Diamonds Are Forever

Oh boy do I wish this wasn't Connery's last outing.

After the great You Only Live Twice and the excellent On Her Majesty's Secret Service, this movie feel like 2 steps backwards. It's not horrible, but off the heels of the last movie it just doesn't fit. Which is odd because the movie begins with James hunting down Blofeld starting in Japan, with not even a slight mention of Tracy, so one could argue the last movie happened later on after this one. But anyway after that, Bond is tasked with a more simple case dealing with diamond smuggling in which he is accompanied by one of my favorite Bond girls Tiffany Case, while the pair are being hunted down by the devilishly fun Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd. This film is...problematic. There's quite a bit I enjoy, Jill St. John is wonderful as Tiffany Case and you know me and redheads, but she really is class in this movie and a lot of fun to watch. Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd are so good I kind of wish there was a movie just about them, Bruce Glover and Putter Smith are wickedly menacing in that camp sort of way, and the fact that they're a couple is just the icing on the cake. I love them to bits and pieces. And of course there is the most weird casting choice I think I've seen in awhile, Charles Gray as Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Now let me be clear, I friggin' loooove Charles Gray in this movie, but dear lord would this casting only work in this movie, it is something that must be seen to be believed. Which is odd because he already was a character in You Only Live Twice but then again, in both From Russia With Love and Thunderball Blofeld was played by the same person as Professor Dent in Dr. No so it's kind of a theme in this series. And there is stuff I hate, like the most ridiculous excuse for continuity I have ever seen in a car chase, the plot is boring to the point I was nodding off to sleep, every character besides the ones I pointed out are dull and unmemorable, the moon buggy scene is nearing weeping hilarity, and I'm honestly wishing Sean Connery never returned to the series because he quite honestly deserved a better reprisal than this. Oh God, this movie is a hot mess. Like that's pretty much all the good things I can say about it, the rest is just sort of blah with even Connery delivering an even less than good performance than his last appearance. I'm not sure if it's the plot, or the directing, but this movie falls very flat for me and I would only recommend watching it if you were having a marathon like me. I like it ever so slightly more than Thunderball but I think even Dr. No is better than this. If I am venturing to Las Vegas and attending the Circus Circus, I will be breathing some devil ether thank you very much. I still say Thunderball is the weakest of the Connery era but this barely scraped above it, by a fun cast, an emphasis on camp, and a semi-decent climax. 2.5 stars, 5.5/10, Roger Moore please help me learn to laugh and love again.

You Only Live Twice

It's sort of a toss up between this and Goldfinger as my favorite Connery film.

You Only Live Twice is a amazing entry in the series despite the behind the scenes drama and this being the last we'll see of Connery in the role...kinda. The story follows Bond as he fakes his death for reasons I'm not entirely sure of, and starts working more undercover to find out exactly how and why several spacecraft from both America and Russia have disappeared which leads him to Japan to face off against SPECTRE one more time. The film already gets brownie points for being in Japan but regardless the story is one of the finer early entries in the series, with very good pacing, characters, and a true sense that it attempts and succeeds the climax of Thunderball. Before we talk performances this has to be brought up, Sean Connery gives a very muted performance and it was during the production of this film that he decided not to return again as James Bond. He became very disillusioned with the role and hated he didn't have any privacy during the shoot in Japan, which I can fully understand and I hold no grievance or ill will towards him for his decision. Even when you can tell his heart is not really in the performance this time around, he still has good shining moments and as his currently last bout as 007, he still does very fine work. We have a double dose of Bond girls with Akika Wakabayashi as japanese agent Aki, and Mie Hama as Bond's wife (more on that later) with both actresses doing very good work despite not being fluent in English at the time and work very well alongside Connery. Tetsuro Tanba as Tiger Tanaka is another highly welcome addition to the list of allies in this series and is a joy to watch bantering with James. We have another Fiona Vulpe-esque villain this time played by Karen Dor who while not having much screentime is still memorable and fun to watch, with special love going to her acting with a certain white cat loving mastermind. Yes, this is the movie where we finally come face to face with SPECTRE #1 Ernst Stavro Blofeld, played to perfection by Donald Pleasence, and it sort of further pushes the fact that this feels like a finale to the series in some ways as we finally face off with the villain that has been plaguing James since 1964 and I love everything about it. What I do not love is the filmmaker's decision to make Bond undergo plastic surgery to look like a japanese fisherman. I can't even believe what I just wrote. Why?? It serves no purpose, he has plastic surgery done to him which apparently comes right off after a dip in the ocean, takes a "wife" who is just Kissy another agent working for Tanaka, it makes less than zero sense and it's filler if I've ever seen it. However on a more positive note, the film looks great as we sample both urban and rural areas of Japan, with plenty of little touches of their culture throughout. Apparently Ian Fleming grew quite fond of the country and had a great curiosity and affinity for japanese culture while he was writing the novel of the same name, and you get a good sense of that in this film which of course I love. Plus it doesn't hurt that not only does this film have one of the most incredible sets ever produced in cinematic history but the volcano lair siege is most likely the best and most large scale climax we'll see for the entire series. Everything about that set was real, no matte paintings, no models, no trick photography, just a legit massive set with working monorail, simulated rocket takeoff, and control center that cost one million pounds then but would cost lord knows how much if they did it the same way. It is astounding, and I feel it was a crime tearing down Ken Adam's remarkable set after filming wrapped. The script was written by Roald Dahl who some might know for Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Matilda, and James And The Giant Peach, who I felt did incredibly well and the director Lewis Gilbert knew how to shoot this movie with both excellent action sequences and gorgeous scenery. Excellent movie with only two hiccups in the grand scheme of things, and despite Connery's clear lack of caring at certain points his performance is really good. A slightly flawed movie that still rivals the gold standard. 4 stars, 8/10! So this was it for Sean Connery, the man who countless individuals claimed IS James Bond, so what do you do after the star has left to pursue other parts? Well we'll find out next time with the one hit wonder James Bond in On Her Majesty's Secret Service.

Thunderball

I'm not entirely sure why people say this is the best of all Bond films.

Not to say it's bad, the production values are higher than ever, the story isn't half bad, the performances are good, but it just doesn't have a lot of punch for me. We once again encounter SPECTRE as they hijack two nuclear warheads and hold the world ransom for 100 million pounds which springs our dear James into action, trying to track down the nuclear devices before the countdown ends. It's probably the most basic plot SPECTRE has concocted, but I've always had a soft spot for villainous organizations and it does lead to interesting elements in the story. This time we trek into the Bahamas and while it does look dazzling, there isn't much time to appreciate it since we're always on the trail of the warheads. This isn't bad by any means, the stakes have been significantly raised since the Lektor decoding device in From Russia With Love, and there is a larger scale climax no doubt due to the biggest budget yet in the series. I don't mind the underwater fight scenes, it's certainly a nice change of pace, but it does sort of drag. Serious props to Ricou Browning for the direction of those scenes, I mean who the hell else would you get besides Gillman from Creature From The Black Lagoon to help in crafting underwater combat? The cast this time is hit and miss, Sean Connery does fine but this was only the beginning of the end for him which we will cover more next time. Claudine Auger is not the most compelling of Bond girls but I do appreciate the character they do give to Domino and she does fine work. Though I personally wish we could have seen more of Paula, an american agent that James works with, mainly because you see there is history between the two and it really seems like they've worked time and again in the past which is something I would love to see more of. They genuinely have great chemistry together though all of their scenes together I could count on one hand, and it's just such a shame. Villains on the other hand are more miss than hit, Adolfo Celi as the eyepatch wearing second in command of SPECTRE does well with the material but there's hardly any intrigue in his character though I chalk that up more to the script than the actor. The shining star of this movie is the mesmerizing Luciana Paluzzi as the glorious Fiona Vulpe, not only is she ridiculously gorgeous but she proves to be a capable, cunning, and endlessly fun villain to watch, think of her as a proto-Xenia Onatopp. I won't actually delve into the behind the scenes of this film, partly because it is a very involved and very complicated matter that would take up so much time, and also partly because I have very strong feelings on the matter and I do not wish for this to deteriorate into a rant because I have 20 other movies to review. You can find the information just about anywhere, and all I will say is this was the most ridiculous thing that caused problems for the entire series for decades to come and I feel great sympathy for Ian Fleming during this time. I like it just as much as Dr. No if a bit less so I give it...2.5 stars, 5/10, I sometimes wonder why this was the most popular and loved film for a time. But the next movie is better I promise.

I highly recommend the review of this film by Calvin Dyson, a growing Bond reviewer on YouTube. I strongly agree with his opinions and his content is very well done so check it out!

Goldfinger

I'll try to not make any gold quips in this review.

Goldfinger is one of my absolute favorite Bond films and is easily my favorite of Connery's films, but why that is it's difficult to pinpoint. Granted the story is more grand in scale with James being tasked to investigate the totally british Auric Goldfinger which soon leads him to know of one of the most ingenious villain plots in history and one hell of a climax in Fort Knox. Most of the Bond movies are told loosely with meandering and intermediate action scenes throughout, but I think this film is one of the best, 99% of the scenes have a reason to be there and further either the story or the characters and all of it is interesting. You wouldn't think a golf game between James Bond and one of his more illustrious villains would be very entertaining but it is. Apparently Robert Shaw got Sean Connery hooked on golf during From Russia With Love and Connery's affinity for the game got into the script which is pretty neat. I'm positive at this point Sean Connery was undoubtedly James Bond, the evolution is complete and he just exudes coolness and charm in all of his actions, but when he needs to act like in say the lazer room scene he pulls it off brilliantly. I was stunned to learn that Gert Frobe was actually dubbed in his role of Goldfinger, it's such a perfect voice for his physicality and he really is the standard of Bond villains for others to match later on, and you can really tell he's having a lot of fun acting this role. Honor Blackman is a welcome change as the infamously named Pussy Galore, very capable and independent but regardless great fun to watch and easily matches Bond one to one. Harold Sakata is just possibly the most famous henchman in cinematic history, either it's him or Richard Kiel as Jaws, I mean the steel rimmed hat is iconic but his performance as this mute strongman is constantly fun to watch though in reality he was one of the nicest people you could meet. There's just so much to love in this movie, the action is wonderfully shot, we get the glory that is the Aston Martin DB5, Desmond Llewelyn has his first true Q scene which I have no problem saying that I will be looking forward to every last scene he is in for all the movies to come, the characters are as iconic as you can get in this series, there's plenty of intrigue and entertainment, the opening titles are amazing with Shirley Bassey rocking the ground I walk on, and is one of the easiest movies to watch on a lazy day. Seriously, if Goldfinger is on TV I will sit and watch it, it's always just a great joy to watch time and again. The only bad thing I could say about it is that barn scene, I mean...Jesus, talk about extremely uncomfortable. I mean yes it turns into something consensual but geez I feel like I need some disinfectant spray after watching that. Harassment aside, it wouldn't surprise me if this made it in my top 5 James Bond movies. It's an excellent movie that even if you're not a Bond fan you have to see! 4 stars, 8/10, and yes I would even give it a gold sticky star. So how in the hell do you top one of the highest grossing and most popular films ever? Well tune in next time for the fan worshipped epic, Thunderball.

From Russia With Love

Definitely improved since last time.

From Russia With Love is regarded by many to not only be the best James Bond film but one of the best movies in the spy genre period, and yes I do somewhat agree with that. Our story follows Bond as he is wrapped in the web of SPECTRE, attempting to obtain a decoder device with the help of a young woman named Tania who works for the Russian consulate in Istanbul, while one of SPECTRE's top agents is in pursuit of Bond across Europe to get revenge on the death of Dr. No and SPECTRE losing their favorite vacation spot. I do greatly like this film, no doubt it will be a contender for the top 10 when I summarize the whole series, but I think it's mainly the story and production that have had the best treatment this time around. It really does build this world of espionage so well, done in no small part due to introducing Kerim Bay played by Pedro Armendariz, one of Bond's allies who has a world of subterfuge which we learn in detail and it's one of my favorite things from the movie and Kerim is such a warm and friendly person it's difficult not to genuinely adore him. Not as rugged as Quarrel, but endearing in his own right. The story is very well told, with enough intrigue and surprises to entertain but not to the point where you lose track of the story which is something I appreciate. There's no exposition dumping here, just a well crafted spy thriller that I do enjoy more and more each time I watch it. Sean Connery delivers another great performance, given more to do this time around and comes more into his own with the character. Daniella Bianchi is lovely, though perhaps a bit too infatuated with James but nevertheless charming and has her own stand in the story. Robert Shaw is great in this movie, even though he hardly speaks a line but then again he doesn't have to, his physicality speaks for himself and is a formidable match for our dear James with one of the best close quarters action scenes in film history. I'm serious this fight is everything you've heard it to be, so well shot and edited, such palpable force in each punch and hit, and mad respect for both the stunt performers and Connery and Shaw in that scene. Once again the location shooting is excellent, and production designs while not grand are done very well, and it feels more like a well thought out production with everything done splendidly, and Terence Young proving his salt in the director's chair. Bit of trivia for you, originally the now famous gunbarrel sequence wasn't meant to be in this film at all but was added to let the audience know when the film began, so much thanks to this for setting the standard. Also, Ian Fleming the author of the James Bond series has a supposed cameo but I take that with more salt than I do the codename theory. All in all, this is a damn good movie in the series and one I can fully recommend to even casual fans and may even make you want to dig deeper into the franchise's history. 3.5 stars, 7.5/10, but next time dear ones we hit gold.

Dr. No

Screw you 2020.

Yep, the new James Bond movie hits theaters next year (whee) and regarding the fact I have zero income and f*** all planned after that inevitable change, I figured it was time to review every James Bond movie by EON Productions, starting of course with the 1962 movie Dr. No. As first films go in the longest running film franchise in history, it's not half bad though of course not having it's fully realized identity as it will in about two movies time. I will admit the story is a bit basic, concerning James Bond investigating the disappearance of a government agent in Jamaica which soon leads to the discovery of a shadowy villain intent on further advancing the organization known as SPECTRE's agenda in destroying american space probes. This very much is the quintessential James Bond adventure, charming rogue-ish hero, gorgeous girl swept up in the adventure, megalomaniacal villain with lavish lair, it's everything you would ever expect from a Bond film. Not to say it's bad or basic though, Sean Connery practically cements his role as James Bond in just one movie let alone the superior films coming up, Ursula Andress could quite possibly still be the most famous Bond girl 50+ years later, though our villain Dr. No is in my opinion criminally underused and I found Joseph Wiseman to be excellent and sets the bar very nicely. There's not as much action in this one and what passes for suspense with a tarantula is laughable nowadays, but I kind of chalk that up to a less than big budget, though the assets they do have are handled very well with gorgeous location shooting in Jamaica, excellent set design by Ken Adam, and the effects are very 60s but they still do the job. Quite possibly most prevalent in the opening titles which start of strong with the Bond Theme blasting accompanied with epileptic visuals before strangely switching to rotoscoped dancers and conga music, it's so damn bizarre like they couldn't make up their minds so they did everything. It's still an enjoyable film with certain things that I still love to this day. I think John Kitzmiller is one of the absolute best allies in the entire series as Quarrel and I enjoy every second he's on screen, there's a good little scene where Bond essentially rigs his room to where he can tell if people have been there which I really kind of wish we had more of in the series and it really does show his character, he's not paranoid but he is cautious in his line of work. The only bad thing I could say about it is the fact we have no real time with our main villain, we don't see or hear anything from him until the 40 minute mark in this hour and fifty minute film and don't even see him until there's about half an hour left of screentime which is a real shame because I genuinely think Dr. No is one of the best villains and the performance is what sells it for me, though the metal hands certainly don't hurt. It is very dated I will give you that, but that was just the style of film at that point and you simply just had to use the tricks of the trade that you could but it is sort of a running theme in the early films where it feels very, well...60s in terms of filmmaking. Absolutely no disrespect to Terence Young, but it is something unavoidable to talk about and could potentially disrupt the enjoyment of the film for some but it honestly doesn't bother me. It's a simple no frills first outing into the spy world of 007 and does a decent job with it. 3 stars, 6.5/10, but don't let my rating fool you because this was a massive hit, but where do you go from there? Well after President Kennedy named From Russia With Love as one of his favorite books the choice was clear. Until next time.

Highlander

30 years ago today, one of the most imaginitive, awesome, and all around amazing fantasy movies ever made was released. And I am a fan.

Highlander is a truly remarkable film, with a big cult following and it's kinda hard not to see why. Great creative story, fantastic characters, fascinating mythology, and the entire soundtrack was done by Queen. It really can't get much better than that. So what's the story? Christopher Lambert plays Connor Macleod an immortal, who has lived for more than 300 years. The film follows his life in 1980's New York interwoven with flashbacks of key moments in his life. The mythology of the movie is the focal point, setting the ground rules of all immortals, The Gathering where all the immortals meet and battle until in the end there can be only one, and the mysterious Prize. It really grabs your attention and gets you invested in the film. But not just the mythos, the characters are interesting. Christopher Lambert is a great lead, Sean Connery is a awesome mentor to Macleod, friggin' Clancy Brown is the most badass, hilarious, and threatning villain I have ever seen and I can never get enough of him! The soundtrack by Queen is perfect, cause they actually wrote the entire soundtrack for the film so it fits almost too well and they are damn good songs on their own. I highly recommend it, I am totally biased cause I love it but give it a chance. I think you might really like it. Great movie!

The Last Crusade

Yes the final Indiana Jones and the best! Because that fourth one is terrible and you shouldn't watch it.

So this fantastic final chapter of the Indiana Jones trilogy centers around Indy and his companions including his father Henry Jones played by Sean Connery as they search to find the Holy Grail. What's not to like about this movie? It's got James Bond, Indy kicking Nazi ass again, and a huge quest to find the Cup of Christ, it's awesome! If you ask anybody which Indiana Jones movie is the best they will either say Raiders or Crusade but most will say Crusade, and I can't disagree. Our story starts with young Indiana Jones when he recovers an ancient cross from some bandits in the desert. Our story then flashes forward only one year after Raiders Of The Lost Ark when he hears news that his father is missing, so he travels to Venice to try and figure out where his father is. He soon meets up with his father's assistant Elsa who takes him to the library where he was last scene, and through a series of clues they discover not the whereabouts of his father but a crypt containing one of the Knights of the First Crusade. Engraved on the Knight's shield is a clue to find the Grail. Very soon after they meet a secret order that protects the Grail and discover his father has been taken by the Nazis and taken to Munich. So they get to Munich they rescue his father and now the chase is on to discover one of the greatest artifacts in human history. It's got lots of action, very good comedy, intriguing history of the Grail and is just good fun and has a fantastic ending. Go buy these movies. Watch them. Love them.