Friday, June 9, 2023

Transformers: Rise Of The Beasts


The universe did me a solid, it wasn't bad! It was good and I'll take it, I'll fucking take it! Bumblebee still reigns supreme but as a continuation set 7 years after that movie, set in 1994 with a new human cast and a good few new entries for the Transformers, I feel it was decent. So what's the story this time around? Right off the friggin' bat Death Star wannabe Unicron is hunting for a relic able to transport him across time and space no police box required, so as per usual Autobots need to find it first, some humans get swept up in the madness, few fights, and victory huzzah! Okay I'm simplifying and painting in broad strokes but you know what you're signing up for and the movie does tell it well, the human story is actually bearable and has some heart to it. I genuinely liked our mains Anthony Ramos and Dominique Fishback, they were decent characters and while they accept and role with this giant robot war premise quickly hey we need to have a movie somehow so no points deducted. I must admit though being an individual who really is a Transformers noob the whole Beast Wars thing, while indeed on TV when I was little little I never watched it so this like so many other people was my introduction to these characters. I only had one small gripe and by all means let me know but why do they have patches of fur? I mean I know, I know! Seven damn movies in and I'm questioning robot anatomy but I was very confused by this. In fact I really only had two major complaints with this movie but it crosses the neutral zone into spoiler territory but you'll definitely know it when you see it. But the good stuff does outweigh the bad! Peter Cullen, awesome as always and somehow after all this time still utters lines that cascades goosebumps down my body. Oh yeah, I called the "Till all are one." and guess what? Fanboyed just a teeny bit. Ron Perlman as Optimus Primal, no idea that was him but a very good solid character that would be a welcome return in the future! Peter Dinklage as our main baddie Scourge, again no clue that was him but had a great villain voice and maybe it was just me but his vehicle mode looked uncannily like the big rig in Duel. Nice. The 90s man, they really shove as much as they can as often as they can and I'm not sure if I like it or hate it, cause pretty much when they globe trot it looks exactly like a modern Transformers movie. I'm split, but I simultaneously applaud them for not throwing one or two references and committed to it. Action was well shot and everyone was identifiable, humor didn't do much for me but other people liked it and it wasn't eye bleedingly bad, I liked it just fine and I know next movie we're picking up after The Last Knight. Can you do me a real solid and just blast that Unicron theme, you teased me and I really liked it. Now just flood my earholes in that theater and make me scream....I've said too much. 3 stars, 7/10! Goodnight everybody!

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