The Lords Of Salem

Uh, wow okay.




Would not fully recommend this movie to individuals who are hardcore believers in the Judeo-Christian religions, like this movie gets deep into some occult shit and it sure as hellfire does not hold back. So our story follows a radio station host Heidi who is gifted a mysterious unknown record by a group called the Lords Of Salem, and pretty damn soon after that it tailspins into a visually rich, disturbing, and plain what the f*** kind of movie as she is haunted by ghosts and demons. Speaking as someone who is not religious by any stretch, this movie still unnerved me because it starts off pretty simply, you get your spooky figures in rooms, a few nightmares, there's this apartment you shouldn't go into and then it clobbers you with freaky imagery, blood soaked effects, effectively unearthly hellish creatures, and LOTS of nudity. I'm genuinely shocked this got an R rating, you get so many full frontal shots, and not just of lady women, I was seriously wondering if this got an NC-17 but I suppose this is the most hardcore R movie I've ever seen. It takes a tiny dash of Rosemary's Baby with Heidi apparently being targeted to become the anti-virgin Mary and birthing the Antichrist, this movie could not give a shit less about your feelings and morals, and showcases the...less earth loving and spiritual Wiccans and goes straight for the jugular of Satan worshipping foul witches. Which is very true of every religion, there will always be extremes on either sides of the spectrum, you will have hateful and shrieking nuts of Christianity but also very lovely and respectful Christians too. Same for Satanism, people view it as a liberating force of the self and a critique of how the church operates on many levels, but also there are people who cannonball into the pool of demon worship, black arts, and bile fused rage against religious symbols. This film deals with the latter, which sucks because I quite like our main characters. This is gonna sound a bit weird but Heidi who is played by Sheri Moon Zombie, legit looks like Jamie Lee Curtis but the weird part is she looks like a mix of Jamie and Laurie from Rob Zombie's Halloween series. But in all seriousness, her performance is good, she doesn't have to say much and indeed some people could view it as a more subdued performance, but I found she handled just the mindf*** of the situation and troubled emotions super well. She's just a likeable girl and of course you don't want bad things to happen to her but they do and thus is the tragedy. Jeff Daniel Phillips is more a background character, the film undoubtedly focuses primarily on Sheri, but the friendship is felt between the two and I really appreciated that emotional scene when they talk to each other on the phone, I can't explain it but that really struck me and I was just like, damn that was a good emotional scene! Great to see Judy Geeson again, she fit wonderfully into this movie and has that presence about her which makes her acting all the more effective. Bruce Davison, I was rooting for that guy, as a writer investigating the occurences and has some experience with historical witches, a very affable character to have in a veryyy gloom and doom movie. Shoutout of course to my man Ken Foree, I love you my man. Shame we couldn't have him punching witches and saying motherf***er but the day will never come when I'm not happy to see him in a movie no matter the size of the role. Production wise it's very solid, actually being shot in Salem Massachusetts and it does look pretty grand with that familiar exquisite fall atmosphere. It gets artsy, it flat out has imagery of Georges Melies' A Trip To The Moon, it features Requiem not once but twice, and the shocking imagery is a combo of hits near the end. My snob side is satisfied and reeling from the horror. I don't think this scenery is going to crawl out from under my skin for a few days, it's wedged in deep man. Wild ass movie, effectively creepy and disturbing, I give it 3 stars, 7/10. And we get more witches for the week, I'm pretty sure it's no secret at this point as to what comes next but why spoil a surprise for someone? By the pricking of my thumb, something wicked this way comes.