They Will Kill You

Not the greatest title, but a fantastic movie!

I knew a smidge more about this movie than Forbidden Fruits mainly cause I just saw the trailer when I was at The Bride and it immediately had my attention. Zazie Beetz goes forth and wrecks shit in a building full of satanists, that is the movie advertised and that is the movie you get! It still has enough twists to keep it interesting but man, shit hits the fan fucking FAST in this movie! It moves at such a quick pace and it barely took anytime for me to be seeped in the style, humor, and batshit insanity laid out. It has minutiae of horror elements but it truly is a, what I like to call a fuck shit up movie. You know, your John Wick's, your Nobody's, movies almost entirely action where people get their shit kicked in with increasingly creative possibilities. Zazie girl I haven't seen you in a long time and I will never get over you in this movie! Not only do I fully believe her action hero status but you instantly identify with her emotions and reasoning, it's tightly written enough to where they don't need to exposit much and you just get it. The style is practically dripping, you get swish zooms, flashback vignettes, lots of unconventional camera work, a soundtrack that got me fired up, and high pressurized blood straight out of a goddamn anime. It's undoubtedly Zazie's movie but all the supporting characters from Patricia Arquette to Myha'la to Tom Felton, they know how to play it and play it well. It's out there man and yet I somehow was still calling story beats, sometimes long before some plot detail was revealed, which either means that this was tailor made for me or maybe just maybe I've seen too many movies. Yeah I'll go with that one. But overall, I loved it, I think it's badass, and you know what? Ohh! Ohhhhh, I'm gonna do it!! 4 stars, 10/10, a full hearted recommendation through and through!

Forbidden Fruits

Fuck me this movie infuriated me.

It's not even bad, far from it actually! But holy fuckaroli did half our main cast just piss me off, which in all reality means the performances were damn good. If someone can make you run a gambit of emotions with a performance including rage, that is a great performance! So the story goes a new girl who works at a mall is quickly inaugurated in a bitchy coven where over the course of several months it starts breaking down and ends in blood. Props for all the Texas love, but I'm still iffy on this film. Let's just get into the nitty gritty here folks, the cast. Major hardcore props to all the actresses who bring so much personality and even dramatics to the role! We have Lola Tung as new girl Pumpkin, and I was not expecting her arc going from a rather sweet and inexperienced at life girl into for lack of a better word the second worst monster of the film. Cause you think oh she's gonna challenge the hierarchy and be a positive force who eventually will have to fight the head of the coven but she degenerates into a blackmailing and sort of still complicit member so there is no catharsis found there. Then we have the bane of my existence Apple played to stunning perfection by Lili Reinhart. This...fucking...****. It has been ages since I have utterly despised a character more, a true masterclass in manipulation, fear mongering, bitchiness, and pure control freak behavior. It's truly a marvel to behold and once again no catharsis or justice found with her journey, which nearly made me torch the theater. But like I said, fantastic performance to even illicit such feelings so brava to you my dear! Then we move onto to Alexandra Shipp as Fig, who really is the first fracture in the coven wanting to branch out and do her own thing and her brief moments of relationships and interests were nice to see, and Alexandra was a joy to watch! Last but not at all least we have Victoria Pedretti as Cherry who at first seems like a total ditzy blonde but has the largest arc and really is the star of the dramatics due to her character's tragic past, just damn she really kinda swept me off my feet and easily was my favorite of the group! Well done and high praise to all these fine actors who really and truly carry the film in it's entirety on their backs. But yeahhhh, I was not thrilled with where this story went. It moves at a brisk pace and has decent production values with some good gore effects, pretty decent comedy, hell I was digging the shit out of the soundtrack, and a message I've never truly seen in cinema: Toxic femininity. But I'm so split down the middle with it! In terms of production it's like a 7.5/10, but in terms of enjoyment it's like a 3/10. So what the hell do I even give this? It's not a movie I'd really watch again, but that doesn't mean it's bad. It's not, it is a very well acted, well directed movie that just so happened to make me rage at a screen which I haven't done in a long while. It's certainly memorable! So ehh, I'll give it...2.5 stars, 6.5/10, with a caveat the size of the goddamn Grand Canyon.

Happy Anniver- Oh...

Maybe I should retire. I know I was busy and dog tired but what in the actual shit is this?? Never have I ever forgotten my own anniversary, I might as well divorce myself now. And on that bombshell...I'm just joshing you, I wouldn't end it like that. But yeah man, jeez 11 years now and while I'm still very much operating in the background it's good to still be going. I don't know if I'll do a standard week of reviews every month but it's not a horrible idea. I will say we got two new movies to review this week so that'll be fun but I'm just hoping for a healthy amount of new releases. I'd also like to just do what I do best, rant and ramble, maybe do another EVOTIC or ruminate on the state of now vs. then like I often do in real life. I didn't think I'd ever truly get this far, past a decade now but time, as Seal would say, keeps slipping into the future. Shoot it'll be the birthday month before I can even blink and I got a little something something that I hope I can lock the fuck in for cause this has been on my list for at minimum 8 years, I honestly can't believe I haven't done it yet. So if the stars align and life is kind we're gonna talk some Batman Beyond. But that is the future and we are right now, slightly late mind you but all we can do is take it one day at a time and try to make the most of it. It isn't always easy but I have faith in you, and like me you probably got some groovy things to look forward to in the not too distant future, so stick around. You may be surprised how it all turns out. I'll see you on the weekend and if we're lucky we'll have some far out cinema to talk about. Until next time.

Project Hail Mary

Sweet baby jeezus, this was a lot better than anticipated.

Granted I kinda forgot this movie was coming out, knew diddly squat about the book, and was expecting a decent film but I'll be damned if this isn't Top 10 material for the year. Centering on a science teacher who gets roped into a government operation in an attempt to stop a previously unknown lifeform from dimming the sun quickly makes second contact with another alien as a shockingly endearing and lovely friendship blooms. Bare bones plot, fantastic fucking movie. I can't believe how well all this is balanced cause it is a heavy plot and takes as much time for the drama as well as the humor and it is easily one of the quirkiest, sweetest, most fascinating movies I have ever seen in my life. It grips you right off the hook with a fair bit of mystery but relatively quickly stars feeding you backstory throughout the picture, giving you the necessary backstory and information, which is impressive. It never gets boring and is a very artsy film in terms of cinematography, I'll be talking straight out of my ass if I said I was never invested. Like this is the movie that I desperately needed, some truly positive even dare I say life affirming sci-fi without even a shred of saccharine or pulled punches emotionally. Goddamn movie nearly made me cry seeing Ryan Gosling talk to a rock creature, and a surprisingly emotional karaoke scene that I have not seen the likes of since Lost In Translation. I'm kinda speechless honestly how this movie not only submerges you in the emotion but keeps you trailing along every story beat with baited breath. Ryan Gosling I continue apologizing for not knowing your game, as he delivers a great maybe even award winning performance in my estimation. Fantastic stuff. But the movie wouldn't be complete without James Ortiz as our resident alien affectionately named Rocky who effortlessly stole my heart and was really the part of the movie that grabbed my attention to even want to go see it. They spend a good bit of time hurdling the language gap but with sharp writing and good humor it never feels like a slog, and the bonding time is essential. The movie never forgets about the crisis but you almost kinda wish it did just so you could see these two hang out even more. Hell yeah I wanna see humans make galactic friends, and it's so strong I...almost kinda see them as a couple! Not anything as base as mates, but something far deeper and more caring. I'm still baffled how they pulled that off but I sure as shit ain't mad! I just wasn't prepared for how damn good this movie really was, and I know that probably influences expectations so don't take my word for it and just go see it for yourself. I love the relationship dynamics, I love the visuals, the score from the drums to the choir is perfect for the film, the creativity of the camera work is right up my alley, and it practically injects 50ccs of dopamine straight into my bloodstream. Especially the ending, God almighty that is an ending I have wanted to see done in a sci-fi movie for decades. I'll be stunned if there's a more feel-good movie of the year after this, I really will. I have no reservations when I say 4 stars across the board, 9/10, big thumbs up from me! It's really moments like these that have kept me going for almost 11 years come next week, I love when I get movies that look interesting and just blind side me with how great they are, but hey that's just my opinion. You gotta go see it for your own. But you may be surprised how much you dig it, and I'll see you next week come what may.

The Bride

Okay first new movie of the year finally.

I'm a bit lost for words I won't lie. Admittedly, hands up, I knew exactly two things about this movie: It had Christian Bale in it and was some kind of Bride Of Frankenstein movie. Now I will also admit that's all it really took to get my ass in a theater seat but what I got was such a bizarre movie that I don't think I can call it objectively good and yet I respect it and rather like it. This review will utterly fail to sum up this movie and do it justice because it's all over the place. You'd think it would be this reanimation love story but it goes waaaay beyond that! When the movie starts, begins, with the body of a woman possessed by the spirit of Mary Wollstonecraft Shirley you kind of can already guess this is going to be out there! And I'll say it right here right now, I wasn't digging it at first and it took me until the dance club scene for it to kind of start clicking for me and even then it had moments where it was this off putting strange movie, but I simultaneously appreciate and even respect the artistry of it. The movie has themes of identity, feminism, acceptance, and challenging the world around you and those themes do indeed work. But it also kind of goes on tangents that don't amount to all that much in the main story that is told. Oh I certainly will not blame Maggie for this in her directorial debut, this script needed a smidge of ironing but her direction is decent and needless to say bold given the material. You have to walk in with an extraordinarily open mind to not walk away hating it, I certainly don't cause the movie has a lot I do genuinely like and even it's more wacked out moments has appeal. Could I really hate a Frankenstein movie that almost turns into this Bonnie & Clyde type story with dance sequences and actually decent romance? Helllllll naw! Performance wise Jessie Buckley has to juggle a lot and has to stand on an uneven script yet she does very well, affecting a split personality with a penchant for independence that is likeable and you can sympathize with. Christian Bale also is very strong with one of the best physical interpretations of this character in the 21st century, it really is a stellar design in my opinion mixing movie monster with inspiration from The Shadow. The personality is what really struck me most, he's well spoken, cares deeply about the Bride and supports her independence, has a liking for cinema, and has no problems curb stomping a rapist. Good solid man right there, even if he does still tell white lies. The romance is more of a slow burn between them with the Bride after being reinvigorated wanting really nothing to do with Frank which he does accept even if he wants her super bad to be his wife, and after he stops her from being assaulted they slowly grow closer to the point where they are ready to love each other to the end of time. Pretty damn happy ending if you ask me and I'm so conflicted on final scores here. The production for the most part is very good, the story has some kinks and shortcomings but I don't hate it, it's just this mixed bag of quality to where I'm stumped. If I really had to give it something I'll give it 2.5 stars, 7/10, and hopefully this is just the beginning of more new movies to hit the schedule. I'll see you sooner rather than later.

Babygirl

Oh yeah, we are doing this.

Now hands up, full disclosure, I saw this opening day over Christmas break back in 2024. I didn't write a review for it, just wanted to go to the movies to go to the movies, and man was I surprised when I was the only one there. But here we are and I really truly gotta say I really liked it! Centering around a mature CEO who gets entangled in a shaky but dominant relationship wirh a young man(take fucking notes 50 Shades), and really what the fallout of such a relationship is...when she's already married and has kids. I cannot overstate this enough, thank GOD this isn't some erotic thriller bullshit and actually takes a much more mature lens to people in a dominant & submissive relationship. The actors are what sells it but the story has enough going for it to where you do kinda want to see where it all ends. It isn't just steamy fluff you'll forget about. Nicole Kidman is very very good in this movie able to convey a lot of conflicting emotions, I mean yeah it's very realistic, you would have to do some mental gymnastics and a lot of settling in if you were going to pursue a relationship like this so full marks across the board. Plus anybody who can get nekkid on camera has my highest respect. Harris Dickinson is interesting to watch cause he's not really that typical commanding dom, hell they don't even drop the big D Word, he's got emotional baggage, I dare almost want to say he's a touch neurodivergent, he likes control but he's not gonna be an asshole about it. That's so goddamn refreshing and kinda, I don't wanna say nuanced cause I've barely seen any movies like this before, but it feels unique to cinema here. Antonio Banderas though admittedly a minor role is important, I mean he's the husband in all this, so you do feel at least a notch of sympathy and the movie does not shy away from the ramifications of the affair. In terms of production it doesn't look bad in the slightest, shot very candid and really only kinda lets loose at the rave scene which admittedly makes sense, the editing is damn good in my opinion at times, and I got respect for the ending. No spoilers of course but it is almost this bittersweet thing. Now it's not super graphic in the sexual aspect but it is...effective. Let's just leave it at that. It was a trip to watch it again and I know it is far and away from everyone's taste, but I can surefire recommend it anyway. Taking a somewhat taboo relationship and translating it well to screen and doing it with respect must be commended, I give it 3.5 stars, 8/10, fingers crossed for next month cause man the new movie well is dryer than the Sahara so far this year.

Rental Family

I can't even really express in words how upset I was not to see this in theaters.

All you ever had to say was Brendan Fraser in Japan, and my ass would have been in that seat day frickin' one! And what an interesting premise about a struggling actor essentially being hired at a company who supplies people for emotional moments, you could hire them as a friend to hang out with, a husband to wed, an interviewer to tell your life story, and it's all willing from all parties. Now this is new even to me, if this is indeed a legit business in Japan I've never heard of it and I don't even really see a problem with it but the movie does such a good job showcasing the hesitation and unease for someone hired to do a thing. Humans are emotional social creatures in our bones, we love to be around people and share experiences with people, and that is what the movie is about. Building connections. That's fascinating stuff and not only does the director craft an emotional tale but the actors are what makes it work as well as it does. Do I even need to talk about Brendan's performance? That handsome man could sway me into any movie, he does a damn good job and is incredibly believable in the part of Philip. Shannon Gorman for being so young has so much attitude and emotional range as Philip's "daughter" and I was kinda actually surprised how the movie doesn't focus entirely on their relationship. Rather Philip is always onto the next client, like Akira Emoto as novelist Hasegawa who is having memory issues and Philip helps him reclaim memories in a very emotional subplot. Also I'd like to shoutout Takehiro Hira, great to see him again after Shōgun and boy does he have a twist that would make Rod Serling pause, and ho mah gawd Mari Yamamoto I am shamelessly gonna crush on you forever, I'd stand by her and obey her every word because she is the boss in this movie. The film so easily spices the story up with variety, it can be heartfelt, sad, cute, fun, funny, and ultimately enjoyable. The cinematography is naturally going to get a generous heap of love from me, it's a gorgeous country regardless of it's surroundings being either urban or rural. At first it seemed flat but as the movie progressed we got more and more atmsophere to it, more beautiful shots, more brief moments of reflection on nature. And to be perfectly honest I think that's why I love it so much, why I praise it so much, why it steals my heart away and I won't ever care to ask for it back. We don't really do that in America where we shoot cityscapes or landscapes of nature with the same level of beauty or even reverence that japanese filmmakers do. I feel that's a crying shame but I'm happy someone is doing it! It's more a drama than a comedy despite some good humor peppered throughout, and yeah it got me very close to crying in the latter half. I'm...slightly puzzled by the ending and yet I still like it, I'm not sure if there's symbolism at work here or if it really did end on a positive note of quiet introspection, I can't put my finger on it but it works well all the same. I always appreciate foreign films and it is not a movie that goes light on the japanese language, but me being a sucker for that and being a subtitle enthusiast since DVD players started getting big it was far from a deal breaker for me. I very much liked it, I thought it was a different kind of love story that worked quite well for this week, and yeah it does make you appreciate all the more the people you already have in your life and could make you excited about the people you've yet to meet. 3 stars, 7.5/10, and our next film is going to be a doozy so join me on V-Day for something...less than family friendly.