They Will Kill You

Not the greatest title, but a fantastic movie!

I knew a smidge more about this movie than Forbidden Fruits mainly cause I just saw the trailer when I was at The Bride and it immediately had my attention. Zazie Beetz goes forth and wrecks shit in a building full of satanists, that is the movie advertised and that is the movie you get! It still has enough twists to keep it interesting but man, shit hits the fan fucking FAST in this movie! It moves at such a quick pace and it barely took anytime for me to be seeped in the style, humor, and batshit insanity laid out. It has minutiae of horror elements but it truly is a, what I like to call a fuck shit up movie. You know, your John Wick's, your Nobody's, movies almost entirely action where people get their shit kicked in with increasingly creative possibilities. Zazie girl I haven't seen you in a long time and I will never get over you in this movie! Not only do I fully believe her action hero status but you instantly identify with her emotions and reasoning, it's tightly written enough to where they don't need to exposit much and you just get it. The style is practically dripping, you get swish zooms, flashback vignettes, lots of unconventional camera work, a soundtrack that got me fired up, and high pressurized blood straight out of a goddamn anime. It's undoubtedly Zazie's movie but all the supporting characters from Patricia Arquette to Myha'la to Tom Felton, they know how to play it and play it well. It's out there man and yet I somehow was still calling story beats, sometimes long before some plot detail was revealed, which either means that this was tailor made for me or maybe just maybe I've seen too many movies. Yeah I'll go with that one. But overall, I loved it, I think it's badass, and you know what? Ohh! Ohhhhh, I'm gonna do it!! 4 stars, 10/10, a full hearted recommendation through and through!

Return To Hogwarts

I would have sat for 5 hours watching this.

Big shock. I loved it. I'm so glad I watched it, I'm so glad they got everyone they could, and it is without question necessary viewing for all potterheads. It starts simply enough with some cute prelude to the documentary footage, as four chapters break down the 8 films with cast and crew discussing filming, the impact on the world, and most importantly the memories that were had. Now I know there's people out there howling their dislike based on "it's just nostalgia" but there is obviously some form of love and respect to this series to even begin with. They shoot on the real sets, the intercutting of movie footage, behind the scenes, and documentary footage is pretty good, and it's just fun and cute to see everyone back together. Obviously I can't recount every story and anecdote, but it does bring up stuff you wouldn't normally know and addresses facts of the production you may have forgot about. I spaced so hard on the fact that Emma Watson was going to leave the series halfway through, she was thinking about calling it a day and such a powder keg of a news story you think wouldn't have been forgotten. It's little nuggets like that which I loved so much cause you do hear it straight from the actor's mouth, they do reflect on it being 20 years since this franchise started and how it has affected them. There is an undying sense of love and family among the entire crew and cast, with the highlights of them being apparently Emma had a huge crush on Tom Felton and where has that been my entire life? That should have been in the movies, I'll make my own with Draco being a bad boy who can't voice his emotions clearly but he loves Hermoine, you'll love it. It'll be wild. Helena is off her f***ing rocker, I love her, I may or may not want the Daniel crush to be real, it's a thing of immense beauty and chaotic energy and I want you to acknowledge it. Jason Isaacs is still my love, my everything, he is (redacted), and forever will be in my heart. Of course it isn't all fun and unconditional love, they do reflect on these wonderful actors who are no longer with us. Richard Harris, John Hurt, Helen McCrory, Alan of course. And can I just say, hearing Jason and Tom talk about the most damn beautiful and perfect witch in the entire world, and seeing Tom break a little....that took my heart outside and pulverized it with a tenderizer. Like that was hard to watch. I mean we as fans were all devastated when Alan passed away, so how on earth did it feel for the people who worked closely with him for a decade? It would have been impossible to really craft a documentary around something this expansive with so much to talk about, it would have to be it's own series with a single episode dedicated to those we lost. And it was pretty tough seeing the behind the scenes stuff on the last day of shooting, I mean Jesus man Daniel had a full breakdown and I wasn't that far off from breaking myself. Personally speaking, as a 6 year old boy introduced to a land of magic and great characters, though I wasn't super hardcore into it did love it a lot and certainly as years have passed my appreciation has expanded greatly. It's gotten so many kids into reading, it's swept several generations in it's wake, and has forged a fandom the likes only to be rivaled by Star Wars and Lord Of The Rings. I mean that's pretty remarkable to say the sheer least. And they did it. The crazy bastards actually did it. They ended it with the line. You fu- how could you do this to me man? Whatever, 4 stars, 9/10.

Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince

I think we found the new champion.

When a movies is so good that I watched it twice before writing the review, clearly there's something I loved. I do genuinely feel The Half-Blood Prince is the best of the Harry Potter series and it'll be tough to top with only two film left. There's simulatenously a lot that happens in this movie and yet very little that happens, I doubt it could properly be summarized but basically Harry is back at Hogwarts mainly helping Dumbledore learn more about Tom Riddle's past and a certain type of magic that keeps him for all intensive purposes immortal, and slowly working through this mystery while doing classes, doing the romance thing again (less gross this time I swear), and keeping an eye on Malfoy who has taken a strange turn. I loved every moment on screen, this definitely makes the ending to Goblet Of Fire look like a Disney film, it's the darkest of the series and not just in content. The whole film is very darkly lit, there's a lot of shadows, and muted colors that compliment the film incredibly so. Though I do highly recommend you watch it in a dark room. I heard tale that Daniel hated his performance in this movie but I think he did quite well, granted he puts up with a bit of stuff in this movie but the performance is strong and it's nice to see Harry one last time as a happy and fun student before the real adventure begins. But I have no issue saying this film is built on the supporting cast. We get so much Dumbledore in this particular movie, whereas in previous films he might have 2 or 3 small scenes but he's in this quite a lot, with Michael Gambon giving his best performance with humor, wisdom, and that unresistable likableness. Tom Felton same story, few scenes here and there but given more attention and puts in a strong performance as Draco, and I have to say I want to know what happens next for him. We get Jim Broadbent (still best dad, sorry Mando) as a Slytherin potions teacher who despite his house is a kind, considerate, and respectable wizard and Jim does great work like always. Alan Rickman, gahd bless it Snape finally gets to be the DATDA teacher and we don't even get one scene of him teaching. And that is the true tragedy of Severus Snape (it's a joke Potterheads relax), but every word that man speaks is like a magnetic force and I'm just sucked in even more with the story and characters. Though I must admit even after all this time, I always still can't believe that ending. Every time! Every time it gets me! But I know what happens, and it doesn't soften the impact! Could you imagine if it just went to credits after that cut to black? People would have lost their marbles in that theater, ohhh my God how earth shattering would that ending have been. But I know they couldn't have, we got to set up the next movie I know. But come on! You know what's really funny? If you asked me like...5 or even 10 years ago what happens in The Half-Blood Prince I couldn't tell you a damn thing. For some reason I just never remembered this movie as much as the others, the only things I remembered were, Ron gets a yandere girlfriend, something about an Unbreakable Vow, spooky scary skeletons in a cave, oh yeah the water trial thing, annnnnd....the shocking end. No Bridget's dad, no Quidditch, no cool Tom Riddle flashbacks, no Snape (HERESY!), no potions book, or that really screwed up shot of Malfoy just bleeding to death I mean Jesus God! Why? I. Don't. Know. I even saw it in theaters, in fact it was a tradition that my mom and me, regardless of whether it was a school day or not, we saw the Harry Potter movies from Chamber Of Secrets onward opening day. Every one of them, so apparently my memory was worse then than it was now. Somehow. Oh there I go again rhyming. I gotta wrap this up, bottom line best film of the series, 8.5/10, 4 stars would give 5 if I could on that scale, wonderful movie and I loved it! Until next time.

Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone

It's been 84 years. What? It's only been 19? Well I still feel ancient!

I have not seen these movies in so damn long, we're talking almost a decade since I last watched every single Harry Potter movie. I will fully say I was born at the perfect time because I was 6 almost 7 years old when this movie came out but also Lord Of The Rings came out, high fantasy was everything I breathed for a good long while during this time in the early 2000s. I was very pleased this movie held up as good as I remembered it, I mean obviously there's something truly special here because look at the literal armies of Harry Potter fans in 2020. It's unreal what these movies did to the world at large and to cinema period. It's a spectacular start to one of the best and most beloved movie sagas of all time, and it really did get me in that mindset that I was seeing something magical even after all this time. I don't think I need to divulge heavily into plot because these movies are practically known from birth but for the uninitiated, a young boy discovers on his 11th birthday that he is in fact different from his truly horrible family and that he has magic in his blood before being taken to the finest school of witchcraft and wizardry in the world where he meets friends, learns about the wizarding world, and comes across a threat from the past. I couldn't dream of better worldbuilding if I tried, every aspect of the magical world from wands, to broomsticks, the various details of Hogwarts, and so so much more is told damn near perfectly. It draws you in instantly from the first scene (I still want that Deluminator.) and you want to know more about the world, learn everything you can because it's so dang cool and so interesting. The characters are timeless with very good acting from such young kids and you grow to like them very quickly and get invested in their characters, but lest we forget true powerhouses of cinema as the instructors. Now I actually love Richard Harris as Professor Dumbledor just a smidge more than Michael Gambon (though of course I still adore Gambon's performance) and I was truly upset at his passing, I do see Dumbledore as a more sagely Merlin character with great wisdom and teachings though Gambon completely pulls off the most powerful wizard in the world edge. Maggie Smith is a joy as always and I'm so happy I get to see her all throughout the week. But best performance, the whole movie, hands down, maybe even the series, Alan Rickman. Hot buttery jam I love that man! No one knew what to make of his character for years in these films, least of all me, but there's no denying he has the best material to work with in the long run. I thought the effects were done very well, only using CG when absolutely necessary and while it's certainly not the best I've seen I'm gonna cut the film released in 2001 some slack for the computer graphics. But the sets, creature effects, optical effects, all done excellently. The music by John Williams is unbelievably good! Couldn't ask for a better score if I tried, and I will fight anybody on this but the best music in the whoooole series is the tiniest musical cue but sweet baby Yoda, the music that plays when Ollivander picks the right wand for Harry....aaahh! So good!! This is a great movie, I know the books were about halfway done when this movie began production so they had that foresight to implement exactly what they needed to tell in future stories. There is so many threads introduced in this movie that get paid off with each consecutive film, the MCU looks like f***ing omnishambles compared to this series, they had to make stuff up as they went along with only a rough roadmap and occasionally tie it in, this was carefully created so that each movie could build on the last and make a better experience. It really did change the culture of that time, my God you couldn't go anywhere without something Harry Potter related. I'll admit I was into it, I had dragons, owls, letter writing sets, and found my house on good ol' Internet Explorer (PS. I was a Gryffindor back then, but now I'm split between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw.), though I never had a wand. I really, really wanted one but I never got one. We might need to fix that soon. Regardless, I was a huge fan then and I'm still a fan now, this is a great movie and I predict that each movie will only get better and better. 4 stars, 8/10! I'm sure this fandom will last for ages, and I am there for it man.