Thor: Ragnarok

Best of the Thor trilogy? Yeah.

It's easy to get swept up in the spectacle that is Thor Ragnarok, it almost gives Guardians Of The Galaxy a run for it's money in terms of color, visuals, and scale. It's been kind of a rough patch for Thor in this one, Natalie Portman gets booted offscreen permanently, Odin passes on into the Force and his ridiculously gorgeous daughter breaks Thor's mighty hammer, and Asgard is on the brink of total destruction. And the Hulk proves why he is the strongest Avenger. The Thor movies have definitely went on an upward spiral, with the first being average at best, the second one being quite good, and the third being really dang good which is nice to see. It has a great mix of being pure entertainment and actually telling a story. Hela is a very good villain, which I mainly attribute to Cate Blanchett because she is amazing in this role, I've never been more terrified and yet attracted to someone in my life. She hits that spot where Ultron should have been, a force to be reckoned with, the humor I felt actually kind of works for her when it occassionally pops up, and the threat she poses makes for an interesting story since she is Thor's sister. It's such a nice experience to see villains I actually care about and genuinely intrigue me and keep me invested. Why did it take so long? Chris Hemsworth while not at his best still delivers a very fun, very good performance and the same goes for Tom Hiddleston as well, and the chemistry still stands strong between them. We finally get Hulk back, fully talking and all, we were on the verge of greatness we were this close to a Hulk movie. Still fully proves why Hulk is the best hands down. And though I harbor zero ill will or contempt for Tessa Thompson, I hate this character. I hate this character with the passionate fury of a million red giants, you know what character I despise in movies? The smarmy, cockshore, arrogant f***stick who thinks they're hot shit when really they need to be crushed under the boot of the villain in 2 seconds flat. Enter Valkyrie. I'm not going further, because I don't want to break anything. The last thing I'm saying on that matter is if I don't see her turn into a pile of ash in two movies time, there will be severe hell to pay. Really beyond her, I very much enjoyed the movie. I liked the whole arena planet ruled by Jeff uh Goldblum, he was a lot of fun. Of course more Hulk is always a good thing, and once again Mark Ruffalo deserves his own movie, make it happen you monopolistic corporation. I simultaneously appreciate just how balls to the wall the visuals and action and tone are, yet also wish there were more character moments and time to let events sink in. Nevertheless I did like what they did with Thor in this movie. The soundtrack is very synthesizer which you think I would unashamedly love, but none of the tracks really hit me too strong. It certainly fits that comic book movie fluff category, but even then it's not bad. It tries to tightrope between fun adventure and serious story and kinda succeeds, but it works in it's own little way. 3 stars, 7/10, I doubt I would buy it but I wouldn't mind watching it on cable when the time comes. We're returning to Wakanda tomorrow, and the end is almost near.

Thor: The Dark World

First instance of the term Infinity Stone? I believe so.

Yeah I actually didn't mind the second Thor movie, in fact I liked it better than the first. So 2 years have passed since we last saw Jane and Thor cross paths, but unfortunately under dire circumstances. An ancient race known as Dark Elves have reawakened seeking to shroud the universe itself in eternal darkness, with Earth being the focus point to unleash a powerful weapon. I think what places this above others in the hierarchy is the fact that the stakes are upped, several events take place that pushes Thor and even Loki to their limits in an impossible situation. Asgard is invaded, people die, the universe is at stake, and the bond between brothers is pushed to a breaking point. I love, love, love the dynamic between Thor and Loki mainly because it's a story of redemption, Thor truly loves his brother and wants nothing more than to trust him while Loki still surrounds himself in chaos and deceit, and the conversations and scenes they have are some of the best in all these movies. I'll even dare say Tom Hiddleston has been the best part of the Marvel movies so far, period. Just look at the scene when he's in his cell after the attack, not a word is spoken, not a tear is shed but my God do you feel that. We get to see more of Asgard and the other realms, which is always super nice to delve deeper into what these places are like. Fffffricking Christopher Eccleston is the villain, and what a heel turn to see the man who tried everything in his power to save the universe in one role to trying everything to destroy the universe in another, and he brings that same energy, that you do not want to get on this guys bad side persona, and while it breaks my heart we couldn't have him in the Doctor Who 50th anniversary because he was filming this, I could never hold ill will towards this man. It's kind of fun to see Natalie Portman and friends again, along with our kick ass rag tag team of Asgardians (Sif you are my moon and stars in these Thor movies.). We need more Idris Elba though, that guy is amazing and I love his sentinel persona and honorable character. The movie threw me for a loop or two I can tell you that, which helped push my engaged watching to a 10, some were kind of telegraphed but others I just was not expecting at all. I liked the villain for a change, and not just because of Christopher Eccleston's performance, but the designs of these elves and their weird Court Of Owls masks, it kind of gave me Tolkien vibes with these creatures being the first force in the universe before there was even light, actually yeah it is a sort of perverse, mirror universe equivalent of Tolkien's Silmarillion, in a way. So far this is top 5 for me, 3 stars, 7/10, good movie! And the sequels keep on coming as we join Cap tomorrow in The Winter Soldier.

Thor

Strike two!

Okay, it was slightly better but not by all that much. Thor is a passable movie, it sets up the lore and characters we'll see time and again no doubt in future films, but there were things that irked me. Positives first, Chris Hemsworth can act when necessary I mean he has that bravado and strong prescence but when Loki lies about his father's death Chris actually does really good work. I love the aesthetic and design of Asgard, though it reminded me a bit of Gallifrey. I think Sif was the most interesting and cool character but she didn't have much to do. And I have to say Tom Hiddleston delivers a strong first outing and I'm genuinely curious to see how he evolves through the series. But that's about it. Now the story is sort of middle ground not much good and not much bad, with Thor disregarding his father Odin's wishes and starts up a real shit storm with the Game Of Thrones looking Frost Giants, that gets him banished from Asgard and stripped of his powers. What then follows is a lot of meandering on Earth as apparently Thor's strongheaded, vain, and totally egotistical persona gets mellowed out in 2 days by hanging out and making eggs with Natalie Portman, with little interesting character motivations or history from any main players during this time on Earth while Loki crafts and decieves his way to the throne of Asgard which is a way more interesting and entertaining story. I'm sorry, but I am so not a fan of fish out of water stories, and the movie doesn't even clock in 2 hours with credits but it feels a touch padded. The action is serviceable, the humor didn't do much for me, and the characters were more miss than hit. Now do I like the mythology of the nine realms and how everything is connected? Yes, but this movie didn't come up with it you know. I'm a bit rusty on my Norse mythology but I appreciated the terms and references in dialogue that I caught. This director though, ugh this director is ass. If I had a damn dollar every single time this movie had a dutch angle in it, I would have enough money to live on for the rest of the year! I felt like I was right back in Battlefield Earth, not a good f***ing move, but please continue to take notes from it. In fact I feel I should quote a much better film critic because it feels so appropriate, "The director has learned from better films that directors sometimes tilt their cameras, but he has not learned why.". It was so goddamn aggravating! Put the f***ing camera on a flat level plane, it does not give your movie substance, it does not give your movie style, you look like an utter twat! 2 stars, 5.5/10, if I think Reb Brown is a better Captain America than Chris Evans I am done with these movies.

Early Man

Dang Aardman, I hate to say this about you but you made such a forgettable movie.

Early Man had my attention, I really love the Wallace & Gromit shorts Aardman Studios did so when I saw they got a new movie coming out, I was happy to see them again. But...they made it a sports movie. Ugh. Why?? If you want to make a boring, forgettable, and all around useless movie you make a sports movie. If you have seen one sports movie you have seen them all. You ready for this plot? It's gonna blow your mind. So our story begins in the Paleozoic Era, where a tribe of cavemen are living their avergae everyday life until they are invaded from bronze clad warlords that push them out of their home into the desolate wasteland. A young man named Dug is whisked away to their kingdom where he discovers an odd game they play, football (or to you Americans out there, soccer) and he makes a deal with the leader of the warlords saying if he wins the game of football against his best team, his tribe returns to their land and if they lose, do you even care at this point? So begins every underdog sports movie ever made. Now granted I did not see this coming. Everything from the poster, to the plot synopsis, to the friggin' trailer treated this movie as another oddball adventure from the people who brought you Wallace & Gromit, with the same british humor, well done claymation style, and just a sense of fun in this movie. But no. Boring ass sports movie with dashes of funny british humor. Characters are very simple, I do love the fact they got Tom Hiddleston to play the villain as this snobbish french guy, and Eddie Redmayne is still a likeable, kind, and good hearted protagonist but everyone else falls flat. I really cannot for the life of me recommend this movie. Hell, I feel like I need to go back and watch their other movies, because they have made some decent stuff guys I swear. Do not let this movie ruin your view of a very good production company. Early Man can be skipped and you will not miss a thing. I am never reviewing another sports movie until either Cool Runnings hits my list, or Creed II comes out. Sports movies are boring. They don't contribute anything, I'm not saying the lives of people who play sports are worthless, or the stories of famous sports affiliated people can't make compelling cinema, but how in the holy name of the sultan of swat can you make sports movies when there is nothing there to make it interesting? And don't start that whole, "Well you loved The Sandlot so shut your face nerd!" because The Sandlot is not a sports movie. That is probably why I like it so much because it is not a sports movie, it is a summer movie. Go back and watch it, then watch all the Rocky movies, and you have seen the best and only sports movies you have ever seen. Tune in tomorrow for another Aardman movie, and hopefully I like it better than this one. It has pirates in it! Wait...my track record with pirates sucks. Fu-

In Retrospect: Kong Skull Island

Is it 2020 yet?

It's a great time to be alive. I mean, in 2 weeks Shin Godzilla hits video here in the
states, next year Legendary's Godzilla gets a sequel, and in 2020 a rematch of King Kong Vs. Godzilla. But hey, this retrospect is about Kong so let's talk about his movie. Again. It's still awesome! I still love it. Kong is an amazing creature, done with great special effects, and really acts like an ape. Albeit a very big ape, but you know. In fact all the creatures are cool, though I severely doubt the Skullcrawlers will make a comeback. Looking back, I love all the cast but my God Brie Larson. I have no idea what to say about her, beyond yeah she's good but I just get this weird feeling from her. Nothing bad, just I find it very fascinating how she acts in this movie. She's a smartass, but compassionate. Tom Hiddleston is a great lead, certainly the most sensible person in the group. Samuel Jackson is an asshole, but really don't we love him like that? So the main leads are great, most of the supporting cast are great, although the military are entirely expendable in this movie. And one thing I failed to mention, my God this movie loves it's jumpscares and lens flares. Have I made a rhyme? Anyway, still a decent movie, after credits scene is the best scene, Kong is awesome and so is his new movie. Go buy it.

Kong: Skull Island

Holy shrimp!!!!

Yes! Yes!! A thousand times yes! This film kicked ass! Kong is back and his movie is great. Several of my predictions came true. The movie takes place in 1973 (Awesome!) with a research team headed by John Goodman to Skull Island to prove that monsters exist. He is backed by military personel immediately after the Vietnam War ended, and with the help of a tracker played by Tom Hiddleston they head to the island. What follows is a rush of monster brawls, interesting mythos, good acting, great action, and sets up a whole world of classic giant monsters. Several lines specifically put this in the world of the 2014 Godzilla movie, with the Monarch branch, sadly no Dr. Serizawa but you get the gist of it, and oh boy the ending. I knew damn well there was going to be an after credit sequence, and I have never been more hyped in my life. I would almost say to see the movie just for the after credit scene, if you're not a big fan of Kong still see it for the after credits scene. It is that spectacular. The special effects were awesome, it hardly took anytime for Kong to start kicking some serious ass around here and it was highly entertaining. Now me being the monster fan I am you know I am going to say go see this movie. So go see this movie. Now.