Bullet Train

Not my most anticipated movie but it was up there.



Something about the trailers hit me, and I was like oh yeah this is gonna be one of the better films of the year. Didn't disappoint to much all in all and I enjoyed it a good deal. So our story follows a member of an organization who doesn't actually kill people but people certainly die around him, taking a new assignment to retrieve a briefcase from a bullet train in Japan, but there's actual legit assassins on the train who all have their own orders and targets that merge with each other. It's a very complicated case man, a lot of strands to keep straight in the Duder's head this time around but it all ties together at the end so even if you forget a detail the film is polite enough to remind you. Hijinks most certainly ensue. It's not super flashy or different for different's sake in terms of direction and cinematography, focusing more on telling an entertaining and involved story rather than trying to flip the script and break new ground. I can respect that, and the movie does indeed have good shots, choreography, and humor throughout so it's not like it's a generic summer action movie. Though I do have minor quibbles here and there, obviously the movie takes primarily on a train so you don't get the sights of Japan from Tokyo to Kyoto (try saying that three times fast) but you get lots of other bits of the culture. Second, this is zero slam on the actress but Joey King man I hated her character, she's that antagonist who you just want to see meet a grisly end every second and maybe that was just because of my contempt but man I haven't felt hate for a character like that in a minute. Then again if you can get that severe a reaction out of an audience member, sterling performance, like well done madam! Third, this briefcase is purely a McGuffin I understand that and I like how it comes into play near the end, yet it didn't feel entirely pivotal to the plot and it has that Pulp Fiction grab of well what's in it? Nothing interesting I can tell you that, in fact I was expecting some Kill Bill-esque elements in it. No such luck. The cameos were a bit out of nowhere and of course all this bullshit springs from one guy, who I do not like as an actor but find passable as a person, I will try never to review his more popular movies, whose name I may or may not have brought up previously. F***ing guy. So far from perfect, but I'm very happy I saw it and could genuinely see it becoming a cult action hit. Brad Pitt is awesome, like ever since I saw him in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood my appreciation has grown and I love the idea of this reforming agent who doesn't like using guns and is a very open minded, easy going, inner peace kind of guy who can still throw down. Great character! Brian Tyree Henry, such a funny guy, who I can actually believe whacks people, and can pull off those emotional moments. Hiroyuki Sanada is always a joy to see and still rad, who has quite good comedic timing and I hope his fanbase flourishes more after being Scorpion in the newest Mortal Kombat movie. Before I go, just gotta say the funniest part hands doen for me was the anime mascot getting abused. I don't know why but seeing a giant anime catsuit just get punched in the face is just the funniest f***ing thing. Oh my God, you think that might have been some cathartic therapy for people who reeeeally do not like Pikachu or Pokemon? Could be. Overall, it's a solid movie and you can have a good time with it, it strings you along very nicely and never once gets boring or uninteresting. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10!

Snake Eyes

Full frontal admission here, I know precisely dick about G.I. Joe.

I've maybe watched 2 or 3 episodes of the show on a sleepless night in my pre-teen years on Boomerang, I can name exactly 3 characters, Snake Eyes, Baroness, and Cobra Commander, and that's about it. So I walked in virtually blind, and the movie was okay. It wasn't horrible but wasn't terribly good either, I'd say the cast is the strongest point of the movie, the action is very shaky and is slightly hard to follow at times but done admirably, the story really didn't grab my attention until a good bit in, and the fact that the majority of the film takes place in Tokyo gets the movie some brownie points. Of course I enjoyed that immensely, seeing the bits of culture and locations on a big screen brought me much joy. But in terms of plot, it's sheer basics. We meet up with a young Snake Eyes, who sees his father murdered and devotes his entire life to kill the man who did it, only to be recruited by a ninja clan and you know the rest. It's very by the numbers, I kinda expected it to be an average decent movie from the trailers and TV spots and that's really what I got. I would absolutely love to see a hardcore G.I. Joe fan's thoughts on this, picking up on all the easter eggs and educating me on the differences. Henry Golding is a decent lead, he has the physical prowess and is believable in the role and he commits fully. Andrew Koji does actually really good work with the material and the inclusion of his character being the next heir to a powerful family clan brought a lot of enjoyment to the film for me. Haruka Abe is awesome, able to pull off the choreography and does indeed suit the role of chief of security for the family, she's class. Takehiro Hira and Ursula Corbero are okay villains, just not having much of a role to really play with. And from what very super little I know and have seen of the Baroness, I think Ursula hits the nail on the head in terms of physicality, and I'm genuinely curious to see what might come next for this new fledgling series. It's kind of a modus operandi for these G.I. Joe movies to be average, the first run got what, like 2 movies? And were not terribly loved at that, so it kinda peaks my interest more than anything to see if this series continues, though I have this tugging sense that this will be a one shot. Not because it's bad but because of how it's all about the profit the movie makes to seal the deal for a continuation. I'm not expecting high art or future action movie classics with this series, but it could turn into something better than what is here. I personally give the movie 2.5 stars, 6.5/10, but you can tell there was honest to God effort in terms of sets, choreography, acting, and it wanted to tell a story beyond this even if the story and script were not very good. It's a mixed bag, and thusly very mixed conclusions can be drawn from it. And on that shrugging bombshell it is time to end this week, see you next time everybody.