I'm probably gonna have to fight on trial to retain my critic's licence.
I don't actually hate Jaws The Revenge, I don't think it's that bad a movie, I know this is coming from the guy who said the Star Wars Holiday Special had a few good things going for it and I did enjoy those bits but just bear with me. Now, does that mean everything works and is good? No. We're already off to a great start when the writer of this film didn't watch a single movie past the first one, and I could possibly argue this movie is a sort of Halloween 20 Years Later where the sequels are ignored and it's just the first and last movie that count. I'm not. You wanna define lazy writing? Try being a writer that did not brush up on previous info specifically for a sequel. And yet, while the actual shark aspect of this movie is in severe what the hell territory, the rest is pretty good! So Sean is now a police officer in Amity, so much for hating water one movie ago, and he gets offed by the shark in the first maybe 10 minutes of film. You know, that cute sweet boy from the first movie who mimicked his dad at the dinner table? Horribly eaten alive. Yeah, I didn't like it either. So Ellen Brody is just devastated beyond words, and Lorraine Gary who came out of retirement for this movie f***ing acts her goddamn heart out in this movie! I am real with you man, if this movie cut out the shark and replaced it with just her son being murdered and she's trying to get past it and find some solace in her life I would watch the hell out of that! The gloves are off and she knocks it clean out of the park! So Michael gets Ellen to visit in the Bahamas where he lives and she meets a pilot by the endearing name of Hoagie played by Michael Cane and a romance blossoms in a natural and rather sweet way. But it can't all be romance and beautiful weather, and the shark trails her from Massachusetts to the Bahamas (...okay) to hunt her and the family there. I...I got nothing, I mean it's already beyond ludicrous but then they compound it even further where I swear they give Ellen some mind link/ESP/force connection to this fish, so everytime the shark strikes she stops dead in her tracks like she knows. Now, I am no screenwriter, I don't write stories or movies, but I'm just saying. What the hell. It's not the bestest of things when I say, oh Jaws 4 isn't that bad when the shark isn't on screen. Maybe that's just me enjoying these characters and Jaws 3 just failed to appease me, but it is the best parts of the movie. You got Lorraine Gary, Michael Caine, Halloween 2 and The Last Starfighter lead Lance Guest, even Mario Van Peebles are just solid actors and have fun with the roles but commit to it fully. I think they are just fun to watch and easy to get invested in. For a movie clocking in at 90 minutes, it friggin' flies by which I'm sure for most people is a blessing, but it felt like I put the movie on 15 minutes ago and the movie was halfway over so it obviously keeps the pace just right. The body count is pathetic, they still got blood in there though so small victories where you can get them, the shark is the worst it has looked yet I do appreciate how much you see it from head to tail and they don't hide the animatronic parts though it is still obviously a motorized puppet. The scenic landscapes of the Bahamas played by special guest star Hawaii, are really nice and I find it interesting the movie takes place around Christmas but you'd never know. Christ, maybe I need to get my ass down to the Bahamas come December, not a tree or light in sight. It's better than 3, but that's about it. Hell the fact I didn't end this week sucking down daiquris and mixed drinks, hating Universal for money grabbing tactics, and just being in a foul mood is good enough for me. 2.5 stars, 5.5/10, and next week if all goes well I got a trilogy for you but not at all from where you would expect.