The Munsters

It's cute, don't be mean.




I was surprised like everybody else to hear Rob Zombie's next film would be an adaptation of The Munsters, and once I saw the trailer I was interested. I was looking forward to seeing it in theaters and was sideswiped by the Netflix and home video release instead, but I grabbed a DVD of it and so here we are on the verge of the most wonderful time of the year, and I gotta say I really liked this movie. Bizarre to see a Rob Zombie movie rated PG, but the whole movie is a bit on the weird side. The story more or less is how Herman met Lily and their eventual move to Mockingbird Lane, it's not a heavily plot centric film, it's a brightly colored, cute, fun piece of fluff movie and I adore it. In my own personal experience I've liked The Munsters a good deal, and while I undoubtedly am a much bigger fan of The Addams Family I can't disregard it by a long shot. I feel you can tell Rob Zombie does have a lot of affinity for the show, and without question gives this movie it's own flair and style. It is about as colorful if not maybe even more so than 1960s TV, containing that visual nuance that Rob Zombie has implemented in his films and music videos. The cast I felt did very well, taking mannerisms and the foundations of the characters but still making it their own and were pretty friggin' funny too. Jeff Daniel Phillips isn't trying to be Fred Gwyne who is a treasure and born to play Herman, but the guy has comedic timing and is completely believable as this character and if nothing else the man has my respect for wearing those platform shoes no matter what outfit he is wearing. Commitment. Sheri Moon Zombie is....I think this is honestly my most favorite of the parts she plays, Lily is beyond cute, funny, and charming I cannot fully express in words how much I was just head over heels for her in this. Speaking of which, the relationship between Herman and Lily is incredibly endearing and sweet, you can feel that immovable devotion to one another and it's very I guess uplifting if that's the right word. I mean it by Gawd rekindled some love in my icy black heart. Daniel Roebuck is awesome as The Count, and he had some giant shoes to fill after Al Lewis who man, I could praise that fella's devotion and love to Grampa Munster for a long whiles, and it was almost like seeing him back in the role one last time. It was my biggest reservation but the highest point of enjoyment for me, The Count is still my favorite part to this day. I actually forgot Sylvester McCoy was in this, so I lost my marbles for a brief moment getting to see my favorite classic Doctor Who flexing those honed comedy muscles throughout. I think the most underrated performance for me is Richard Brake as Dr. Wolfgang, many people are probably gonna write him off as scenery chewing over the top to the max, naw man. He is having the time of his life playing this melodramatic sophisticated doctor, and I'm just gonna say it I legit saw a bit of Vincent Price in his perfromance. I don't care, I meant what I said and said what I meant, the guy is great. Very lovely of course as always to see Cassandra Peterson even if it was just near the end, I'd recognize that voice anywhere and bless her for countless years to come. I know some people are going to really trash the production side of things, but I really honestly digged it. The colors are so rich and bold almost a neon saturated version of a Hammer film, the costumes and monster effects are quite good for a Netflix movie that probably didn't have a massive budget, the editing and cinematography are niche but fun, and the references. Whooo now! Boy howdy let me tell you! The second I saw the Universal logo from the 30s start the movie, I knew I was in for a trip. The Universal Monsters get some love here and rightfully so, all the clips and characters that pop up made the fanboy in me applaud. I know I'm gonna rattle off my mom's ear cause she really wanted to see this movie as well, so I'm just gonna be like oh yeah that's Nosferatu who was played by Max Shreck in 1922, Rob knows his audience and knows what we like. Which brings me to the point of the fact I know this movie is going to be so devisive and split down the middle for people, I think the fans of Zombie's works are gonna appreciate it and embrace the easy going, light, goofy fun atmosphere of the movie while others are just gonna unnecessarily assassinate it behind a shed and shove it in a woodchipper. Oh it's stupid, it's not funny, it has no plot, and so on and so forth. You don't make a movie that looks and proceeds like this unintentionally, it's meant to be a bright, enjoyable, silly piece of spooky goodness that you can throw on as a background movie for a Halloween party or watch with young kids and get some laughs out of. I was a grumpy bastard today but as I was making some dinner, sipping a red viscous fluid out of my skull glass, listening to some Ghost, and settled down to watch this movie I was a pretty happy camper and we're ending the night on a high note. Objectively it's maybe a 7/10, but for me I give it 4 stars, 8.5/10! And we got another Rob Zombie movie tomorrow that hint hint, nudge nudge, has some connective tissue to what other reviews come out this week. Happy nightmares everyone.

Don't Worry Darling

Olivia you f***ing madwoman!

I am so not sure where to start. I liked it a good deal, gave me exactly what I expected and wanted, but I think this one is gonna be a short review. There just ain't much I can divulge. Okay so story time, a young housewife in the 1950s is living a trully idyllic life but as time passes cracks start forming and she seeps through them to discover not all is cocktails and sunshine. Not exactly the most groundbreaking of plots but you know what, I was invested and intrigued to end credits. I wish I did not have a headache when I walked in, not that the movie contributed to it at all, but it's hard to focus on dialogue and sown seeds when you just wish you had some ibuprofen. The movie gets bizzare and kinda unsettling fairly quick, and we get some avant garde artsy stuff and you know I'm onboard for that. Florence Pugh, God bless hun you get stuck in these situations but hot damn I'm always so proud of you at the end of the film. Totally did not know that was Harry Styles until credits, but I'm far from modern to say the least but I felt he did quite good throughout. Olivia Wilde with piercing green eyes, gingerhair, and 50s aesthetics, 10/10! Was really looking forward to Chris Pine being a bad guy, and while we have bits of this power struggle and manipulations he isn't that prevalent in it. On one hand I can see and respect why, he's almost this Bond villain where he is more heard than seen and his presence is felt looming everywhere. I appreciate that but he did really good with his physical performance that I wanted more out of it. The movie has elements of The Truman Show, A Clockwork Orange, some real world cult influence, and a healthy dose of psychological madness. And I know, I am gazing into the future as we speak and I don't like a single goddamn thing I'm seeing. Oh this movie has an agenda, it's man hating propaganda, every bullshit buzzword under the sun, feminism, SJW, "woke", ect. ect., and I'm sure the world cares so much about your opinion sweetheart. Speaking as The Dude, and I am fairly certain there was a majority of women in that theater with me, I can say this is a very good movie and you can tell Olivia Wilde had so much to get off her chest in regards to conformity, relationships of a toxic variety, freedom of choice, and how the 1950s lifestyle treated women. I am okay with this, I dig it, I gave two thumbs way way up when end credits rolled. 4 stars, 8/10, goodnight everybody!

When The Bough Breaks

Not as great as Acrimony but still enjoyable.

I may get into the spirit of reviewing more thriller movies like this, wow this movie got wild. Like okay, full admission, I knew about this movie and what happened in it but this a prime example of seeing is believing. I saw Brad Jones review this at a Midnight Screening and I was totally okay seeing it based off his recommendation. So the movie is about a fairly upper class couple, played by Morris Chestnut and Regina Hall, who have been desperately trying to have kids and have taken the approach of a surrogate mother to do the heavy lifting for 9 months, but uh...things go south and all Fatal Attraction. I'm just gonna say it, if I knew jack about this movie and we got to where we meet the surrogate Anna, played by Jaz Sinclair, I could tell just from her eyes that she would not be prime mama material. That's not a slam against the actress, far f***ing from it actually, she was amazing in this movie! Can I blame her for crushing hardcore on Morris Chestnut? Hell friggin' no! Ladies, gents, anon, take damn notes on this man and try your best to catch a guy like that. Holy shit, I aspire to be like Morris Chestnut in this movie! 1000% dedication to his wife, puts up with so much, wants to be a papa, aspiring businessman, impeccable fashion, the man is flawless. Ho mah gawd, bless him. I will give this guy all my money next film I see him going to be in. Regina Hall, surprisingly more of a background player in all this, it's very much centered on this power play of affection between Morris and Jaz, but she does very well and nails the emotional crux of being stuck between an unstoppable force and an immovable object. Production wise, quite good I mean for a film that doesn't entirely have a huge budget and could very easily slip into Lifetime movie of the week, knows how to make a shot look good and severe props to set designers and effects. And oh yeah, you get a horror money shot on par with any Friday The 13th movie, totally unexpected but so damn effective. I am so not for romance thrillers or whatever the high holy hell you want to call movies like this, but if it involves Taraji P. Henson or Morris Chestnut, you bet your ass I am all in. 3 stars, 7/10, another new movie tomorrow if all should go well and I am thoroughly interested in how it will go.

Pearl

Holy cow did this slip right under my radar, I'm losing track of time.

I would like to issue a formal apology to the director Ti West, the production crew, and star Mia Goth, and say I am so f***ing sorry I missed the premiere! The words are trying to escape my mouth, but I was rendered speechless by this film. I'm still fumbling about with the fact that X came out this year, it sure doesn't feel like it. Man. Jesus Christ movie! The question of which is better, X or Pearl is unanswerable in my mind's eye right now. So let's go through it and see what the answer shall be. The year is 1918, World War 1 is still raging, spanish influenza is on the rise, and a young lady living on a farm named Pearl has aspirations to dance in the pictures. Where do I begin? I feel Ti West is getting way more artsy in this movie than X, which is fine with my snob side entirely, there are sequences and more directly shots that say, look at me I have something gorgeous to show to you, very striking colors and painting-esque composition. I love it. I can't talk about her right now, just...just hang on a minute. The story may truthfully feel not as involved and horror filled as X, but I feel that is intentional. It focuses on a farm girl, her small town, the very veryyy slim assortment of people she knows, it's really about as independent filmmaking as you can get while still having a budget. And before I forget, did anyone get some hard Wizard Of Oz vibes at certain points. A young farm girl fed up with her life, dreaming of something grander, only to know home is the place to be above all. There is a scarecrow in it, with a painted face, green shirt, and black hat, but the less said about that the better. Pearl even flat out looks like the real world equivalent of the Wicked Witch when she tries to take Toto away, that can't have been coincidence. Not sure if it has significance on the movie....but it's there. Alright. Guys. Mia Goth deserves, no I flat out DEMAND on her behalf, that this woman wins every single major award for an actress next year. Motherf***er you do not walk past a performance like this, not in your life! One of the best modern monologues and performances I have seen in a long ass while, and an ending shot that made my soul quiver out of my body as my eyes were transfixed in a mix of immense delight and overwhelming terror, no no no. You, mm-mmm, no way, you don't get to say bad things about her, ain't gonna happen. This. This is it. I can't say for certain, but this could be the best actress I've seen in all my days. There just no one who can commit wholesale like she does in this movie, no way, no how, it's just her in her prime element giving the performance of a lifetime. Holy goddamn, motherf***ing, sons a' bitchin', shitting me out the ass, f*** f*** f***ing hell, I can't believe how good she is in this. Moving swiftly on. No groovy soundtrack but I can forgive that, supporting cast is very commited and props to them for making it all come alive, gruesome as hell effects though not clearly as ample as X it still gets the bloody job done. What a friggin' comeback for new movies, the unexpected wait was worth every second and penny of my life, do I like it better than X? I gave X like a 9 if not a 9.5/10, and I will say Pearl gets a sterling 4 stars, 9/10. It's close, like a hair breadth away guys in either direction, just go see it and don't worry about my rankings or score. The best expectations for cinema is zero expectations, I had no clue what the hell I was walking into but I clearly liked what I saw. My subconcious has enough nightmare fuel for the next 5 years rent free. I'll see you tomorrow.

Joe Pera Talks With You: Season 3

Like man I am not emotionally okay right now that there is no more new Joe Pera to watch.

So...is the final season the best? Well all endings are sad in a way and despite that, I would say yeah. It's one of the few shows I've seen in my life where the quality stays at an excellent standard throughout, and the enjoyment factor not just from the comedy but overall is exemplary and top of the peak. There's some pretty huge stuff that happens in this season, I mean lots happens great and small and thankfully no severe heartache is included. Gene retires and starts a semi-overarching story about chairs and the act of sitting, Sarah opens up and gets some gal pals which is great, Joe has to sell his Nana's house and reflects on legacy before taking a giant step with Sarah, and Gene creates Skynet and has plans to rule the world. That last part is not a joke. So help me, if I could, I would vote for that man under every alias I have, there's no one I trust more for the highest office. Fun conversational topics this season include going chair shopping, camping, the act of flying, and building furniture. Favorite episode....that's a tough one, I adore the flying episode for the amazing drone footage and fascinating train of thought you would have if you thought about taking to the air. Sarah getting new friends and coming out of her shell is so damn sweet and I cannot compliment that woman enough as is so that's possible contender material. And I gotta say the last episode is really damn good and the reason I love it is more for the fact of what you don't see, what happens after end credits, where does the lives of these people go and what direction is the world headed to? I call it the Watchmen effect. But I honestly like the season opener best, Joe and Gene going chair shopping and it's just such a cozy environment and honest to God, hand over my heart....I think that's the closest I have experienced serenity, true peace from a television show. I've experienced it multiple times in my life, often in the presence of silence and trees, but never have I felt that from a show. In fact, I've never felt anything like how I do watching other shows when I'm comfy in my chair and turning on Joe Pera Talks With You. It's the epitome of one of a kind for me, there just is nothing like it in media, which makes it all the more special. It can make me at ease, comfy, the warm fuzzies sieging my heart, thoughtful, appreciative of life, emotional about life, on the verge of tears even when nothing particularly heavy is going on it's just a feeling, and just unadulterated concentrated happiness surging through my soul. I've seen damn good television in my life, shows that might not be perfect but I still love them greatly regardless, shows that encapsulate phases of my life, I think I found the best and most perfect TV show right here. I give ratings primarily on enjoyment factor but always taking into consideration the aspects of production, acting, and direction while looking at the broad picture of cinema. Studio 666 is not objectively a 10/10, Cruella is not objectively a 10/10, Star Wars is not objectively a 10/10, but you know what? I have the time of my life watching those movies and revel in every second of it because it gives me everything I want and love. This series surpasses 10/10s, a 10 is shortselling it for me, I do not ironically give super high scores for anything least of all this. I mean it. This....this is it. I don't see it being toppled. Best dang television I've ever seen in my life.

Joe Pera Talks With You: Season 2

This might be a bit tough to talk about at a certain point but if you can't talk frankly don't be a critic.




What a season. Let's talk story bits first and then we'll dig in. So the show picks up with the beginning of summer break which offers a lot of opportunity and well earned rest for Joe and Sarah as they fully commit to a relationship, and a literal overarching plot is put into action by making a bean arch. I knew you would get that joke, you're a smart cookie. Of course the show never loses it's unique landscape of topics to discuss such as grocery stores, hikes, fashion, lighthouses, and internet videos which still offer a lot of charm and introspection to certain things. I think easily my favorite episode of the season is the beauty parlor where Joe and his Nana converse about patience and hairstyles before going to a fish fry, a situation I have experienced many times which is why I hold the episode so dear in my heart. I wish more than anything I could tell you the season is just as lovely and comfy to watch but unfortunately like life, things happen beyond your control. By episode 9 a severe and shocking bomb is dropped when Joe's Nana unexpectedly passes away, and a good bit of the final 4 episodes is him trying to reconcile that fact by writing her obituary, going to the wake, and trying to find his footing afterwards. I can tell it was inspired by real life events and his experiences, and it's not easy for me to tell that I know that feeling all too well. The show was able to express feelings I've never had the heart or words to say before, and it's something incredibly near to my heart that I won't be able to get over. The final bit of dialogue given at the end of the eleventh episode says everything I could ever have said or felt in the darkest period of my life. The overall composition of words, scenery of the The Domes in Milwaukee, and music accompaniment needless to say made me an emotional wreck where I had to take considerable time before moving on to the next episode. Not to say the show lost it's humor or pleasant relaxing mood, far from it in fact, but something that personal to me can't be ignored in writing this. Somehow someway Joe and Sarah are even cuter than before, and the crushing is so real with her. Can't stop, won't stop, they're just brilliant together and bless them. I'm not fully sure if I complimented the cinematography in my previous review due to memory difficulties getting worse, but this is a gorgeous show when it wants to be. Whether a simple shot of a growing plant amidst a rainy day, or a spectacular colorful light show in The Domes, or walking amongst reeds and trees near the setting sun, I mean that's pretty strikingly beautiful to me. The soundtrack I dare say has improved and it was already pretty flawless, having a fine mix of soul quieting moody music and jazzy upbeat happy tunes. So much to appreciate and so few words to describe it all. As if I needed more reason to love it and all the effort put in to make it, but it surpasses the previous season on a deeper level taking the basic elements and doing more and interesting things with it, taking it to new horizons unexplored. I don't need to tell you the score, you already know. So instead I'd like to wish you a good and peaceful day, and to give my appreciation for all the folks who keep coming back to read my thoughts. With yesterday's review we hit 975, and while I did have plans for a huge series to top off 1,000 October is nearly upon us and I'm looking forward to the festivities beyond horror reviews. So I hope you join me for the occasion and now I have to think about the possibilities of what comes after that. I'll see you tomorrow.

Joe Pera Talks With You: Season 1

I can't simply do this show justice with a simple overview, so let us begin.



I would like first to say BETRAYAL!!! BETRAYAL! BETRAYED ME!! How could you have done this Adult Swim, YOU ARE TEARING ME APART!!! 3 seasons, I know it couldn't have went on forever, nothing lasts that long but this is loathsome in my eyes. You made quite possibly the best television show I have seen in my life and it got the ax. I'm not letting it go, but we're moving on to my happy place. So, ahem, a show 9 episodes long and the majority of them are simply 11 minutes, the fact it got another season is pretty remarkable to begin with I have to say. And it's a premise I can't fully articulate or summarize cause the episodes are completely different to anything I've seen on television, both in subject matter and format. It's...Joe Pera Talks With You, about things like iron, fireworks, how to dance, breakfast, and autumn drives. Maybe not the most thrilling of topics, but it's how the show goes about it is when it's magnetic spell is cast upon you to where it becomes interesting and you can't wait for the next episode. It's easily the most laid back, unhurried, cozy, endearing, and yet super funny show ever. The directing style is so dirt simple you could almost mistake it for a early 2000s film project, normal panning shots, cross dissolves, music that sounds stock but ultimately is as charming and lovely as the show, it just can't be described. Just experience it. See the views and locations of Marquette, meet a few people, gain some knowledge and ask questions that nobody has before, it may not seem like much but when you take the time to sit and enjoy it the more you'll appreciate it, it's a lot like life. Simple joys and pleasures in inexplicable everyday situations, anyone can do it. The soothing nature of the show is unparalleled, not just on part of the writing but our host and humble narrator too, Joe has a very soft slow melody to his speech and the points he brings up are interesting and even existential at times, I'd almost call it a show for introverts or people who just like to think. I think the dedicated crew knew what they were going for in composition of the series, making the experience (and there simply is no other way to word it than that) one of calmness while still making me laugh to beat the band on numerous occasions. It's a kind of dull dry humor, and I can see many people not fully getting it but for me it worked wonders. It's kind of hard to discuss it, but I attribute that nature more on the grounds that I simply enjoy it and find myself at a loss for words when trying to paint a picture rather than it having nothing to say or do. I wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't much acting involved from everybody, Gene is great to be around and has a voice that could melt butter and while his interactions with Joe are brief they are still highly enjoyable. Jo is well, wow, not to get off on tangents but I think she is supremely cute and brings a great deal of humor to the programme, and the relationship between her and Joe is a sweet and natural one culminating in an entirely different but nevertheless endearing romance from what you would normally see. I think my personal favorite episode is the fall drive, just the scenery alone wins it but the material for the episode is some food for thought and the humor just as spot on as ever. I don't know, what can I really say that I feel in my heart? It's a flawless piece of television, I always feel like I'm in a comfortable cozy spot when I watch an episode and not just on the account of my recliner and  warm blanket, it gives me newfound appreciation of life in all it's average facets and gets me thinking about the life I've lead but not the depressing kind. The kind where you're thankful and happy to reminisce. The music is just that right kind of music that I love best, very relaxing, not loud but has a different kind of energy, while still having moments of upbeat and happy music as well, and I don't think it would come as a surprise that I have several songs in my music library. It's just....nice, that's all I can say about it. You see so much apathy and sarcasm and negativity in life and the world, but here's a show that is lovely, honest, and wholesome. Yeah that's the word, wholesome, it's a wholesome show that deserves great love and attention in my estimation, because it simply gives that to the audience. I don't think I would have the heart to ask more from the show when it gives me more than enough as is. 4 gold stars, 20/10, and we're just getting started.