Wednesday, April 19, 2023

Evil Dead (2013)

I don't really know what I was expecting but I figured it would be wise to cover my bases before the new movie hit Friday.

Now I'm not what you would call a mega fan of the Evil Dead movies, I like the first one, I love the second one, and I really like Army Of Darkness. I haven't heard much in the decade since this movie's release, maybe seen a trailer, but this was very much a blind first viewing. And how I wish I could say it was a good movie. I can't even say if it's a remake or a semi-sequel, it seems much more like a reimagining. A group of friends or more I should say a support circle arrive at the infamous cabin for a young girl named Mia who's been struggling with drugs, and of course they find the fruit cellar, poke around, and find a book clearly NO ONE WANTS THEM TO READ! I will give you a hint what transpires, blood. It's not a good sign when a group of five characters in search of an exit are presented and only two of them I like. One of them being friggin' Tabitha from Gotham, and Mia herself. The rest, which unfortunately, we center on for the majority of the film I cannot stand in the least. You're probably familiar with a certain trope of horror movies that concerns very dumb people, yeah there's a bit of that here. It...God almighty, I was so over it. I know you gotta speak the words for the spooky shit to occur but this was egregious man, I mean purposefully out of the way for one of these fucks to know the words and then inexplicably say it out loud. At least it kinda worked in previous movies cause it was on a tape recorder and they didn't know necessarily about the Necronomicon, but this shit heel finds it wrapped in plastic and barb wire, sees the skin bound binding, with seven inches of satanic panic thick pages with clear evidence of blood and he just keeps fiddling with it. How There's so many bad decisions to be found here. So yeahhh, story is okay but the characters butcher it more than any deadite ever was. However, all is not lost cause holy shit balls! The effects, top tier, 10/10, it's gnarly! I mean wowww the gore is insane and I'd say 99% of it is done all in camera for real for real, all practical baby! So color me grossed out and beyond amazed. Not a great reliance on jumpscares too so hey brownie points for that. I like the look of the film, undoubtedly modern but has a crisp clear cinematography where it mixes a tinge of atmosphere, eerie lighting, and rich blood spewing. It's a grotesque film and the demons or deadites or whatever go for straight horror and do a decent job of it. But is it enough of a saving grace for the movie? Well just as a tribute let's do those drive-in totals, we have: 4 undead bodies, 1 dead dog, brain bashing, glass stabbing, possesed foliage, bloody rain, pyromania, arms roll, hands roll, nailgun-fu, needle-fu, chainsaw-fu, 2.5 stars check it out. I'd personally skip it but if you can find a special effects highlight reel online, you will see craftsmanship of a rare breed. 5/10, I'm honestly terrified to see Evil Dead Rise cause boy this week has not been kind in the movie department. I beg to all the forces of the cosmos, both good and ill, let the next movie be decent. It holds promise and looks decent but that has yet to be decided by me.

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