Monday, August 26, 2019

Doctor Who: Series 8

Boy did this go downhill fast.

Now I love Peter Capaldi, he is truly a fantastic Doctor and I still miss him now, he fully understands the character and has done no wrong. That is not the issue of this series. And in all fairness it started off damn well, Deep Breath was a great first episode for Peter and the new dynamic change for Clara was nice but it was only the beginning of the end for her character. Remember this is a woman who knows The Doctor, is fully aware of who he is and that he can change his face into a new incarnation, so why does she throw this tantrum that "He's not The Doctor anymore! Where's my sexy boyfriend? Why is he ooooold??" I mean are you kidding me? She knows him better than any of his recent companions, more than Sarah Jane, Rose, anybody and yet she still acts like a child. We'll rip into her, I mean get to her in a bit. Not yet. But she comes to accept who he is and their next adventures are really fun. It's just great to see an older Doctor and younger companion, so no bullshit crushes or romance, just a nice friendship between them and it's nice. Into The Dalek is an interesting episode but I kinda hate how they made the actual Dalek casing act like a human body full of squishy bits, white blood cells, and a stomach. Just...weird, I mean I get it but yeah, weird. Robot Of Sherwood was excellent fun, with The Doctor being a total grump as he banters with a fun Robin Hood and Clara gets her fairy tale adventure. Listen I felt was trying soooo hard to be the next Blink, and while it was eerie it didn't have that terror punch Blink had but I still liked it. Time Heist was the last good episode of the series, a very Ocean's 11 caper in an intergalactic bank, short but sweet, and was well crafted. After that.....ugh. I mean the episodes aren't god awful, they're not even really bad at all but they absolutely just ruined a fun, charming, and very likable companion. We'll talk about the series finale but we need to address the absolute assassination of Clara Oswald. I mean talk about a complete betrayal, I have no idea what Steven was on or thinking but he made Clara go from a sweet, likable, and fun companion into this whiny, bitching, insufferable, pathological liar that borders and then crosses into psychopathic child who I absolutely despise. And I know exactly the moment she became a hateful person, and it was when she dated Danny Pink. I'm still racking my brain trying to figure out how their little relationship even got off the godforsaken ground. When I see more chemistry and substance in a relationship between Anastasia and f***ing Christian Grey, then you my friend have officialy failed at writing. That is how bad their relationship is, their first date is an absolute dumpster fire and yet they inexplicably keep dating and forming an I can only assume supremely toxic relationship, Clara can't stop lying straight to his face even when he practically knows about The Doctor, he keeps trying to break the bond between Clara and The Doctor to the point where it seems like he's gaslighting and manipulating her to just never see The Doctor again and be with him. It sickens me in the pit of my stomach. And you know what? It works. Clara starts whining and bitching like a spoiled child, always wanting her way without ever regarding anybody's feelings, to the point where she snaps like a Twix bar, essentially holds her best friend hostage and destroys all the Tardis keys because she wants her dead boyfriend back. She was dying already since Deep Breath but in the first part of the series finale, she is dead to me. Just dead to me, I now hate a truly wonderful companion that I greatly enjoyed seeing. And it is very apparent to anyone who watches this series, there is such an obvious and almost tangible break between this one character from two seperate series. It sucks to see her turn into this cunniving monster, because I liked Clara! I really liked her! I thought she was so much fun, had wonderful chemistry with Matt, Jenna Coleman is a delight in those episodes! And this is what happens to her. Becoming a codependent, immature, pathetic, horrible, utter pathological liar who goes from sociopathic to psychopathic and it is a slap in the face to all of her fans! Clara deserves better than this. And all because of an absolute piece of shit, f*** Danny Pink, his whole character I can sum up very quickly. "Clara you should listen to me because I'm a man, and I don't trust your best friend and I think he's secretly a massive asshole. Come be with me because I know better but I hate you because you can't ever tell me the truth, and I'm just a swishy bitch who wants attention. Because I killed a kid in the army!" Honestly that last bit about the kid when I first heard it, I thought it was really good character writing, but at the end of it I just don't care. I somehow hated him more when he turns into a Cyberman, probably because he was the biggest emo twat I've ever seen in my life, I was honestly expecting to hear in the background of any scene of him "Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal". I am not joking. Doctor Who is making me fricking LIVID lately, and I don't want to be this way! But bullshit is bullshit and when the bullshit man says this finale is bullshit...oh my God I could not be more serious. Okay fine, the whole mystery built over the series and in the first part of the finale is good. Who's this batshit crazy broad? What's this afterlife place? What are all these supporting characters doing here? And I'll freely admit I had no idea it was the Cybermen until the reveal! And then it just gets more stupid. What the hell is the deal with Missy? Now I have no issue with the idea behind this character, I can roll with it to a point. Now I seriously and truly do not hate Michelle Gomez but my Goooood what even is this character?! And I do NOT want to hear anybody defend this with, oh she's just a crazy, zany, illogical character so you can't be mad that her plan is utterly pointless and she's an annoying prat! Let me give you an acorn of wisdom: Crazy has motive, there is a reason the saying "There is a method to the madness" exists, villains in media could be nuttier than squirrel droppings but they had motivation and ulterior motives. There is none of that here. She's just crazy to be crazy, and we don't have to explain it because she's an animaniac!! No. Do something with her character, give us material to know her and enjoy her presence more. Stop. Lazily. Writing. Characters! There's one thing I liked in the finale besides Peter and seeing Kate again, it's so silly but I just love it, when the Cybermen emerge in the street if you look in the background there's this lady who just bear hugs a Cyberman and I swear to God it is the cutest damn thing. Why do I love that so much? I have no idea but I'm taking what I can get from this dumpster fire! Allow me to relay this whole evil plan because I wanna bash my frick fraking brains out against the walls because of how much zero sense it makes. So let me get this straight...a company front which is actually a Cyberman converting factory not only harvests dead bodies to make Cybermen (which is totally fine, I like that) and then after that, they start flying Iron Man style into the atmosphere, then explode causing huge synthesized storm clouds to emerge, which then rain water into graves all over the world, kinda like in Return Of The Living Dead, where instantaneously corpses no matter how long they've been buried or how much they have decayed, whether a few weeks or several centuries, emerge as fully functioning Cybermen. Uh-huh.

I just took like...a lot of pills, maybe had some alcohol. I'm fine. Everything is just tickety boo here at Dude Central! What mind melting level of stupid are you talking about? Of course Cybermen can just bust out of graves even if they don't have a brain which is literally what they need to function. They're just mindless zombies now that are at the whim of a woman who would make Charles Manson look like Albert Einstein, even though they are tactical, methodical, pure logical beings who make extensive plans to upgrade the universe. I see nooooo issue with this! Let them do a little dance, it'd be so funny! Hey you remember that in Doctor Who when the iconic villains did nothing and were just a waste of time? Oh man those were fun times. What's that? None of this makes sense and the ending destroys the coolness and impact of the Cybermen almost beyond repair? Nahhh! It's fine! It's all fine! This is totally Doctor Who, that beloved sci-fi series enjoyed by young and old for over 50 years, that made excellent stories, beloved characters, thoughtful and interesting dilemmas, original monsters, and fun for everyone. Yeah.....that's what this was.

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