Van Helsing

I was thinking of other films I've wanted to do and this has been on my list for about 3 years now.

I will go on the record and say I was a huge, huge fan of this film when it came out. I heard about it through my cousins and the more they described pieces of the film my imagination got bigger and more invested. I played the video game which was a lot of fun, I owned toys and stuff that now would be considered collectibles, this was for me. And it happened right around the time I was watching more classic Universal monster movies, so it all synced up for me. It's been about 10 long years since I last saw this film, and I still had a real good time with it and if anything I've come to appreciate it more over time. Taking the director of the Brendan Fraser Mummy movies and putting Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale fresh off their big success in the X-Men and Underworld series is kind of a genius move for that time and place in the world. So the story involves legendary monster hunter Van Helsing sent to Transylvania to assist in the destruction of one Count Vladislaus Dracula, while meeting up with resident monster slayer Anna Valerious as they come into contact with various reinvented classic monsters. I dig it man. I really dig it. The whole production, the casting, the story, it really hasn't lost it's luster for me. Yeah, there is some camp fun but it never takes anything away from the movie for me. The sets are outstanding, each one massive and detailed with camera work showing it all off in 360° long takes, and each one is memorable. Hugh and Kate are rightfully so, awesome leads and each actor fully takes it seriously, giving good performances throughout. Hell I even hear people claim Richard Roxburgh's Dracula is their favorite and stays true to the character above others, and bless them really and truly, I think that's awesome to show that actor so much love for this role. I know some people will give the movie a lot of bad mouthing considering the CGI, and while it gets plentiful near the end a good chunk of it holds up surprisingly well and look good for the time. I remember watching all the behind the scenes bonus features on the DVD back then and seeing how they did it all was really damn cool cause I rarely did that for movies back then, and you can very clearly tell they commited to how they wanted to do these effects and how exactly they pulled them off. Van Helsing is just a cool character and the fact he learns more about a forgotten life gives quite good investment to the audience and it's fascinating, the dynamic between him and all the players works very well I think. If only reviews were this kind back then, the film got panned and didn't perform well at the box office but recieved a second breath on video, and you bet your ass I would sit down for Van Helsing 2 in theaters. Christ, I want to fish out my PS2 from storage and play the game again after watching it. There be many good memories associated with this movie and I'm still a fan to this day. Nothing but 4 stars, a solid 7.5/10, seriously give it a watch. You may be surprised how much you like it and how many subtle references it has. But God help you if you want to take the drinking game and take a shot everytime someone says, "Oh my God.". Your memory will be wiped just like Hugh in this movie. See you tomorrow for one more.

X-Men 3 The Last Stand

Do I like it better than X-Men 2? I don't know man!

You know, a lot of people give shit to this movie probably more so of, ooh you didn't adapt the comics right, more than actual shoddy production or acting. I never got it and I still don't. I can see the perspective of some people when they say nothing happened in the second movie, plot wise it was very weak, and while I see it more as a character driven movie than a plot driven movie I can't call it weak myself. But here? So much happens. The government has manufactured a cure for mutants which raises some big questions, Magneto is forming an army, Jean comes back after her Wrath Of Khan death, shit happens in this movie. People die, lines are drawn in the sand, they do the Phoenix story which I hear so much about, it does kinda feel like a true end to the X-Men series. The actors sure treat it like that with Hugh, Patrick, Ian, and even Halle giving it their all for one last bout. I gotta give Halle major credit for this movie, she came off a terrible bomb of a movie and has a very passionate, strong, and take no prisoners attitude with Storm and I for one love it. She really does improve through each movie. It's a shame Alan Cumming didn't return but in his stead we have Kelsey Grammer as Beast. Holy. F***. I am going to be publicly executed by both Marvel and DC fans alike when I say, Kelsey Grammer was better casted as Beast than Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. Yes. I said that. This is coming from a man who for all intents and purposes has fallen in love with Hugh Jackman, that massive dork. If you ask me who my favorite X-Man is, it's Beast. You wanna talk cream of the crop? Good lord, that's some good stuff right there, yeah buddy. So story and cast get check marks from me, maybe if I was hardcore into the comics I'd go ballistic over the Phoenix thing but I can roll with it, she has a split personality and literally dusts people a decade well before Thanos. Huh, there's a standoff for you, Jean Grey full destructive Phoenix mode versus Thanos with the Infinity Gauntlet. I have no clue who would win that. Any well read and informed fans out there, let me know. Effects have improved once more, they throw the cars, do the wirework, blow stuff up so props once more to the effects department. But the CG looks mostly good, with stand out moments being of course the bridge scene and seeing the metal bones under Logan's skin. Pretty good work I must say and some credit must he given for trying out new technology to de-age Patrick and Ian. Do I feel that was necessary? Nope! It was a decent trilogy, set the bar for future Marvel movies especially for Marvel team movies at that, it genuinely was cool to go back and watch them again to solidify my opinion. For this one, I'd give it 3 stars, 6.5/10, in terms of pure entertainment the second one did it all for me. And we got one more week before the rematch of the century, and I'm backing my corner full force next week.

X-Men 2

I'm not calling it X2, it's never happening.

Hot damn this was really good! I expected the quality to go up just a smidge but son of a gun, this was a really good comic book movie. Every single aspect of production, story, character, and effects have been improved significantly. Great camera work, even better performances, the story worked very well for me, I genuinely think this will be my favorite of the trilogy. So the film picks up not long after the first movie with Logan searching for answers of his past, while a military scientist named Stryker hits the X-Men hard and forces them to retaliate. Good solid story, has easily one of the best openings to any comic book movie like ever, even I'm shocked to say this but when I stack it up to opening scenes for other superhero movies it's pretty grand! It kept my interest from start to finish, never got dull, never made me ask volley after volley of questions, they did it good and they did it right. All the cast does mighty good work in this, and you might be saying well of course they do, the main cast gets to spread their wings and build upon their performances but shit man, even Alan Cumming and Brian Cox are so good in this movie. The script is leaps and bounds better than the first in terms of character interactions and plot. The action while more sparse than the first, got a rise out of me from time to time, it looks really cool whether it be Magneto busting out of prison or the standoff between Logan and Deathstrike which was a great fight and appropriate that the stakes are raised. I have got to shout out to Alan Cumming and Rebecca Romijn, oh my God. Are these actors amazing or what? Alan is effortlessly perfect as Nightcrawler, and I may or may not ship him with Storm. But Rebecca man. I almost want to say she gives the best performance in both these movies. Did she even speak a line in the first movie? She barely speaks in this but I cannot believe how great she is as this character through sheer body animation, expressive eyes, and some good attitude in her tiny bit of dialogue. It's hard to think of anyone else as Mystique besides her and God bless her for putting up with that much makeup and prosthetics. Hugh has gotten more comfortable in the role, Ian is somehow more awesome than before, Famke gets some good stuff to work with, and Brian makes a good villain. Effects were handled just as well, good balance of practical effects and improved CG, the fights may be less than expected but it really didn't bother me at all. They played their cards right, and what an improvement over a 3 year period so they had a lot of time to iron out what they wanted to do and make it proper entertaining and very good. Back when movies took time with sequels, Jesus H. Christ I feel bitter about that to be honest. But jaded perspective aside, I very much liked this movie and it was genuinely truly better than I expected. 3 stars, 7/10! The funny part is this is the least watched of the X-Men movies I've seen, it was always either the first movie on video or the third on FX back then that I watched. If I was being brutally honest, pretty sure I've seen the third the most....and that includes Logan. I apologize for that. But I'm making up for it I swear, so see you tomorrow for The Last Stand.

X-Men

This has been coming, and I couldn't think of anything else to do.

It has been probably about...12 years since I have watched any of the X-Men movies and I've only seen the first 3, plus Logan. I don't think my opinion has changed much. And I saw this movie on VHS when I was like 7 years old and had no clue what the f*** was occuring. My expansive knowledge of Marvel included the Hulk, from the TV show and the Ang Lee movie, and the Sam Raimi Spiderman movie. That's it. And you better believe I was playing 20 questions every 30 odd minutes. I was so young I had no concept of the opening scene which Jesus Christ, what a grim way to open your film. F*** me. And I think the worst part is I still have zero idea what to make of the movie. Cause it brings up a lot in it's runtime and I still have questions. The plot isn't too busy though, Logan and Rogue are thrown into this academy led by Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise-D, as they learn more about Xavier, his students, and his frenemy Magneto played by the extraordinary man himself Ian McKellen. And my God the love triangle of Hugh, Patrick, and Ian is the goal of life, they have immeasurable adoration and respect for one another because of this movie series so I can never judge it too harshly. For a movie over 20 years old, and excuse me while I cry in a corner after saying that, it's not a horrible comic book movie. At the time this got a lot of praise, finally they made a live action X-Men show, oh my God I loved the 90s cartoon so this was a dream come true, it did pretty good. Does that still stand? No. But again, they were just starting off, comic book movies were in a massive decline and were oh so slowly clawing their way from the abyss, so I have to give it respect for taking a step towards the bright future where we are today. I think it's a decent adaptation of the source material, though I know little of it but I got the comic references, the actors do fine work and are commited, the effects are hit and miss but the practical usage in this movie I feel was done very well. It's not all flashy CG, you'd be surprised how much they actually do. You can tell there's wirework and breakable sets but I'd rather see that than a green screen. Do I think the sequels will improve in some ways? Oh sure. Hell I'll probably enjoy them more, maybe even give a higher score. But the first X-Men movie isn't horrible, it's a decent albeit average comic book movie that helped pave the way for better things to come. 2.5 stars, 6/10. It was weeeird seeing Hugh Jackman be skinny bollocks in the first movie, the guy has always been in good shape but he filled that role so much in the future (full pun intended), and you lord that casting choice forever over your wife Hugh, because you are too grand.

The Greatest Showman

Okay this is a hard movie to talk about, not because of some tragedy surrounding the film or because it's bad, but....because it's a musical.

Musicals are very hard to sell. Musical movies are incredibly hard to sell, they lack logic and are built on pure feels so this is your chance to take a lifeboat off the ship now and go see something else. For those of you who stuck around, I present to you The Greatest Showman, a film concerning the life of a P.T. Barnum that lived as a street urchin in the early 1800s who decides to bring joy to people and creates a sort of proto-circus. Always seeking for something better for him and his family, he reaches for the stars, stumbles, but regains his footing and ends all in all very happily. Now I am going to try to keep this brief, because there is always a lot to talk about in terms of musicals on film so I will just say, the visuals are outstanding with perfect framing, use of color, and editing. You attach yourself deeply to Mr. Barnum, and really want to see the best happen to him. Hugh Jackman is awesome, of course. Zac Efron was...good. I liked him in this movie, and that is coming from a guy who is not quite his biggest fan. All the supporting cast is great, but especially the performers in his circus, they are such endearing, human, likeable characters that I wanted to see all the time and wanted to know more about them. The music, oh God here we go. Rambling incoming!! With every musical I have ever seen, the music matches the setting, tone, and overall story. Phantom Of The Opera my favorite musical ever, the music fits the setting of the Paris Opera House, the time frame the play is set in, and the tone of the musical being romance based and dealing with the characters. It fits, it works, it does not seem out of place. The Greatest Showman has straight up 2017 music in a Victorian era setting. It does not work at all, though some of the songs are quite good. You can tell it is modern day music being used several centuries ago, and it feels wrong. Though I have not seen many musicals, never have I experienced this problem. Camelot, Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Producers, all films have their signature style of music and all work. Even Moulin Rouge did this and while I have not seen Moulin Rouge I can tell you the movie is meloframatic as hell and completely surreal and dreamlike, so anything goes with it because it embraces the absurdity and emotional crux. The Greatest Showman is a good movie, a decent musical, I liked a few of the songs, all the performances were spot on, but I know it is not for everyone. Musicals are not marketable to wide audiences, it died in the 60s thanks to Hello Dolly and didn't really come back until the early 2000s. I mean really, what was the last musical you saw in a movie theater? Not Disney, no animation, real people, real sets, singing away on multiple occasions. This is my first to be honest. Every other I saw on video! So it's rare to talk about such a movie and it's not easy to talk about. Though it does inhabit the medium of film (and I don't think this movie had a stage predecessor) it's like comparing a golden retriever to a zebra, it's two very different things. Now before I go, I do very extremely highly recommend you watch Lindsay Ellis' video essay on the 2004 Phantom Of The Opera movie. I had to watch it before I wrote my review, because of the information she gives would be crucial to my writing, and everything I did not say in terms of musical movies she does. I would have had this review up literally an hour ago but I needed that information because I don't do musicals often or hardly at all. I'll leave a link below, you only really have to stick around for about 15 minutes but the rest of the video is still extremely valid to view.

Lindsay's 2004 Phantom Essay: https://youtu.be/-m5I_5Vnh6A

Well that's it for me. Have a good night, morning, afternoon, whatever. And take what I took away from it all, do you, be you, do the things that bring you joy and hopefully it helps bring a little happiness into the world.

Chappie

It's high time we did this one.

Chappie is an incredible movie. It takes such a familiar concept of human like artificial Intelligence implanted in a robot body and makes it something new and amazing. So a programmer played by Dev Patel is working on a new AI that works like a human brain, and tests it on a damaged police robot, he gets roped in with this gang of criminals and they force him to use the police robot for their gain. The robot comes alive and starts experiencing new things, learning, and becoming the sentient being known as Chappie. That's the basics, but the movie does a lot with the concept. Chappie is a child, still learning about himself and the world he lives in which I don't think I have ever seen before. With most movies like this, the AI in the robots is above human intelligence and devoid of emotion. Chappie is the exact opposite, obtaining true consciense with a mind and soul like a human. It's not like Ghost In The Shell where the boundaries of human and machine are blurred, and the film asks what is it to be human, it's more about Chappie's life and the decisions that got him to where he is at the end of the movie. It's not a intellectual film, you're not supposed to answer questions but feel emotions. This is an emotional movie, you feel great compassion and want the best for Chappie, you feel love and passion and such enthusiasm from his creator and his adopted mother played to absolute sheer perfection by Yolandi Visser who brings well, heart and soul to Chappie, it's a character driven movie and brings so much to it. Performances across the board are all excellent, emotional attachment is strong throughout, just to see the few days of life in this one robot is something special and the film was just so dang good. I mean guys really, get out there and watch this movie. I can say without falter or doubt that not only is Chappie one of the best movies I have seen in awhile, but it is also one of the best movies ever made.

In Retrospect: Logan

I know, friggin' finally! Only took 8 years!

This is a hard ass movie to watch. Not because of the gore or the language, but I mean Jesus Christ guys this movie is depressing. Is it still a great movie? Absolutely, but by God you are sober when those credits roll. I have to admit I did not buy the blu-ray where you could watch the movie in black and white, but honestly I can just turn off the color on my tv so I know I can do it one day. But anyway, yeah. It's very fascinating going from the first X-Men movie with Logan being this wise ass, hard hitting, nigh invincible, SOB to this very broken down, very tired, slowly dying old man. I mean yeah, he still throws down and is awesome but it's painful to watch. I mean the poor guy looks like he's going to collapse just from taking a few steps and he gets all kinds of jacked up in this movie. I mean Hugh Jackman man, dude's already so lovable and just 8 different flavors of amazing, it's very hard to watch him in this movie because of how attached we've become in like what is it now, 10 years? I still can't get over that! I almost argue it's way harder watching Charles, because he's 90 years old, his mind is breaking down due to dementia, he has seizures which end up killing people. It's just a sad, sad movie to watch because of how much of a fundamental low point this movie is for these two beloved characters. And I think everyone should see this movie! This is a great character movie, I'm so proud to own it, the characters are great, the acting is what sells this movie, Dafne Keen is a walking death machine and yet I still want to squeeze her cause of how sweet she is, it's a heartbreaking conclusion to the character of Wolverine, and actually makes me want to read stories about him. I think that is the true intention of a comic book film, to get people interested in the original source material, for them to become die hard fans of a character. And you know what? I want to read Wolverine comics, because he's a great character, I'm going to miss Hugh, I love Hugh, he did perfect justice to the character, and this is his shining moment in film history. Oh sure, you could argue other movies, but this is a character he's been doing for 10 long years. So that means you get good performances and great character building because it's all done by the same guy. I miss you Hugh, we all do. I'd tell you to buy it but quite honestly, with how long it took me to get to this review you've probably already watched it about 10 times and don't even need me to ramble on so I'll just quit while I'm ahead. Tomorrow, we got another In Retrospect and I can say I am stoked for it. It's high time we get back to Angel Grove.

Logan

Screw The Shack, if you want a movie that highlights life, family, the sense of home, and the importance of helping people just go see Logan.

This is a damn good movie, highly deserving of the R rating it has, but still a good movie. Now granted I haven't seen every X-Men movie, so some things were lost on me but never once did it ruin my enjoyment of the film. So Logan has been living with Charles Xavier for several years, and they are soon in contact with another mutant named Laurel, we don't know too much about her but we learn more as the movie goes on and I thought she was awesome. She's a beast on the battlefield, and some might argue your tolerance and enjoyment of this movie hinges on this one girl, but I don't think so. She fits right in. But of course, bad guys are on her trail so Logan and the Professor need to get her to safety before she is used as a weapon against mutants and non-mutants alike. What really shocked me about the movie was not the stellar gore and action scenes but rather the more quiet moments, when Logan and Charles travel with this girl it almost seems like a family movie, it has that real heart and emotion to it and just for that alone gets two big thumbs up from me, but then you add layer after layer of story, character, action, drama, and just pure emotion that really does have you leave the theater satisfied and yet very melancholy too. Very good movie, despite the utter and not in any way possible good joke of having Deadpool at the beginning before the movie really begins. Oh God, if you left that out we wouldn't miss anything! But no! Use the Superman theme and have Ryan Reynold's ass on the screen. Just the right introduction to a surprisingly good drama with one of the best comic book characters of all time. Good job Marvel. Where's the alcohol?