Godzilla × Kong The New Empire

Good shit Adam!

Yeah, this was one of the more anticipated movies this year for me! Though you'd be surprised that I actually didn't see that much promotional material besides an odd poster and one trailer in theaters, so when I say I had no clue what was going to transpire it couldn't be more true. And what transpires despite how ludicrous the trailers make it seem, it doesn't feel too out there. Hell it doesn't even seem slightly out of tune with all the Toho Godzilla movies! Basically Kong is on the lookout for other apes in the hollow earth, while Godzilla is grinding levels like a beast and fighting over kaiju like it's friggin' Highlander or some shit, as newer threats are unearthed and our unlikely duo take up arms together. Bottom line, it's exactly the movie you would expect. I feel it's balanced just right in terms of outlandishness, to sum it up in one scene the humans perform dentistry on Kong who has an infected tooth. And somehow that sentence isn't too weird, and also that's a good gauge for audiences! I feel they severely pulled back on human characters streamlining the human plot, it's a relatively tiny cast and the majority are returning actors from Godzilla Vs. Kong. They also put more emphasis on the monsters, going for stretches where you just have to read the body language and vocalizations to understand what's going on and combining that with good amounts of subtitles, and this is a film that will not hold your hand and translate for the peanut gallery. I applaud and greatly appreciate the movie for doing so! I like the personality they give to each monster, how Godzilla has taken a liking to sleeping in the Roman Colisseum like it's a cot, how Kong kinda takes on a Kratos figure axe in hand and accompanying a small ape, and speaking of which I swear the creative team just made an ape version of Minilla for the little fella. The effects are expanisve as all get out, but look good and even with my strong vocalization for practical effects I understand this is how they had to have made the movie. It just goes to show how further each movie goes in letting the kaiju do what they do, they're not even afraid to do these effects in dark or limited visibility anymore. I don't need it to look lifelike. I was highly entertained, thrilled to see where the next potential movie takes us, and gladly give a big thumbs. Though mind you I think I've gazed into the future just a smidge, cause how the whole ape subplot goes in this movie reminded me strongly of The Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes trailer I saw beforehand and that's a movie I have conflicting feelings about but we got a minute before that. All in all it's a fun time at the movies, I couldn't bash it hard if I tried, I give it 3.5 stars, 8.5/10! Objective and unbiased as always, though obviously I always recommend seeing it for yourself. It's fun though trust me!

Bullet Train

Not my most anticipated movie but it was up there.



Something about the trailers hit me, and I was like oh yeah this is gonna be one of the better films of the year. Didn't disappoint to much all in all and I enjoyed it a good deal. So our story follows a member of an organization who doesn't actually kill people but people certainly die around him, taking a new assignment to retrieve a briefcase from a bullet train in Japan, but there's actual legit assassins on the train who all have their own orders and targets that merge with each other. It's a very complicated case man, a lot of strands to keep straight in the Duder's head this time around but it all ties together at the end so even if you forget a detail the film is polite enough to remind you. Hijinks most certainly ensue. It's not super flashy or different for different's sake in terms of direction and cinematography, focusing more on telling an entertaining and involved story rather than trying to flip the script and break new ground. I can respect that, and the movie does indeed have good shots, choreography, and humor throughout so it's not like it's a generic summer action movie. Though I do have minor quibbles here and there, obviously the movie takes primarily on a train so you don't get the sights of Japan from Tokyo to Kyoto (try saying that three times fast) but you get lots of other bits of the culture. Second, this is zero slam on the actress but Joey King man I hated her character, she's that antagonist who you just want to see meet a grisly end every second and maybe that was just because of my contempt but man I haven't felt hate for a character like that in a minute. Then again if you can get that severe a reaction out of an audience member, sterling performance, like well done madam! Third, this briefcase is purely a McGuffin I understand that and I like how it comes into play near the end, yet it didn't feel entirely pivotal to the plot and it has that Pulp Fiction grab of well what's in it? Nothing interesting I can tell you that, in fact I was expecting some Kill Bill-esque elements in it. No such luck. The cameos were a bit out of nowhere and of course all this bullshit springs from one guy, who I do not like as an actor but find passable as a person, I will try never to review his more popular movies, whose name I may or may not have brought up previously. F***ing guy. So far from perfect, but I'm very happy I saw it and could genuinely see it becoming a cult action hit. Brad Pitt is awesome, like ever since I saw him in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood my appreciation has grown and I love the idea of this reforming agent who doesn't like using guns and is a very open minded, easy going, inner peace kind of guy who can still throw down. Great character! Brian Tyree Henry, such a funny guy, who I can actually believe whacks people, and can pull off those emotional moments. Hiroyuki Sanada is always a joy to see and still rad, who has quite good comedic timing and I hope his fanbase flourishes more after being Scorpion in the newest Mortal Kombat movie. Before I go, just gotta say the funniest part hands doen for me was the anime mascot getting abused. I don't know why but seeing a giant anime catsuit just get punched in the face is just the funniest f***ing thing. Oh my God, you think that might have been some cathartic therapy for people who reeeeally do not like Pikachu or Pokemon? Could be. Overall, it's a solid movie and you can have a good time with it, it strings you along very nicely and never once gets boring or uninteresting. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10!

In Retrospect: Godzilla Vs. Kong

Let the good times roll!

Yeah the enjoyment factor really hasn't shifted too much, granted I noticed more contrivances and the one aspect of the film I really wasn't there for didn't improve like, at all. But I still stand by my very fan biased opinion, though on a purely objectionable basis this movie is a 7.5 to a 8/10, but f*** that this is my show and it gets that 10/10. So let's expand upon my opinions in no particular order. I payed a lot more attention to the soundtrack this go around, and while it is highly unconventional for a monster movie I had a real good time with it and hearing a smidge of Judas Priest was a treat. Effects still look good, the kaiju have weight to them and the hits feel rough and impactful, the fact the movie looked as good as it did when production was very much occuring during a darker phase of this world I must congratulate the effects team. I'm sort of mixed on the cast, not so much the actors with one crucial exception, but more the characters. I genuinely could see this movie not incorporate any previous actors from King Of The Monsters, kinda keep the fresh new cast angle this series has been doing since the start. I feel it would have worked better if we stuck to our 3 main characters and their journey with Kong, not to diss Millie or Kyle but they didn't really have to be here especially in Kyle's case the poor guy has like 5 scenes grand total of maybe 3 minutes of screentime. And Millie well it's good to see her but the means do not justify the ends in her side story. I know people gave Brian Tyree Henry some shit for his performance but he only aggravated me once, really you think some super ultra secret piece of tech is just gonna be laying about after an attack on the factory where it is housed? Stupid! I think he performed it well and while probably could have been written better I hold no grief towards him. The same cannot be said for Rebecca Hall. Sweet...God. This woman gave me nothing in terms of performance, the number of f***s given by her in this movie was almost below zero, I really cannot firmly grasp and convey my opinions on this character and performance but it's undoubtedly negative. Again, not hating on the actor here but I just wasn't feeling it. And now comes the part where I relieve you the little Kong warriors of the burden of your failed and useless arguments. It is astounding how much this film really nails it into your head that Kong would be the winner, you get more emphasis on him, you see his relationship with Jia, the character profess their need for Kong as some sort of savior, you see him return to his ancestral home and reclaim the weapon of his forefathers, everything points to him winning. But he doesn't. And I know. I know. The cases people are making for the lovable big ape. Well actually Kong never submitted and would have beat Godzilla. Well actually if Kong could beat Mechagodzilla, and Mechagodzilla beat Godzilla, then ipso facto Kong could beat Godzilla. Well actually it was a tie at the end, and they decided to go their seperate ways. Oh honey, bless your heart. He got his ass kicked, needed to be saved by the humans, and submitted. Twice. I will go full hardcore nerd beatdown on you, don't try it. I have the high ground! Even if Mechagodzilla was not part of the equation and we had the 3 round fight throughout the movie, Godzilla still was winning 2-1, and nobody wanted a tie again. But Dude clearly at the end of the original, Kong won even though they both fell into the ocean and there was no real decisive winner, because Kong was seen and Godzilla was not. Dream on hooker, I got news for you good buddy you're leading two things right now. Jack and shit, and Jack left town. It was a tie. But not this time. Hail to the king baby. I'm done busting your chops Kong fans, I actually really like him and I hope we see some more films with him. For the purposes of comedy. I'm not ever that serious. 4 stars, 10/10 despite the flaws and contrivances, goodnight everybody! You're a wonderful crowd and I'll be here all week, be sure to tip your waitress.

Godzilla Vs. Kong

Is it a 10/10? No. THE END

Now in all seriousness how was the movie? Well it certainly gets a thumbs up from me and while it may not be my favorite in the Monsterverse, I cannot deny the results were great. So it's been about 3 years in movie time since King Of The Monsters, Kong has been placed in a secure location on Skull Island, Godzilla has been pissed right the hell off and starts blowing shit up, and the humans are more or less trying to find truth to the hollow earth theory that's been cropping up in these movies. Now I know there's probably lots of people who are just like, "I don't care about all this stuff, I came here to see who wins." well genius this is what happens when you enter the fourth movie in a franchise! New shit has come to light man, they're ever expanding this Monsterverse with lots of cool new stuff. Believe you me, there is a lot to appreciate in this film. The sound design, holy fiery balls, is incredible and the fact that we actually hear things from the perspective of this little girl who is deaf really pushed it over the top for me. I dare even say she was my favorite human character in the film, but the other actors do fine work and treat it seriously. I'll have to keep my eye out for Shun Oguri who plays Dr. Serizawa's son, this was his first american film and I was so interested to see him in this. The effects are excellent, this film is not afraid to have color to the point where it's almost comic book-esque, Godzilla and Kong look outstanding and considering the shape of the world now I'm impressed with how they did it all. The fights are brutal, mutilating at times, with tons of moments that probably made my face look like I was having a stroke, and yes there is a winner. It may not seem like it when credits roll, but one Titan did yield and undisputedly lost no matter how you slice it. No one died, I knew that was never the intention, so they're both gonna stick around. The real question now is what comes next? This was kinda sorta the culmination of it all. 2014 Godzilla was a humble beginning to see if they could do it right, Skull Island reintroduced Kong and set the stage for future events such as these, King Of The Monsters still has a part to play but placed Godzilla at the zenith of the kaiju tower, now the dust has settled from the rematch of the century with both monsters still out there. I'm stumped beyond belief as to what happens next, I can't imagine how the creators feel. It didn't disappoint, gave me a lot of what I wanted, and was a highly enjoyable movie. 4 stars, 8/10, but the kaiju action never stops. See you next month.