/10!

I'm being torn apart. I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?

Elf: Part 2

Is the movie done yet?

So James Caan has a cunning plan to dispose of his son, uh I mean keep his son busy while he works. So he sends him down to the mail room. Okay. Why not. So he gets down there and mistakes bourbon for syrup, and proceeds to have a deep out of body conversation with one of the workers. Cause I guess bourbon makes you high as a kite. You know I tried bourbon once, it tasted like a bar of soap and it was the most horrible thing I ever drank. Speaking of which there's a magic potion that if you drink it you forget about this movie. It's called cyanide. Just screw it, you know. Why try? Why am I talking about this movie? Well cause I need to assassinate it that's why. But what do I care, my life is a lie. What was I talking about? Oh right, so Zooey kisses Buddy and I screamed at my television for a few seconds, I think I blacked out cause I opened my eyes and Peter Dinklage was standing before me (Peter Dinklage whyyyyy???). He's my hero in this movie, he's intelligent, knows what he needs and can do, and beats Buddy the elf. You know I never watched Game Of Thrones but if there's a scene where Peter Dinklage shanks somebody I wish he did the same to Buddy. So we have our big tiff between father and son, cue the mopey dopey sad times music, move along! I got stuff to do, I got places to be, I have dreams and aspirations but here I am. Talking about Elf. Ffffffun. James Caan then throws a pitch meeting, and I'd pay so much money to see Kathy Bates whack fools in the ankles with a sledgehammer right now, and the decision soon comes up: Actually do your job and not risk putting your family into poverty or help find the person you hated and knowed of for only a handful of days and reconcile with him? Yeah I'd wander around the streets of New York City aimlessly too in literal freezing temperatures. Plot twist, I wouldn't. So miracle of miracles, coincidence of coinkydinks, Santa crashes in Central Park and Buddy quickly finds him. I don't know how to feel about the fact that Santa was about to whack Buddy with a tire iron, and I don't mean hit I mean sleeping with the fishes kind of whack, but he quickly employs his help to find the engine for the sleigh. Cause apparently in this bullshit f***ery universe the reindeer don't fly due to a badass warlock named Winter, but simply on Christmas spirit so Buddy finds his dad and brother who just so happened to come across the engine minutes after Santa smashed down, well thank the baby Jesus for that, and they return the engine back to the sleigh before the Nazgul, I mean Central Park Rangers can get them. Seriously all I heard was the Ringwraith theme when they were on screen. Now that would be cool, "Give up the engine half-elf." "If you want it, come and claim it." , and then they stab him with a Morgul blade and they all lived happily ever after. PS. Shame on you movie for your clear and misleading factual information, for the Central Park Rangers never stepped in to the Simon and Garfunkel concert it was a peaceful and great event which you should definitely check out, and the little fact that it didn't happen in 1985! It happened in 1981! You had Wikipedia in 2003, use it! Got to move on, we're so close, oh my God we're so fricking close. So Daniel steals Santa's list to jumpstart some Christmas spirit, even though Santa himself says that Christmas spirit is about believing and not seeing, which is automatically proven wrong as he reads the list on live television news. At least Polar Express got it right. Oh sweet Christ on the cross I forgot about this, the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. I could argue that for the next millenia, and while I do enjoy Zooey's singing in that earlier scene this is way too corny and schmultzy for me. I mean really? She stands on a horse carriage and sings Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town and everyone slowly joins in, not only in the crowd but everyone who is watching it on TV. Thanks, I hate it! But it works, hurrah, and Santa goes off to I guess deliver more toys with Buddy tagging along and leaving all those people most important to him to live on without him. Because that makes sense. And they never saw each other again, the end. Hey wait....they stole Santa's stuff! Yeah, Daniel steals the list, James Cann steals his coat and hat in the most feeble attempt at subterfuge in human history, and he never gets them back! That poor man is going to freeze to death in the winter air. Congratulations, you killed Christmas you f***ing utter disappointment. This is the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. It's worse than The Room, it's worse than Fifty Shades Of Grey, Transformers 2, Expendables 3, Battlefield Earth, and all the Twilight movies. Yes it has little touches here and there that I don't honestly mind and kind of like, but when you stack them up it's like a gnat's wing compared to an obelisk of garbage. The performances are fine, but the story and script is what makes this movie so heinously anus, it doesn't look all that nice, the attempts at comedy are nonexistent in my eyes, and it is god awful. It's one of the worst films I have ever had the displeasure of seeing, I never want to see this movie again for as long as I live. It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You get nothing! You lose! Goodnight! 1/10, half a star, if I could give less I would.

Elf: Part 1

Death is better. Death is at least a charming figure that I could have tea with. There is no such enjoyment in Elf.

I hated this movie! Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie! Hated it! Hated every simpering, stupid, vacant, intelligence-insulting moment of it! Where do I begin with this blight upon my life? You know...there was a time when I was young, innocent, and wholesome and I kind of liked Elf. But as time passed and I was subjected to endless viewings of it during the holiday season at school because there's clearly no Christmas classics at all, there is only Elf, screw A Miracle On 34th Street, screw Home Alone, screw Polar Express, screw A Christmas Story, or Die Hard, or It's A Wonderful Life. Actually f*** that movie. But my point is it got old, and it got old fast. This movie is over 15 years old and it has been haunting my holiday season for too long. I do not recommend this movie. I do not urge anybody to ever watch it. I do not feel happiness in my soul. I could end the review right here, but I'm really just getting started. The title seems like the most boring ass, unimaginative title in motion picture history. The Room is weird, but the movie mostly takes place in one room, it makes sense. Elf. Elf? I mean you only said the word 5,020 times in the course of 90 minutes so might as well call the movie that. I think there's actually a horror movie called Elves, I'd much rather watch that. Okay I seriously got to go through this movie point by point, beginning to end cause I just can't summarize how ungodly bad this movie is. Now I will be clear, I will not lie, I will not exaggerate, I will not even twist my words and simply tell you how I felt watching this movie. And here we go! I will say the opening credits are not a half bad recreation of the Rankin & Bass Rudolph special but the music couldn't be more bland and forgetful if it tried. We're told through the most superflous and unreliable narrator played by Bob Newhart (Just why Bob?) the story of a baby that lives in an orphanage and after Santa visits with weird creepy ass music playing. Pause. What is with this trend? Have you ever noticed in live action movies where Santa is an actual real figure and when he first appears the music gets all ominous and creepy? What the f*** is that? Shouldn't it be a joyous occasion that we see Santa Claus? Are you deliberately trying to scare children? This happens way too often and I'm sick of it. Resume. So the baby somehow breaks out of his crib and crawls into Santa's bag of toys and is never discovered or noticed until he crawls out of the damn thing when they're back in the North Pole. And instead of returning the baby, or Santa willingly and lovingly adopt him as the heir to the Claus legacy, he shoves it off on his slave labor who are happily brainwashed into endlessly working without compensation for him for several centuries, to raise the boy. They then give him a name found on the very diaper he wears which is Buddy, and so ensues a montage of Buddy growing up in the care of Bob Newhart until he becomes a fully grown Will Ferrell fresh from SNL. He's not a very good elf, and never questions why he's 4 times the size of every individual save for Santa and a snowman in this town, and I guess there's no color or festive decorations in the North Pole because every single building looks like the house from The friggin' Babadook. It's all cold and miserable gray. Because that is clearly what I think of when I think of where Santa lives. In fact the only color really is the elf's costumes, even outside it's just 90% white and I feel like I'm going blind while looking at it. Also I see you fake trees on your clearly plastic stands. You couldn't cover that shit up? Ugh, anyway. Pretty soon Buddy overhears someone spill the beans about his species and for some weird reason sets out on a mission to find his dad. Hwhat?? When did this happen? He finds out, freaks out, Bob tells him the backstory of how he came to be, then he starts talking to Santa about New York City and how his dad is on the naughty list which is just hammered home in case you didn't get it with James Caan turning down a nun for wanting books for apparently orphans. Why not just have him steal candy from a baby and kick a blind man's dog, I don't think we got the picture!! Urgh moving on, so I guess he's going to find his dad because he needs closure? He wants to meet him? Wants to redeem him perhaps? I have no clue. At this point I hit the alcohol but unfortunately I was almost out of milk so I only had four white russians. Anyway, so he meets the snowman from Rudolph who I have to admit doesn't do a bad impression of Burl Ives before leaving the North Pole. And I absolutely die of laughter when the little stop motion animals start crying when he leaves, I know that probably makes me Satan's most treasured follower or whatever but I don't care, it's hilarious! We're then treated to another montage that I'm sure you could start a drinking game for, trust me you'll need it, as Buddy makes his way to New York City. And instead of dying from exposure or contracting rabies from a trash panda, he makes it to the big city. I will also say the film doesn't have a bad soundtrack, oh not the Christmas songs those are still horrible, but just other music they use is quite nice really. Cue another montage of him wandering around New York City, got to pad that run time Johnny! At least he gets hit by a car, that kinda made me laugh. He soon finds his dad and how can I say this? Uncomfortable doesn't really cover the way I felt in these scenes, more like and I'm probably only going to say this once but I cringed quite a lot in this movie. It was very difficult for me to look at the screen for periods of time. No movie has ever done this. I could review Salo tomorrow and have an easier time watching that. What happens next? Uh, James Cann tells him to f*** off, he goes to Gimbels cause why not go sell out a department store like Miracle On 34th Street (The only part I didn't like about that movie.), he meets Zooey Deschanel (Why Zooey?) and acts like a weirdo that you should cross the street to avoid, stays up all night to decorate I guess a Christmas shop in preparation for "Santa", creeps on a girl singing in the shower (I hate the scene, but love the singing.), I encounter another cringey scene with his dad that makes me contemplate quitting reviews forever, and we finally meet "Santa". I legitimately feared for a child's life, this guy was psychotic and very aggressive. Kill this movie with fire. Buddy gets thrown in prison and somehow does not become a bottom bitch, and is picked up by Caan and gets a DNA test done. The results are in, in the case of 30 year old Buddy, you ARE the father! Will give credit to the little girl in the waiting room, she is adorable and I would die for her. I don't even care that she is in this movie, I'd guard her with my life. We soon meet James Caan's family with Mary Steenburgen as his wife (Mary whyy??) and Daniel Tay as his second son and he attempts to integrate with the family but with soul crushing failure and will have to wander the wilderness and die. Oh wait. That's my nature documentary script, sorry about that. They accept him cause of course they do. Even I was surprised at the goodness that was spaghetti and syrup though, like you get half a point just for that movie, even though how does he not get the diabeetus from all that crap? So what's the story at this point? Reconnect with a family he never knew and by the looks of it has barely began since Daniel Tay is like, nine in this movie. There's no plot or drama, there's nothing to be invested in, I'm just watching a grown man in tights bullshit about with no entertainment in sight. Great. Happy Christmas to me. Apparently Mayor Ebert from that asshat Roland Emmerich's Godzilla is in this movie, now that's a stamp of quality if I've ever seen one. Back to the story. So Buddy and Daniel lolligag about and I'm concerned no one's pointing out how strange it is that a grown man in an elf costume is with a young boy, so I guess bad touch goes on the list of things that don't exist in this movie. He asks Zooey out on a date and for reasons even the celestial beings don't know, she accepts. Montage! I can't remember how many pills I took at this point. Who's mucking with my fedicine??

Continued in part two.

A Christmas Carol (1984)

Christmas a humbug indeed.

As far as my opinions go, this and the Alastair Sim Chriatmas Carol are the only one worthy of watching, that and Scrooged too. I originally thought that this was a theatrically released film but it was shown as a TV movie here in the States, and it was only in theaters in the U.K. so I was half correct. And I can safely say that George C. Scott's performance alone is worth seeing this tale again. He's an actor I have great respect and admiration for, and his take on Ebenezer Scrooge is so different yet so welcome. Essentially dropping the curmudgeon miser, and instead potraying him as a tired man with a dark sense of humor and a great intelligence about him, that clashes very well with the spirits. Christmas Past is very kind and wise, starting to break down the barriers of Scrooge's emotions and this leads to Scott's incredible acting all through facial expressions, you can just see him hold this contempt for his father and his wistful nostalgia for his childhood years. It's a really wonderful sequence. Christmas Present surprised me, he's still very jolly and truthful but there is this undercurrent of anger and a strong dislike of Scrooge, it's just something you never see in the adaptations. Christmas Future is genuinely terrifying, again going for a more shroud like appearance with a gangly decrepit hand, but the sounds it manifests are what really made my skin crawl with fear. It really did unnerve me and made my eyes grow in grim anticipation. The film has a great atmosphere like last time, the lighting is amazing, the sets are well made, and it does have that unearthly disquieting mood when it needs to. The 1951 version might objectively be the best, but the 1984 version is my favorite if all down to George C. Scott's unbelievably good performance. He was such a commited and talented actor that brought so much to each part and I just love this Scrooge. 4 stars, check it out! Next time, the Christmas Carol story done right with humor abound.

A Christmas Carol (1951)

Alright, let's do this.

Here we are again, frabjous day callooh callay the Christmas season is here, and it is time to dismay. Which is exactly why I am taking my Christmas break early and there will be hardly any holiday cheer at all. My gift to you. But let us move on to other things. This may be the best version of Charles Dickens' story about a horrible old miser who has no love for Christmas or other people, a man I can respect, who is subjected to a fever dream of ghostly apparitions peer pressuring and coercing him through fear to like the thing that he hates. Truly the feel good movie of the year. And while many actors, some would even say too many actors, have taken on the role of Ebenezer Scrooge I personally feel Alastair Sim is the best of them all. Not only does he look like the Scrooge I see in my mind and not just another well known actor's face, but his performance alone is the reason one should see this movie. It is remarkable how he plays both sides of the coin, from a scowl of pure disgust at holiday cheer to the purest and joyful smile in the world. But what really sold me that he was the very best like no one ever was is the transition between one to the other, I fully believed that he truly did change and become a better person through the spirit's action rather than be terrified into submission of the holiday spirit. It's just little moments of pure body language and no dialogue at all that made you feel that he did regret the things he said and did, and slowly begins realizing his own faults and makes choices to better himself. This film treats Scrooge more like a human being than an archetype that needs to change, that there is both good and bad in his past and present and that it's his decisions that shape the future of those around him. That's pretty amazing, and something I've never truly felt in the countless adaptations I have seen in years gone by. All the actors do very well, and they do take minor liberties with the story, but it creates a much deeper and interesting film. I actually do recommend you watch the film in pristine black and white rather than the colorized version, it paints a sometimes ghastly picture with quite a bit of atmosphere and unease. This is essentially a ghost story and it feels as such, with a prime highlight being when the Ghost Of Christmas Future appears, all you see is a pale hand that just looks icy cold to the touch. No cloak, no shadow, no bodily form, just the hand of perhaps Death itself. It's incredibly effective and while a more basic form of the shadow of Christmas yet to come, is one of my favorites. I originally thought this film was much older, around the 1930s but it came out in the 50s, though I don't know why I thought that. At less than an hour and a half, it is worth your time to see a great performance that might very well change your outlook on this done to death story. Next time we look at the George C. Scott version from 1984!

The Grinch

This is the best comedy marketing ad I have seen in awhile. Not only do they release it 2 days after October but the fact that the poster says, it's never too early to hate the holidays. That is genius.

Thank God this movie did not suck, in fact it was great, and it's the perfect film for a certain holiday I hate. Enjoy that, it's the only rhyme I'm doing. So this film take it's own unique spin to the Dr. Seuss classic, done in spectacular animation with a small but really good cast. If they didn't say who voiced the Grinch you would never know it was Benedict Cumberbatch he does so well and brings his own personal flavor to a timeless character. It follows the book better than you would expect but still with new elements that are sure to impress, with comedy that works and visuals to dazzle all done with Illumination Studios usual style. (Whew, nearly dodged that one.) Does it top the original? Of course by no means, but it tells the story well and for that you should be pleased. The visuals are gorgeous especially the atmospheric shots, to the point where you can literally see the sparkling decoration lights reflected in someone's eyes. That...is incredible! The comedy is great almost to the point I feel I was having the most fun out of everybody in that theater. I've never identified more with the Grinch than in this movie, it's kinda scary how similar we are but what the heck I take that as a compliment. He was able to steal Christmas and that is something to be admired, though all I can do is try not to be tired of this looming Christmas nightmare. But I urge you to see this movie, there's something to love, something to like, all of which will make you smile bright. (Curses!) So that's all the time we have for today but with any luck I'll be back soon to look at another good video game movie.

Hogfather

Ah, what a nice movie. And a very appropriate film for the season.

One of the few adaptations of Terry Pratchett's Discworld series, Hogfather follows the story of the book quite well. Imagine a world as flat as a disc, carried by four elephants, on the back of a giant turtle. And in this world, magic and fantasy are common place with wizards, bogeymen, and gods walk among mortal men. This particular story takes place during the Discworld equivalent of Christmas, where the fat man in red has gone missing forcing Death himself to take up the job. Meanwhile his granddaughter Susan investigates exactly why he disappeared, what follows is an offbeat adventure mixed with comedy, peril, and a very appropriate and extremely thought provoking issue of belief. Now it must be said, it is not necessary to read the book, though it does help. If you choose to give it a shot I ask you to keep a very open mind, and have some serious free time, the movie is split into two 90 minute episodes culminating in 3 hours. 3 hours is nothing to me, but it can be daunting to others so keep it in mind. The characters are outstanding, that's Michelle Dockery of Downton Abbey and Good Behavior fame as Susan, and believe it or not this was the second thing she ever acted in! And she does a great job, as this no nonsense, pure logical woman in a very illogical world, that's just trying to maintain an ordinary life despite the whole, her grandad is The Grim Reaper thing. Oh, and her grandfather is all things wonderful and I absolutely love him. It's difficult to describe his character strangely, he just tries his best to understand humanity because he has a great affinity for them, he may not understand everything but he just tries his best and it is incredibly endearing to me. Granted, this will probably just be my cup of tea. I love the more fantastical, and offbeat things in life so of course this thing is right up my alley but I do hope that you give it a shot! It has that Christmas or Hogswatch spirit depending on your point of view, with a fascinating and surprisingly poignant standing on the power of belief and more importantly, why you should believe in things. Quite possibly the best scene in the entire movie is a merely a conversation between Susan and Death on why human beings need to believe in things. It has such power and truth, and kinda made me get all misty-eyed. In fact that happened at least twice, the movie has just that all encompassing Christmas spirit and atmosphere just with a very odd twist to it all. I was very happy to see it, especially after reading all the Discworld Death novels, and it does improve elements of the book I have to say. With Terry Pratchett's writing, there is wandering about, and checking out other things beyond the main plot and the movie sticks to what's important but it does still wander a bit, but it's not that bad. So I had a lovely time watching this movie, I was invested even though I know how it all ended, and I daresay I would watch this every Christmas. Might be a longshot, maybe nobody will be brave enough to check it out, but honestly I loved talking about it, these books have become favorites of mine so it was nice to finally show the love for it. Regardless, we got one more review for the month (maybe) and I am heavily excited for it. So until then, Happy Hogswatch.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Yet another first. And you know what? Though I have not seen hardly any of the Vacation movies (I do not count Vacation as part of this series cause fffffffffffffff-I do not particularly care for it.) this will be hard to top.

Christmas Vacation almost perfectly encapsulates families visiting for Christmas, it's almost too real despite the ridiculous and outlandish tragedies that befall our main character Clark who really just want a nice, lovely Christmas with his family. Now I've stated it before and I shall state it again, all great comedy stems from misery. And there is some misery in this movie! But it also has actually very touching and nice moments, so it's not just slapstick and crude jokes, it actually has some genuine pleasant moments that aren't just there to remind you "Hey! It's a Christmas movie! Look at the sweet Christmas-y scenes!!". No. It's there to support the story. Clark just wants a Christmas like he had when he was a kid, and the conversation he has with the little girl is legitamately heart warming and sweet. But dude, he puts up with some boalshiet in this movie! Honestly the funniest bits is when he slips, and just starts being an ass to people just right out of nowhere. I was rolling, that cracked me up so much. I have to admit I didn't really expect anything with this movie, I never even really heard all that much about it, so I went in with an open clear mind and what I got was a very good movie. It was funny, surprisingly charming and sweet, and just a fun movie. I do recommend it very much, and am very happy I saw it. So it was a good night, and we got one more unseen Christmas movie. Hopefully I can take it.

Scrooged

Well damn this movie was awesome!

In fact....this is my favorite adaptation of A Christmas Carol. Yep, I said it. Why? Well, here we go. Scrooge is a loose adaptation of Charles Dicken's classic tale, with a new modern spin on it. Bill Murray, more or less plays Bill Murray specifically this outrageous jerk named Frank who is the head of a major broadcasting channel, and he is a diiiick in this movie. Like, to the point where I was laughing but also taken aback by just how unashamedly brutal and mean this guy is. It's like if Scrooge, the Grinch, and Blackadder spawned this evil, yet hilarious person. And I was surprised how great the movie was, cause I read up on it and the production seemed like a total mess, with the script constantly being re-written, Richard Donner and Bill Murray had a very strained relationship on set, and yet through all of that this is still a coherent, funny, and a very decent adaptation of a classic. This movie still has the heart and message of the original, while still doing a fresh take. Sure, we still get all the ghosts but the film has fun with it, and really treks into dark comedy which I love. The ghosts all have unique personalities but by far my absolute favorite is Carol Kane as the Ghost of Christmas Present. Now let me go on record and say, I friggin' love Carol Kane. She is 90 different flavors of crazy and perfect, she's just wonderful and I adore her. Her scenes in this movie had me rolling on the floor laughing! She stole the movie for me, that is how great she was! She was just so odd, and offbeat, yet so funny, and for lack of a better word...adorable. I must meet her and hug her, because Carol is brilliant in my eyes! Another person who I just loved watching is Bobcat Goldthwait in a supporting role, mainly because almost the whole movie I was like, "I know this voice. This is so damn familiar. But why? This guy is funny and his voice is so recognizable!" and then I found out. Ah! Good old Bobcat, funny dude! The music caught my attention too, throughout the movie I was just thinking, this music sounds like unused tracks from Batman Returns. This is very Danny Elfman. Guess what? Music was done by Danny Elfman. About 4 years before Batman Returns. Hey man, if your brain is really onto something, chances are you are totally correct. Scrooge was a treat to say the least, to the point where I want to make it a tradition to watch it every December. There's even a great Groundhog Day reference 5 years before Groundhog Day was even released. Yeah, this movie's a bit weird. But great. You gotta see this movie before Christmas, especially because of the speech at the end. It still rings true after about 30 years, and really makes you feel good inside. 4 stars! Check it out! And come back tomorrow, cause we always got more.

How The Grinch Stole Christmas

Oh how I find such joy in this short, though it's mostly found of a certain Grinchy sort.

Everyone knows the tale, of the town of Whoville and the Grinch who hated holiday cheer. But why is this story so beloved? That we must think, unlike that of a certain remake. It is a tale of finding the true meaning of Christmas, and not just the mirth of material possesions, with wonderful animation, color, and cast that makes this film just as memorable as it was in the past. It knows the point it is trying to make, and does not try to distract, because it is done with actual sophistication and tact! With a story of an eternal grump, a kind of story we know too well, who eventually learns to appreciate the holiday and not think of it as hell. Our Narrarator is Boris Karloff who voiced the Grinch too, and looking back it is so much cooler than anyone else could do. His voice is perfect and deliciously vile, with devilish body movements that are equal in guile, with hate and disgust for all things happy and seriously who could ever want anything so sappy? For Christmas is a nightmare and something I don't wish to exist, though at the very least I can deal with it for my family does insist. Although Charlie Brown told the meaning of Christmas better than most, this short film still has heart and something worthy of note. The songs are memorable and detailed in filth, so gross and disturbing it could curdle milk. It's a classic that no one could ever top, but that didn't stop Hollywood from making a flop. If you want a short film with cynicism and love for Christmas, then I couldn't think of a better candidate. Gather around with your family and give it a watch, who knows maybe even your heart will grow a notch.

Rhyming is hard, I must truly say. It makes me wonder how Dr. Seuss made it through the day. There is only one Grinch for me thank you very much, so you can keep your Jim Carrey movie. I often did watch this movie even when it wasn't Christmas, hell I did that with the Rankin-Bass specials too so I'm happy I could talk about it because it does indeed deserve the love and could do more than a big budget flub. But our job is not done, for tomorrow I will be visited by 3 spirits....

Ernest Saves Christmas

Alright, it's Christmas time again. Bah humbug to you and your ridiculous elfs on shelfs!

But seeing as how it is Christmas time, we should look at holiday movies. It's for you, and certainly not for me. So let's start with a more outlandish movie Ernest Saves Christmas. Starring the late and talented Jim Varney, this particular Ernest movie finds him meeting the big red guy himself, and tries to help find a succesor to the role of Santa Claus. It's a decent flick, with Jim doing fine work and gets to improvise a bit, the story takes a basic Christmas story and expands on it beyond just..."Santa! Let's go deliver presents!" which I do admire, the comedy is good, the setting of Florida gives it a unique setting since it barely gets below 70° down there (very much like Texas), and the replacement for Mr. Clause is genuinely heartwarming. Even though my grinchy grinch heart does not hold Christmas highly, I did actually enjoy this movie. It's a very good family movie and perfect for children around this time of year. I do have to state explicitly how this might be the best on-screen version of Santa, ever. This is the best Santa ever (And no, I have not seen The Santa Clause. Any of them. Withold your stoning and stake burning of me later.). You'll recognize his voice as the Sultan from Aladdin, and he is beyond perfect. You get the sense this is a man who has a deep love and commitment to Christmas, and all aspects of his character are addressed. Kindness and compassion, a great connection to all children, devotion to the season and his job, it's just raw unadulterated joy and happiness and all things good. I believe in Santa Claus. He is real. But....this doesn't change my views on Christmas, not one little bit! That holds a lot of power from an average holiday family film. Hell, the opening is quite frankly one of the most lovely and and dare I say even nostalgic Christmas movie openings ever. All it is, is select images of Santa Claus with carol music. But by God, it is like Christmas in it's most basic form and really would be prime movie watching if you hold a Christmas party, just the overall mood and....I don't know just pure aesthetic is ideal in a situation like that. I haven't seen many Ernest movies, but from what I have heard this is easily the best. But it's all due to this film's Santa. Think about it, how many times have you seen Santa in films, and legitimately loved the potrayal? Like, this is the real deal Santa as he could, would, and should ever be? I can't say that often. But this movie did it. And while my general disdain for Christmas remains.....this movie was really good and got me in the spirit a bit. Oh hush, I'm not enjoying this. Kinda. Um...I hate Christmas! And, to prove my point we won't review another Christmas movie until Saturday! Ha! You won't be finding me in any yuletide cheer or joy this month! Until next time, my plans for stopping Christmas continue...

Tokyo Godfathers

Yes the one Christmas movie almost everyone has never heard or seen but certainly should check out.

Tokyo Godfathers is an amazing movie centered around three homeless people who find a baby and take it upon themselves to find the little girl's rightful parents. What follows is a series of coincidences, near misses, comedy, emotion, and all centered around the most wonderful time of the year. I love this movie, the characters feel just as real as you and me, they all have emotional baggage and their own personalities, which bounce off each other so well. The animation is outstanding, some of it looking like real life Tokyo. I swear it seems like they took photos of Tokyo and then just painted over them, the whole look and feel of the movie is a surreal experience walking a thin line between animation and human reality. This is the sheer epitome of a character story, every action these people take is what moves the story along at a well adjusted pace going from quiet, somber slow moments to fast paced, energy fueled scenes with visual comedy that if you even blinked you would miss it. The events take place from Christmas Day all the way to New Years, so some people ask well why is it a Christmas movie? Although Christmas only takes place on a single day, the feel of Christmas is still there with showings of compassion and charity, kindness, nuturing, and all around sense of family and good will. Our main characters fight and bicker but in the end you know they still care about one another, and really isn't that what families are like around this time of the year? There's not a doubt in my mind that this is a Christmas movie, and an amazing one at that. I originally saw it on Netflix a few years ago, after hearing about it from one of my reviewers, Suede who lives in New Zealand and I knew after hearing his opinion on it I wanted to see it. Sadly it's not on Netflix now but you can buy the DVD for a reasonable price on Amazon, the film is only in Japanese with subtitles, no English dub has been made yet but many voice actors are keen on doing it here in the States. If you don't have a problem with foreign films that you need to read subtitles throughout, I really really recommend you pick up this movie. The funny thing is that Christmas is different in Japan than in the States. Obviously, every place is different in how they celebrate things. But from a western point of view Christmas in Japan is more like Valentine's Day, and Valentine's Day is more like Easter, while the more traditional western way of celebrating Christmas is set on New Year's. Man, that's bizzare but I really dig that. I know if I ever wanted to visit somewhere during winter it would be Japan hands down, it looks gorgeous in the snow! But anyway sorry to get off track, hunt this movie down, watch it, enjoy it, have a splendid Christmas or Chanukah or whatever you celebrate, just make sure to enjoy yourself and have tons of fun together. Happy Christmas from The Dude, see you in 2017!

A Charlie Brown Christmas

Yeah, you knew we had to do this one sooner or later.

Can you believe I've never seen this until just recently? I've heard so much about it, and was really taking it at face value, and I really did enjoy watching it. For a 25 minute short it's a very complete story, with simple yet endearing animation, absolutely lovely music (I'm a sucker for jazz anyday.), very well done voice acting since it was all done by kids, and a central message that somehow means more now than it did back in 1965. Charlie Brown is feeling depressed around Christmas time feeling the spirit of the holiday is lost and only commercialism reigns, Lucy tells him he should help with the Christmas play where Linus tells all the kids exactly what Christmas is about, and then the special just kind of ends on a very pleasant and heartfelt note. Many people have analyzed the special for what it is, and the best example is to me, a simple editorial asking the question, is it overrated? I won't get into much detail of the editorial, but just merely leave a link at the end. I'd tell you to see it, but chances are you most likely will on television, lots of people will. Well now that we've talked about a Christmas special nearly everyone has seen, tomorrow we will look at a movie that nearly everyone has never even heard of, and trust me when I say it is a fantastic Christmas movie!

Is A Charlie Brown Christmas Overrated?-- https://youtu.be/Qtk0DQA6woM

Die Hard

One of my favorite Christmas movies ever!

Die Hard one of the best action movies ever created starring Bruce Willis and the always awesome Alan Rickman. So the plot of Die Hard follows John McClane who is meeting with his divorced wife at a high rise tower for a buisness party before a group of terrorists break in, take hostages, and try to break into the vault in the basement to gain $640 million dollars, so John has to take on all the well armed, well trained terrorists while also battling the city police to prevent the hostages from being killed. It's a great plot, with awesome characters, spectacular action, and good sparing use of comedy. I think people need to see this movie just for Alan Rickman as the ruthless Hans Gruber, he friggin' slays it in this movie. You want a great villain, Alan Rickman was your man and this movie is proof of it. Bruce Willis really came into his own in the action genre after this, but damn guys can you power down the sequel machine? I have not seen one single movie after the first one. Why? Because, 1. This is a damn near impossible movie to top, 2. There are FAR too many sequels, I think we are up to about number 5 by now? Ridiculous. 3. I got maybe, 15 minutes into Die Hard 2 and I tapped out. You can't beat the original. Case closed. But hey, we got this movie so really doesn't matter. Because this is a movie worth your time around the holidays. But you may be saying, "But Dude, this doesn't have anything to do with Santa, Jesus, the Christmas spirit, or spending the holidays with your loved ones." and yes, you are correct. Does it diminish the movie though? Not at all, it has a Christmas feeling to it all even though there is no snow (It takes place in Los Angeles.), there are decorations, Christmas music playing, a few seasonal clothing pieces spread around, the most notable being the machine gun sweater (Which I wouldn't mind owning one day.), it just works. The damn movie ends on the song Let It Snow! What action movie ends on Let It Snow? This one, and I think maybe the second one. Why? I don't know, don't even think it took place at Christmas time. But getting back to the film at hand. I know I'm not alone in the fact that this is a Christmas movie, and quite honestly those types of people are awesome. I can harp on this movie all day, it is just that glorious. And if I'm being truthfully honest, this might be my favorite action movie of all time. It never gets old, I love the dialogue scenes with Alan Rickman, I love the shootouts and the unbelievable stuntwork, I love the comedy sprinkled in, and it has the best use of Ode To Joy ever put to celluloid. Watch it, have fun with it, give it a shot, and see a whole different kind of Christmas movie.

Arthur Christmas

Now we start December proper.

The growing Christmas cult film that I have heard so much about and have finally watched. How was it? Pretty darn good. Arthur Christmas is a wonderful animated film done by the same folks who gave us Hotel Transylvania, follows the family of Claus as they soon discover after another flawless night of delivering presents that a child has been missed. This springs letter counter Arthur to travel across the globe to deliver the final present with the help of his grandad. Where do I start? So much to talk about. First off, the animation is great, it is fast paced, fluid, and works beautifully with the film. Sony Pictures Animation knows how to make animated movies so well! Second, I just love the idea behind it all, that there has been generation after generation of Claus delivering presents to all the children from Saint Nicholas onward, and we get three generations of Santa's. We have Grandsanta voiced by Bill Nighy as the more traditional and old fashioned Santa of them all, red suit and hat, sleigh and reindeer, the thing you think of first when it comes to Santa Claus. Then we have the current Santa voiced by Jim Broadbent, in charge who is one of the best Santa potrayals ever done in film, he is sweet, loves his job, but sadly has memory problems which is forcing him to retire, and that is truly sad because you see how much this job means to him, he tries his hardest to do good. And lastly, we have the current generation, Steve and Arthur, Steve voiced by the outstanding Hugh Laurie is more technology orientated, and militarized catapulting the elf's into becoming more like special force operatives than the elf's who just make toys. While Arthur voiced by James McAvoy, is a bit of a clutz but you can see in his eyes that Christmas is life, he answers all the children's letters to Santa, has nothing but a heart of gold, and is willing to do anything to make sure children have a perfect Christmas. This creates dynamics that mix and collide in the movie, that make it that more great. And I have to commend the fact that there is no bad guy in this movie, true you may not fully agree with people's perception of how Christmas should be done, but there is no wrong way to do it. They all state how Christmas should be done, and you can see it either way. Whether it's delivering presents in a sleigh led by reindeer, down a chimney and placed under a tree, or by a spaceship with elf's covertly placing every present in the world. I just love this movie for that kind of premise alone, not even counting the humor, the characters, and the love of Christmas present. This is a Christmas classic in my eyes, right up there with It's A Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story. If you want a truly different yet familiar Christmas movie, you couldn't choose a better one than this. It's a lot of fun, and might make you look at the big guy in the red suit a little bit different.