A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night

I'm...intrigued by this movie.

While looking up vampire movies for this week the combination of words including "skateboarding" and "vampire who targets bad men" was allllll I needed to hear to watch this film. And upon very brief research it only caught my curiosity more, it's an iranian director with persian speaking actors but it was produced entirely here in the States which is a feat so rare in movies to my knowledge cause you just don't hear of such a thing, then you have the mixing of vampire cinema and of all things western influences so I just had to know what this was about. Shot in pristine black & white this 2014 film follows a young working man come into contact with a strange silent woman who has a penchant for prowling the streets at night, and forms a fairly ambiguous relationship as bodies keep dropping. It's an undoubtedly small scale story for a small scale film funded by patrons on Indiegogo, with an almost silent film aesthetic at times no doubt enhanced by the grim photography. Yet even so they knew damn well how to shoot black and white footage, with excellent lighting throughout, ample atmosphere in day and night scenes, some may call it artsy at points but that never makes a movie lose points in my book. The western influence can be felt in certain shots and in one partucular instance for the score it's heavy on the Morricone style, which actually was pretty damn cool. Hell the score was surprisingly up my alley with a lot of moody dance music, some spaghetti western epic moments, and a truly effective atmopsheric droning that accentuated the horror. It's not psyche distorting or scream inducing horror but I won't lie to you for a single second, seeing this girl stalk the night in her hooded cloak terrified me enough! The look reminds me a lot of Countess Marya Zaleska but it has this wraith like figure to it as well that unnerved me in all the right ways. Massive props to Sheila Vand as our skateboarding bloodsucker who really does not have all that much dialogue but weaves an interesting character in barely 100 minutes, she can do terrifying or passive or even longing at periods that make this worthy of watching. Arash Marandi does a very good job as well almost seeming like a character from another type of movie before he crosses paths with this woman, and I found it fascinating how you never really knew what their relationship was. Are they friends? Are they romantically inclined? Could he be a midnight snack before the credits start rolling? You can't tell but I really really like that! The movie is a mood for sure and is far from your typical vampire fare, it wouldn't surprise me for a second to know if this has garnered a dedicated small cult fanbase over the last 12 years since it came out. And I'll tell you this, if a movie gets me to say "How is all this going to end?" it not only has my attention but has me invested. I give it 3.5 stars, 8/10, and with some luck we'll have a slightly late new release to look at before the best day of the year knocks on our door.

Queen Of The Damned

I've been bamboozled!

I mean not really, but also kinda sorta. I watched this for our lady vampire week, now did I know exactly what to expect from Aaliyah in this movie? No. Did I expect at least the majority of the focus to be on her? Yes. So you can see where I'm coming from. But on deeper research and finding out not only was this a film adaptation of 2 Anne Rice novels but also the very depressing young death of Aaliyah right after principal photography, so the filmmakers had to use what they got it made more sense. And to be fair the movie isn't horrible by a long shot, it's one of the most early ass 2000s movies I've seen in my life and I love it for that, and while it has some muddy elements I'm still happy I saw it. We start with a kinda semi-sequel to Interview With The Vampire as we follow Lestat who is awoken after a century of slumber by the sounds of nu metal (yes I'm for real), as we jump back and forth seeing his vampiric origin and current position as a lead singer, who garners the attention of a young researcher named Jesse and the reawakening of one of the oldest vampires in history Akasha. It's a bit of a loose plot I have to admit, character motivations are not always clear, it's more a mood movie. I can see this so very clearly in my mind's eye, that somebody was renting this from Blockbuster back then, playing Vampire The Masquerade, they got CDs from like Korn and The Cure or some shit, and going to Hot Topic when it still was kind of a slightly intimidating place to shop, and man that's fucking cool. They had it so goddamn good back in the day it's like not even real! And yeah seeing the fashion trends, the hairstyles, MTV News, Tower Record stores, hearing this industrial rock soundtrack, it's such a time capsule of 2002 and it's a trip! Cast wise it's an interesting mix. Unreal to think we nearly had Stuart Townsend as Aragorn son of Arathorn before they dropped him and he hopped onto this film, and his performance is pure prideful rebellion which from what I've seen of this character I think it fits. Aaliyah who despite showing up roughly 50 minutes into a hour and forty minute movie has a hell of an introduction, she has such a grand mix of presence, danger, and seduction, it really does break my heart she never got to see the reaction and legacy of this character. She really brought her all to this! Marguerite Moreau as this secret society member who keeps getting more imbedded in the vampire world, I didn't really know what the end game was for her character and the romance was ehhhhh, still better than Edward and Bella but not by much, decent performance though. I was blown away seeing Paul McGann in this as one of the senior members of this vampire monitoring society, very small part but I so don't even care cause I love that man and it made me so happy! Production wise it's fairly solid, quite nice sets, good bit of location shooting, the effects for the vampires range from slightly absurd to subtly effective but I can roll with it either way given the time period. It's probably not objectively a very good movie but I can also see the appeal it had and this without a doubt has a cult following, so it's not a sure fire recommendation like most of the time but if you have an ounce of nostalgia for the turn of the millenia and proved to your parents it never was truly a phase I say watch it once. 2.5 stars, 6/10, and we get foreign-y again before the end!

The Vampire Lovers

It really wouldn't be the Halloween season around here without watching one Hammer film.

This more came about because I just read Carmilla, the vampire book before Dracula and this is actually a pretty damn good adaptation of that story all things considered and it's been a good few years since last I saw it. The story is kind of a mix of perspectives revolving around a young woman named Mircalla who houses with two aristocratic families when illness and death starts looming around the land, and oh wouldn't you know it mysterious blood stained marks start appearing near necks. They clearly read the source material and crafted the movie around it, this was a joint production between Hammer and AIP of Roger Corman fame, and was made during the Hammer horror's last leg in the 70s where they definitely were upping the violence and the sex. Moreso the sex here with a lot more than just ample cleavage on display and at least an undercurrent of lesbianism, though personally I feel both in the book and the film it's not really that deep and hey man you don't form romantic attachments to your food. But the violence still packs a punch with decapitations, throats ripped out, and that classic red blood we love so much. Ingrid Pitt is our star and I find her performance so interesting in this, cause she can play this cunniving seductress but there's flashes of this almost regret and dismay at her vampiric nature that you really never see in these types of movies. I know, she's absurdly beautiful and that's typically what people remark on but I feel she did very well with this material and did capture the spirit of the Carmilla from the book, and even I'll admit the voice...it does a lot for me more than I dare to admit. Moving swiftly on to our dear Peter, huzzah! Now this took me for a loop when I first watched this cause I fully believed Peter would be playing a somewhat close approximation of Van Helsing who slowly but surely pieces the puzzle together and starts sharpening those stakes, but he's more of a minor character after a certain point as a general who loses his niece to the bosom biting beast but gets his glory kill near the end, and there will never be a day where I don't take such happiness and enjoyment from his performances. Pippa Steele and Madeline Smith play our young flowering victims Laura and Emma respectively, and once again was thrown for a loop cause I thought Pippa would be our main girl throughout but they pull a Hitchcock on us and Madeline is the next mortal doomed to die, and nothing but credit where credit is due. They really do just breathe light and innocence and both have very good chemistry with Ingrid where they do toe this line of friends but maybe edging towards something more, and as always I have nothing but the utmost respect for them doing nude scenes. I couldn't do it, and from the tales I heard both the director and Ingrid were very polite and accomodating to ease their co-stars apprehension which is nice to hear. Also I just have to shoutout Kate O'Mara, my love my beautiful queen it may have been a small part but I loved every last second of it. Production wise it is exactly what you would expect from Hammer, period costuming, bleak towns, castles, fog filled graveyards, dense forests, proving even in an age where they had to up the ante to compete with other modern horror films of the time they never forgot their gothic roots. Nice camera placements and interesting shots from time to time, subtle but effective makeup, good use of color throughout, it's another rock solid film in their catalogue. I have no doubt it has it's fans even if it's not often spoken in the same breath as The Mummy, Dracula Has Risen From The Grave, or Curse Of Frankenstein but if you're any fan of Hammer or just horror films of the very late 60s or early 70s I think you'll dig it! I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10, and we're jumping ahead to the new millenium next time.

Clayface

I may be jumping the gun but this is my favorite DC film since The Batman.

Now the track record has been pretty solid for the new DC films, The Batman was amazing, Superman was great, Supergirl was quite good, and now we have Clayface which gave me just about everything that I wanted and then some. Obviously I'm familiar with the character of Matt Hagan and the backstory of a I feel underrated villain in the rogue's gallery, so I just wanted to see what they do with this material and I can safely say I'm not disappointed. Following rising star Matt Hagan who after having a run in with mobsters is left horribly disfigured and seeks a mostly untested medical serum, as we see the highs and lows of his life as he seeks not only revenge but love. I'm kinda stunned how well the story plays out, it's not quite two hours long but doesn't waste a single solitary second of drama or character. Tom really is the star that holds this movie up, it's an entirely different performance than what most people would expect out of a comic book movie as we see such a volley of emotions before and after the fairly horrific event that sends him on this journey. From being so charismatic and funny even when scarred to shit, to seeing his depression overtake his life, to feeling this righteous indignation really take form, and at the end of it all Clayface is still a tragic character. Naomi Ackie what a joy it was to see her again, as the brilliant scientist Caitlyn who works with Matt through his reconstruction and they have pretty solid chemistry throughout and morphs into this will they/won't they relationship, again submitting a performance that works so well with the script. In terms of production you know I have to give credit where credit is due, cause there were points where I genuinely couldn't tell if a certain effect was practical, CG, or a combo of both. They do a really damn good job with the effects which actually was effectively disturbing and even at one point horrifying, so brava to the special effects team! And man let me tell you when the ball really starts rolling and bodies start dropping it's simply amazing, we almost have a dance number that is a prelude to a creative and wild climax that I don't know if words could ever do it justice. You gotta watch it. But the movie never forgets the drama or the characters to turn into a monster movie, and I know that's why it sits so highly for me because they put effort into the dialogue and characterization to where you do care. That makes worlds of difference when you're invested instead of just lassively watching. It got several strong reactions out of me and I can't wait to add this to the DVD shelf, even if you don't know jack shit about the character or maybe even feel that comic book movies aren't your bag, give it a shot. I personally give it 4 stars, 8.5/10, and it breaks my heart to say we only have one more week to go so join me next time for an ode to the creatures of the night.

The Substance

Yyyyep, I was right!

Full blown body horror that would make Cronenberg blush, it's funny how much I have heard about this movie and yet knew precisely dick going in. So all this was fresh to my eyeballs and kept my brain constantly turning from just about minute one to end credits. The story is as essential as a mature television star is kicked to the curb for the audacity of turning 50 and is recommended a beauty serum to give her a lot more than a facelift, as horrible fucking decisions are made and personalities clash. This actually bugs the shit out of me because I want to tell you everything and like dig into every facet of the movie but I just can't! So I'm stepping through a minefield that's a country mile long but at the end of the day, just see it. The messages are not even attempting subtext it's more like overt text, how the entertainment industry chews and spits out women with less than zero respect, the obsession with youth which I'm sure has no gross meaning behind it, how ambition can lead to absolute ruin, even posing the question of would your younger self even like your older self. It's very sharply written and just as sharply shot, you can tell this came out about two years ago with how slick the editing is and the overall shot composition, I mean shit color choice alone could be analyzed to death they really put some genuine thought and effort into making this movie. Demi Moore is one half of our star and while the performance is not only dedicated but strong, the character just drove me up the wall and it wasn't even really because it was a bad character! Just piss poor decision making and an apparent lack of aging gracefully, it leads to a spectacular series of events but I'll continue being accepting of my various gray hairs in my own life. Margaret Qualley is our other half as (not a boy) named Sue and man is it truly a case of night and day between these two, I really couldn't decipher what the end game was for this character but the inclusion made me very invested. Of course mad respect for showing so much skin between both our stars, I mean geez you have to be ultra comfortable in your body to do half this stuff and I couldn't dream of doing it so they got my admiration. Although I'm pretty sure if you took a shot for every ass shot you'd need your stomach pumped by the halfway point. The body horror aspect itself is wild to behold as you can imagine, though I'm slightly concerned because the incessant sharp pointy objects delving into flesh grossed me out faaaaar more than even the most extreme of transformations. Thunderous applause for not only the practical effects and makeup, but the performances that can shine through them cause that is no easy task in and of itself, so I was just starstruck at the imagination and technical know how to achieve such disturbing imagery. For a movie over two hours it doesn't need to rush and lets you soak up the dilemma and emotions of these characters throughout, it's well worth your time if you don't get queasy easily. A great example of the horror genre that I'm sure many love for various reasons, I certainly walked away happy but not for the typical reasons you would think. I give it 3.5 stars, 8/10, and maybe the nasty trend will continue with our new movie so stick around.

Weapons

I would just like to start by saying, what the fuck.

Easily one of the most entertaining horror movies I have seen in a good minute, I kinda already figured the quote unquote twist of the film by the title card but it still was such an engaging trip. I think pretty much everyone whether you watched the trailer or not went into this blind as a bat, where all you knew was a group of children mysteriously ran out of their homes at 2:17 AM and were never seen again, and the film follows the investigation through a series of vignettes centered on a character. Now the neat thing that I noticed by about the fourth or fifth vignette is almost every one of them could be a standalone horror movie, despite the fact that they overlap and interconnect. We mainly follow two characters throughout, Justine the teacher of the missing kids who seeks out answers on her own in the dumbest fashion I have seen since the Nic Cage Wicker Man, and Archer a parent of one of the missing kids who simultaneously has his own investigation yet also kickstarts this witch hunt towards Justine. We get pretty familiar with this town, it's inhabitants, all the strings attached between each character major or minor in almost Twin Peaks style, and the mostly unknown threat that inhabits the town. Like what a mystery to start off with but it only gets better from there! I had a wild time sitting down to watch this and boy do I feel like an ass not seeing it in theaters. Production wise it's all kinds of nifty with it's editing and camera movements, solid suburban atmosphere, nice music, not as much in your face scares as you might expect from a modern horror film but it has enough in terms of the suspense, mood, and pure ideas that get under your skin. What I never would have expected is this movie is perhaps intentionally perhaps unintentionally fucking hilarious, like I'm serious man I was laughing boisterously and frequently at certain points. You can tell the director had a sense of humor and wasn't afraid to use it. In terms of casting, pretty damn solid across the board. Julia Garner who I first saw in the newest Wolf Man movie shines very brightly still, like this poor girl cannot catch a break in these horror movies they just put her through the wringer in this, as her life just gets flipped upside down and she's trying her damndest just to make it out alive. Josh Brolin has that distraught parent down perfectly and his investigations kept me very interested, I believe this is the only horror movie I've seen him in but he did a very good job. Amy Madigan, what the fuck woman? Okay first of all fantastic performance! Second, my goddamn jaw dropped to the floor knowing she was Kevin Costner's wife in Field Of Dreams, that very lovely red haired lady plays a very different kind of redhead here. Third, if I'm being embarassingly honest...hear me out. In the words of George Lucas, I may have gone too far in a few places. Moving swiftly on! I very much enjoyed it, the ending was simulatenously awe inspiring and yet sudden, the style was sharp, the acting was pretty good all around, and while I may not watch it again anytime soon I'll be damned if I said I wasn't happy to see it. So 3.5 stars from me, 8/10, and next time I think we're landing squarely on body horror lane so stick around if your guts can handle it!

Street Fighter (2026)

I think I'm still a fan of the 90s movie more.

Now that isn't a slam against the new one, honestly I thought it was decent and seeing the trailers did indeed tell me exactly what kind of movie it was going to be. It's stylistically out there, sticking very close to the games in terms of design and abilities of each fighter, with tons of visual flair and tight editing accentuating every hit. I know for a fact it is not gonna be everyone's cup of tea even if you're a fan of the video game series, but considering I'm about as casual a fan as you can find it didn't bother me. Despite it's 2026 production it truly does feel like a 90s movie in both good and ill attributes, as M. Bison introduces a new championship tournament calling several fighters from around the world to compete including Ryu and Ken who have history and a fair bit of a rivalry going on, undercover agent Chun-Li with a vendetta against the tyrant, and an assortment of other classic fighters from the games like Guile, Dhalsim, Zangief, and Balrog but admittedly they are far more bit parts barely one step above a cameo. Now on one hand I like how they just focus on a small tight knit group of characters for the plot, but I can also totally understand why some fans would feel like their favorite got chump changed. Now I will say the performances are a trip and kept it interesting even if the script isn't exactly grand, in particular Callina Liang who is the definition of go hard or go home here, and the character and arc they gave to Noah Centineo as Ken who's this celebrity fighter with a chip on his shoulder has decent drama, and of course David as Bison who is perplexingly entertaining as this true sadist power mongering maniac who I feel is an appropriate succesor to Raul Julia. The action as stated above is very hyper kinetic, it focuses far more on the edit of the punches and kicks than the choreography of the fights themselves although they do showcase glimpses of it, but the movie certainly doesn't lack personality. It is colorful, absurd, fairly weird, but you can tell that was the clear intention from both behind and in front of the camera. This will split audiences severely but if you want a kind of turn your brain off movie and just are there for the fights and seeing these famous fighters in live action (and animation) you can roll with it. It's not objectively very good but I truly don't think it's horrible either, sequel baiting aside. You don't need to be a detective to see the faults yet there's still interesting fights, an occasional joke that got me, decent if not good acting given the script, and overall it creates an okay film. I give it 2.5 stars, 6.5/10, and we step into very recent ground for next week's reviews.