Tuesday, October 11, 2022

Halloween Resurrection

This f***ing day has been coming since 2015.

So what did I think of the final movie of the original series? Bullshit. That's what I think. Total f***ing bullshit. The fact I spent 3 dollars on this is a travesty. I am so not happy guys. Resurrection my ass, this put the series into the ground for good until Rob wanted to do his own spin, and there's no resurrection! It's a sham!! It's all a lie! Ughhh, okay let's do this shit. So unfortunately, we pick up about 2 years after 20 Years Later with Laurie in a mental hospital because and you're gonna love this, Michael did not get his head knocked clean off with an axe to the face but swapped places with one of the paramedics at the crime scene, crushed his voicebox so the man couldn't speak, and has been on the loose ever since. So thanks for taking that final huzzah, the big V for Laurie right the shittin' hell away, Michael then offs Laurie in the first maybe 15 minutes, which is a nice additional nod to her mom Janet Leigh of Psycho fame, but frankly my dear I'm happy you didn't give a damn and wanted out as quick as possible. So an indeterminate period of time has passed before we meet up with our new group of veal lined up for the slaughterhouse, who really can be sectioned off into stereotypes I mean I know, this is a horror movie it is a part of the fundamental DNA of a slasher film, but it's fairly egregious. Main girl, dopey best friend, actually a pretty likeable and fun black dude, awkward nerd, philosophical brainy girl, wiseass guy just wanting some tail, all we're missing is some shit heel jock and we could be summoning Captain Planet. And if you don't get that reference, that is NMFP (Not My F***ing Problem)! And they're so goddamn infuriating and annoying and stupid! Sweet Jesus God I was ready to start throwing fists at the wall man! I'm serious, anyone ANYONE who says Halloween Kills is the worst of the Halloween franchise is officially on my shit list and I will fight you on the side of the street!! Ohhh, oh hohoho, I feel the rage coursing through me today boy! Let's at least try to name some positives. The effects I feel in terms of kills and gore are pretty good. The movie was a bit ahead of it's time with this sort of livestreaming interactive video thing our host of victims are participating in, granted the technology is dated as all get out but that's some forward thinking for a movie made 20 years ago. I will say in all honesty, Busta Rhymes is not a bad actor, you can say and you are correct on what he does in the movie is ridiculous and punks Michael Myers out hardcore, but the man is commited to this goofy ass dialogue and actually pulls it off with a lot of charm, likeability, even charisma, and is pretty funny! I'll admit hearing Busta Rhymes shout in a Michael Myers mask and cussing up a storm made me laugh my ass off unironically. The kung-fu is a bit much but I cannot say I entirely hated his performance. Uhhhh....what else? Props to the redhead for showing off some skin, woman's got more gnards than I do, respect to you. Uhmm, the kills were inventive? This bit is over, we're moving on. I will say it was a bit hard to watch this film, I know ha ha funny funny, but the actual swapping between grainy, fuzzy ass, static kinda shaky filled POV cameras and the crisp, decent, professional cinematography was affecting my eyes a bit. I don't think it should cause any serious issues to people with epilepsy or motion sickness or anything, but it did fiddle with my eyes a wee notch. I don't know what else to say, I just...shit! I have been dreading this day more than getting to Halloween 6, when I dropped Halloween 1, 2, and 3 waaaayyy back in 2015 I doomed myself, I knew I was gonna get to it. Was it worth it? Not particularly. I should have called it quits at Season Of The Witch, we didn't get better than that until 2018. Oh my God, just run, leave, abort, abandon ship, avoid, fly into the event horizon of a black hole, just stay away. 1 star, 3/10. Moustapha Akkad I respect and appreciate what you and your family have done for this series, I would never besmirch your good name or any of your realtives, the affinity you hold for these movies, not now not ever, but was Resurrection really the right step forward? The world is far from perfect, we're on a rough timeline here folks, bad things happen, but look to the mistakes of the past to craft a better future in all it's avenues and facets. Learn and progress. And just a mere 5 years later, after the horrible death of Moustapha and his daughter Rima in 2005, Rob Zombie took up the reigns in 2007 for his own version and sequel which we will be covering next time. 

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