Mortal Kombat Annihilation

What a heavy load Einstein must have had. F***ing morons everywhere!

I'm in a bad mood, like what an absolute waste of 90 minutes and 3 dollars, both of which I will never get back. I don't need to tell you this movie is a dumpster fire, anyone with a brainstem can witness that and testify to it. That was the one thing I did not like in the first Mortal Kombat was they sequel baited it at the end, and one of the only few good things I can say about this movie is that it picks up right where the last movie ended. Now I pose this question because my knowledge of Mortal Kombat is basic, harboring on adept, is Shao Khan the emperor of Outworld? Cause that's who Raiden said turned up, and I'm not sure. But anyway so he pops up bringing with him a cabal of nearly every villain up until Mortal Kombat 3, leading Liu, Katana, Sonya, and a healthy dose of new characters to stop him. I will now disclose the 3 things I liked about this movie, we actually get a Scorpion vs. Sub-Zero fight which was missing in the last which was kind of a bummer but I didn't mind much, and the fight goes for a decent length here and easily is the best fight in the entire movie. The soundtrack isn't bad with good tracks, with of course Techno Syndrome still the main theme. And Sandra Hess as Sonya Blade, I'm not joking she actually did really really good in this movie, and I have zero issue with Bridgette in the first film but her performance was 99% pouty and pissed off, but Sandra is the best actor in the film for my money, giving a lot of humor and warmth for lack of a better word, she's awesome. Everything else, what. Like man when even my technologically inept ass could probably make a better fan made Mortal Kombat movie in terms of special effects and costumes, I really have no words. I have seen bad CG, many a time in fact, this might be the worst. I mean wow. Everything is so slap dash in this f***ing movie, literally every aspect, I'm almost positive there was a blood sacrifice to Azazel for this movie to even hit theaters. Yes, this was theatrically released. Not direct to VHS which is how I saw it when I rented it from Blockbuster when I was probably 12, and I don't remember liking it even back then. I like the scene with Jade, though I'm positive that was for more specific reasons...in fact every guy in this movie hits on Jade. You need to get laid filmmakers. I just...I'm so done with this movie. I was done with it 5 minutes in, if you honestly sit through this longer than 5 or 6 minutes and you don't have to review it like me, superhuman endurance man, like proper incredible feats of patience and acceptance. Death is only a temporary moment of displeasure for true peace. Just watch Cinemassacre's Rental Review, I'm done, I'm away. What did I give the animated movie? Like a 2 or 3/10? Shit. 0.5 star, 1/10, never again. Let's hope the new animated movie is good so we can get off the bumpy road of quality.

Mortal Kombat: The Journey Begins

What a way to f***ing start this week!

Oh man, this...this brought back some stuff. So how does one describe The Journey Begins? Shite. I mean that's the easy way at least, but you have this direct to video project that is this mighty bizzare mix of 3D and 2D animations, essentially being the cliffnotes version of Mortal Kombat to get you prepped for the big movie. Except for the fact the movie hit about 10 days before this. Friggin' whoops apparently! How do you mess that up? It even has some behind the scenes footage with cast interviews and stuff at the very end, so you would think this would come out like a solid 2 weeks before the film. I'm sorta dumbfounded at that. The story is this pseudo-prequel/parts of the original movie/ buncha' bullshit you never saw. It starts on the boat where Liu, Johnny, and Sonya are heading for the tournament as they come actoss these characters and learn the backstory of the actual Mortal Kombat tournament. And this is where the 3D animation comes in, and it's not good. I mean not. Good. But it is fascinating to see because they used motion capture for it, and such technology was in it's sheer infancy, I mean even in Two Towers it was still being perfected but they did such a good job with it. And boy howdy, you better f***ing believe I thought this was the most high tech, cool, state of the art shit you ever seen. I rented this tape a good fair amount of times in my youth, and the 3D CG fights were my favorite part. I'm so happy I waited until a more mature, seasoned, and intelligent me started writing reviews. In fact even the animation style is so unheard of, they used 3D backgrounds and environments that look much worse than a Nintendo 64 game but still animated the characters in the 2D style. So you have this hilariously jittery, poorly tracked, flat out garbage animation trying to interact with a 3D world. They had no budget for this, they blew it all on CG wonder, they barely had animation cells to film a scene. It's that special kind of cheap animation where they constantly reuse bits and pieces and the lip syncing makes Godzilla movies look masterful. I simply cannot wrap my brain around why this exists. I know I didn't exactly have a warm reception to the new Mortal Kombat trailer but I think it is extremely safe to say we are on an upward spiral. It's not getting worse than this. No way. Absolute tripe. Thank God you can watch it for free on the YouTubes, because I have wasted money on a bit in my life, but I'm not wasting it here. 1 star, 2/10, I somehow have nostalgic memories of this but it does not hold any sway this time. Watch if you are morbidly curious or are still part of the Kombat Klub. Movie coming up tomorrow on a very special day so stay tuned for more.