Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Early Man

Dang Aardman, I hate to say this about you but you made such a forgettable movie.

Early Man had my attention, I really love the Wallace & Gromit shorts Aardman Studios did so when I saw they got a new movie coming out, I was happy to see them again. But...they made it a sports movie. Ugh. Why?? If you want to make a boring, forgettable, and all around useless movie you make a sports movie. If you have seen one sports movie you have seen them all. You ready for this plot? It's gonna blow your mind. So our story begins in the Paleozoic Era, where a tribe of cavemen are living their avergae everyday life until they are invaded from bronze clad warlords that push them out of their home into the desolate wasteland. A young man named Dug is whisked away to their kingdom where he discovers an odd game they play, football (or to you Americans out there, soccer) and he makes a deal with the leader of the warlords saying if he wins the game of football against his best team, his tribe returns to their land and if they lose, do you even care at this point? So begins every underdog sports movie ever made. Now granted I did not see this coming. Everything from the poster, to the plot synopsis, to the friggin' trailer treated this movie as another oddball adventure from the people who brought you Wallace & Gromit, with the same british humor, well done claymation style, and just a sense of fun in this movie. But no. Boring ass sports movie with dashes of funny british humor. Characters are very simple, I do love the fact they got Tom Hiddleston to play the villain as this snobbish french guy, and Eddie Redmayne is still a likeable, kind, and good hearted protagonist but everyone else falls flat. I really cannot for the life of me recommend this movie. Hell, I feel like I need to go back and watch their other movies, because they have made some decent stuff guys I swear. Do not let this movie ruin your view of a very good production company. Early Man can be skipped and you will not miss a thing. I am never reviewing another sports movie until either Cool Runnings hits my list, or Creed II comes out. Sports movies are boring. They don't contribute anything, I'm not saying the lives of people who play sports are worthless, or the stories of famous sports affiliated people can't make compelling cinema, but how in the holy name of the sultan of swat can you make sports movies when there is nothing there to make it interesting? And don't start that whole, "Well you loved The Sandlot so shut your face nerd!" because The Sandlot is not a sports movie. That is probably why I like it so much because it is not a sports movie, it is a summer movie. Go back and watch it, then watch all the Rocky movies, and you have seen the best and only sports movies you have ever seen. Tune in tomorrow for another Aardman movie, and hopefully I like it better than this one. It has pirates in it! Wait...my track record with pirates sucks. Fu-

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