Wednesday, March 8, 2023


No it is not sci-fi, I refute that to my dying day!

What the fuck? Why does this film not have a bigger fanbase? True I've heard less about this film than Hawk The Slayer, the only part I knew was the Glaive but I'm straight up impressed with this movie! It's such a shame this was a box office bomb because I honestly loved it, it's more your typical hero saves princess from evil lord story but how the movie goes about telling it all in a 2 hour runtime makes the difference between stereotype and originality. So the movie takes place on an alien world where an invading force known as The Beast and his army of Slayers (Brutal.) has taken root and decides to pillage the land, purge all life, and steal a quite beautiful red haired princess named Lyssa. A goal I can respect. But her man and newly appointed king Colwyn ain't having it and with the ever growing help of a hermit, a traveling magician, a band of thieves, a cyclops, and a mystical seer take the fight to the Beast's castle with a multi-bladed chakram known as the Glaive. It truthfully did not take long for me to get into this movie and in a technical sense this is easily the best looking fantasy film I've seen of the 1980s. They spared no expense on costumes, props, set design, pyrotechnics, weapons, visual effects, and pretty amazing animatronics! Combine that with natural scenery and sets that rival Lord Of The goddamn Rings, and you got yourself an always visually interesting world. The characters fit the roles they need to play, with particular love going to Ken Marshall as our hero, who has such undeniable charm and props to him for doing all his own stunts, and our friend Bernard Breeslaw rejoins us from Hawk as Rell the cyclops who's pretty badass and again respect for the actor who could not see a single thing but still nailed it. All the acting is really good and they treat it seriously which helps immerse you more. Man, we need to get our ass back to using practical effects as much as possible, it's movies like this that actually tax the intelligence of the filmmakers because they have to do this stuff for real and have to figure out how exactly to do it, but they succeed tremendously in my opinion. Perfect example, they have to show the villain's castle crumble and float UP into the air, how do they do that? They can't string the pieces together and lift them up, it's way too complex and wouldn't look good. Well they filmed the castle upside down and all the explosions that blew pieces off would fall naturally and voila! Brilliant! Actual thought and effort, mein Gott! Like I'm completely stumped almost to the point of rage as to why this film tanked so bad, it's a really friggin' cool movie! It wasn't cause of Star Wars, it released in May. What was the competition?? Jaws 3, Staying Alive, Risky Business? Get fucked. Maybe the advertisment campaign wasn't all that, but I don't care! Buy it, rent it, watch it! 4 stars, 8/10! Conan is next, and I request that you join me. If you will not join me next time...then to hell with you!

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