Wednesday, July 6, 2022

Jaws 3

I think this is where it starts getting bad.

As much relative positive things I had to say about the second film it really opened the floodgates for sequels. So let's do the time warp again, with Mike Brody all grown up now working for SeaWorld with his girlfriend when inexplicably another great white pays a visit and wreaks some havoc in the park. You may think there's more to that and I just summarized but truthfully what you see is what you get. This film kinda aggravated me man, I mean there were a handful of things I liked which I of course will rattle off but certain things sure irked me the wrong way. First of all, if I had a run in with not one but two great white sharks I would not work with sea life or be near the sea yet Mike for no explained reason works in such conditions, I could at least sorta buy if he had a line or two like "Yeah I had encounters with sharks before and I wanted to learn more about them, and then it got me fascinated with what lives in the sea so now I do this.", very simple stuff but I don't buy it. Really, there's like 3 people I like in this but the rest are really dumb. For example, so we the audience know a shark has breached the premises, one of the workers does not and is tasked with fixing a broken gate underwater. Now what time would you undertake such a task? I would prefer an ample amount of daylight, but the guy goes under at SUNSET. Have you ever swam underwater at sunset or later?? You can't see diddly dick! It's a miracle if you can see farther than the end of your arm, shark or no shark, stupid! More idiocy follows this, so the guy gets chomped big shocker I know, and time passes and after knowing very clearly there is a man eater at their park (and not the hey hey variety) and just so coincidentally people ask where this guy went to with no credit cards, clothes, or belongings, and precisely no one fits those puzzle pieces together! Hmmm, why is this circle block not fitting into the triangle hole??? Are you taking the f***ing piss mate? Good God man! I could go on, but I got more stuff to talk about and I'm tired. Let's talk good things, Bess Armstrong is the best part of the movie period. I 100% buy she works with marine life, is good at it, and she brings such a warm smile to my face. The actual relationship between her and Dennis Quaid is quite honestly cute, sweet, and surprisingly effortless. If they ever for real dated, I wouldn't be surprised. Lea Thompson in her first ever movie role is nice to see and she's a bit of fun. And guess what? The younger brother Sean, he moved to f***ing Colorado and does not like water, we know who got the smarts of the family now don't we. Thankfully the movie isn't being a little bietch about blood anymore, honestly it probably has more than the first and shows off some gory details well enough. I kinda liked seeing SeaWorld circa 1983, and though I haven't went since I was but a wide eyed, innocent, non-bitter boy I thought it was interesting in a time capsule sort of way. Speaking of time capsules, I think this movie solely existed because of Friday The 13th Part 3 which came out the previous year, Universal saw it and was like yeah we can do our own! The 3D sucks, somehow more obliviously obvious than Friday Part 3 as well. They even steal a shot! Robbing bastards! They steal the 3D harpoon shot, for crying out loud. I could make a game where every time there is a 3D shot drink for the duration of the 3D shot, just start swigging until it stops, but I doubt your body would thank me. Shark effects aren't great, I'd say it's roughly tied with 2, and all the effects in general are mostly passable with some rough spots, including the infamous glass break sequence. It's almost so bad I love it. Almost. I can see people say it gets boring cause a lot of screentime is spent with these characters, but the acting isn't bad honest to God and I was gravitating to parts of it like the romance, everyone feels dedicated to the material, so well done for them. Plot is paper thin but I can't say I expected much. Direction is decent, maybe doesn't even have that faux Spielbergian quality, but it works fine and well. I am ever so slightly nervous about Jaws The Revenge, cause it could feasibly rise above the depths of Jaws 3 or it could sink deeper than Atlantis. I...oh God. Alright, I'm keeping an open mind! See you next time. 1.5 stars, 4/10, this 4th of July sucked even harder than this movie.

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