Lego Star Wars: Terrifying Tales

Halloween may be over but nobody's ever really gone.

After the cute fun time I had with the holiday special, I figured it would be nice to see the next one dip it's toes into more scary territory. I liked it a good deal, and I thought the story was handled really well with Poe crashing on Mustafar and finding Vader's castle, and after reading the cool Tales From Vader's Castle comic I expected more of the same here, and I got it with Vaneer who somehow is still alive after so many years, imparting tales steeped in the morals of the dark side while searching for Sith treasures. I really dig how they took so many little nods to the horror genre in this, a lot of it being classic stuff with The Old Dark House plot of travellers being somewhere they shouldn't, the anthology nature of the stories The Twilight Zone style, treasure hunting cursed relics, a hilarious spoof of The Shining, they had a lot of fun with this and while it wouldn't slightly intimidate younger audiences the comedy is still spot on. And yes I had the time of my life seeing Luke Skywalker join the Imperial Academy and train under Lord Vader, that is how the movies should have went and I will hear nothing else, it was beautiful, funny, and perfect. 10/10 for that story segment! I know it's primarily for laughs and shouldn't be taken seriously at all but I really liked certain aspects of the stories and would love to know more about it. Voice cast is still spot on with very good sound alikes, while still having veterans from the Clone Wars series work their magic. Hell seeing Sam Witwer still play Maul as serious even in this comedy is worth it alone, he juggles that so well but is it any surprise that I'm not fawning over this man and his performance. We love you Sam, always. I give it 3 stars, 7/10, and it is high time I finally catch up on the Star Wars shows. Long have I waited for visions from distant lands, and the continuation after the fallout of the clone wars.

In Retrospect: The Clone Wars (Season 7)

On this hallowed day, I wish to look back on an item that must be revisited.

Now I will say this now, so let it be written so let it be done, my overall stance on the final season of Clone Wars has not changed. I still feel as a culmination, a finale, a true and final goodbye to an excellent piece of television that through years of good storytelling and fan ressurection was able to conclude, it did fall flat. Mostly. I voiced my opinion on several platforms and was met with harsh critique with scoffs and guffaws aplenty, but I defended and discussed my views on the matter because it is how I genuinely feel. I wanted to take the time to see it again if only wondering if I was a bit harsh on it. Not so much on production in terms of animation, voice acting, and direction but the actual storylines presented. I was so not there for the Bad Batch storyline but on rewatch there were good elements, with Rex wanting beyond hope that Echo could still be alive, and the Bad Batch though ridiculously simple in terms of character traits and inspiration from 80s actionsploitation did have humorous moments and didn't feel shoved in the story unnecessarily, plus the scene with Anakin and Padme was incredibly endearing. I now see it as an okay arc but still not a story that was dying to be told in the final season. Now on the flipside, the Ahsoka arc with the Martez sisters is still absolute shite, completely wasting the reintroduction of a character that people have wanted to see again since Rebels ended, the plot is the definition of padding and roundabout accomplishing nothing besides the most basic yet most interesting part of the story which is nothing but setup for the final arc. The Martez sisters I almost say are the most hated Star Wars characters of all, and the only reason I can't say that is because I have not read all the books and comics to undisputedly confirm that. I have never witnessed in all my years of television viewing a more skippable slate of episodes that I feel is an inexcusable waste of time not just for the viewer but the overall story. Final arc, 12/10. Absolute god tier Star Wars to this day, spending every second creating an atmosphere of dread, uncertainty, and the loss of all hope. To see Ahsoka be pushed to an unparalleled point, to see Maul cement his final stake as one of the best characters in this universe, I cannot stress how perfectly they crafted this final story. I would pay theater prices to see it, I would buy those last 4 episodes alone on video, I will sit on this hill to my dying day that the siege of Mandalore arc is the best finale to any show ever. It pays it all off in nothing short of aces. Yet I still shout from the highest mountaintops to the lowest depths of the valleys, why oh why was that all there was of such a remarkable and brilliant story? I feel it is such a monumental missed opportunity and I genuinely hope The Bad Batch does not suffer a similar fate. I'll get that review out when all the episodes are present. I bump my score up to a 7/10, and I'll be back with some Mando goodness next time.

Tales Of Halloween

This hurts.

In a world where we don't get many anthology movies let alone horror anthologies I was very interested to see Tales Of Halloween, and reading through the cast list gave me hope. We get Adrienne Barbeau, Lin Shaye, cameos from John Landis and Joe Dante, and of course Sam Witwer. Sign me up and throw me in, hell yeah! But. But....it was mostly forgettable. And dude, that sucks to say. But it's true, it's a collection of 10 stories over the course of 90 minutes which already is a red flag because with such limited time for these stories there's simply no meat on the bones, what you see is what you get. Which may satisfy some but for me it was a rollercoaster of quality, with only the last two stories being my favorites! Now does that mean there is no artistic, stylistic, well made concepts and executions? Of course not, but that's sort of the catch with anthology movies. You never know what you're gonna get, and it could be a tonal and quality mess. Akira Kurosawa's Dreams is an outstanding anthology, with a handful of stories told with breathtaking visuals, well written stories, and enough substance for the audience to infer and enjoy. But it all came from one source, he directed all the segments and wrote them thus creating a better film. With 10 stories in Tales Of Halloween they had 11 directors and 12 writers. That is a f***ing problem. You get many wildly different stories in concept and execution, some looking like horror movie fluff and some bordering on student film arthouse, all of which are happening in the same town again very much like Trick r' Treat. And there ain't much entertainment value from it, the actors do fine and none are really bad at all, but the stories have no time to grow and breathe to create atmosphere and give us likable characters, it's quantity over quality. I called the twists for about 90% of these stories because I've watched way too much Twilight Zone and a bit of Tales From The Crypt, but even I know if you or someone you know who hasn't watched those shows are smart enough to figure this shit out. Sam Witwer alone saved this movie from being a forgettable and unremarkable film, I just appreciate that man so much already, the handsome devil, but he has such great screen presence and comedic timing that he made me excited to watch this movie. But he's the second to last story. And the last story was my other favorite, again down to the main character this badass cop who gets all these crazy stories down at the precinct and she goes out to try to deal with it. Beautiful! Perfect! That's all I need! Go forth and wreck shit babe. But! Again! We had 15 minutes of film left and surprise asshole, it ends on a cliffhanger and there is literally 6 minutes of credits so have fun with that shithead! And things were starting to look up for me. I just...God I had hope, I had hope it would be good but sometimes the IMDB stars don't lie. 2.5 stars, 6/10, what a f***ing bummer to go out on the day before Halloween. But I got nothing else, no extra reviews, no tricks up my sleeve, no further horror reviews in November. You get nothing! You lose! I hate it. See you in November, happiest of Halloweens to all and to all a good night.

The Clone Wars: Season 7

I'm a bit disappointed guys.

Really? R-really?? This is the last season of Clone Wars, you ended it the way that you did, the show can never come back, and this is how you handle it? Don't get me wrong the last 4 episodes are spectacular, gorgeous, outstanding, amazing, some of the best Star Wars media I have ever seen in my days. But the other 2/3 of the series? Jesus. I don't know what to say. Okay, so we pick up after season 6 with three story arcs, one focusing on a group of clones called The Bad Batch as they work with Rex and Anakin on just a standard mission with the possibility of rescuing a familiar face, one where we see what Ahsoka has been doing in the most mind numbingly worthless arc I have ever witnessed in The Clone Wars, and the final arc where events are interwoven with Revenge Of The Sith as Ahsoka faces off against Maul and fights for her survival. I'm absolutely dumbfounded at the choices presented. Granted the animation is breathtaking at times like we're talking better than Pixar level quality and you just think about that for a second! I thought the animation was pretty great from the last two seasons but this is just through the stratosphere in terms of quality. I could not dream of better animation with slight but still logical design changes to the characters. The voice acting is still excellent with all the regulars returning, with huge love to Ashley Eckstein and Dee Bradley Baker this time around. But the stories are what murders this season before my very eyes. I just....this should not be how it ends. I feel like I jumped dimensions where this is the reality where the last season of Clone Wars was just an underwhelming and mostly disappointing finale to a beloved and frankly amazing show. You know, all seasons of Clone Wars have dud episodes that you can skip, that is just the world of TV series. But I just feel like we wasted more than half of this final season on superflous stuff. I could have never watched this show weekly because I think I would have quit real early on. In fact it took me considerable time to actually get into the Bad Batch arc, for the first time ever I was actively rooting for the clones to die, they were such annoying dipshits with way too much of a 80s action hero vibe to them to the point where I was facepalming regularly. Do not lie to me or to yourself, he was Rambo. I will say I was in love with their armor, and I liked seeing Anakin and Rex one last time, and even the ending was strong. But after the second arc I was seriously becoming more appreciative of the first arc. So we get an arc with Ahsoka (Hurrah!) where we see what she's been up to since leaving the Order which consists of helping two completely f***ing useless characters from getting killed after they get roped into dealing with gangsters. Seriously, I was fuming mad at these sisters and their uncanny quality of being absolute dipshits with no substance of character or even enjoyment. It is without a shadow of a doubt the most worthless episodes I have ever seen in this show. They did nothing! All it was was to set up the vastly superior next group of episodes. We don't get hardly any interesting character development, or fun action and banter, or compelling stories! You get nothing!! You lose! Well at least we don't get some forced romance bullf***ery. But then comes the last four episodes, exceeding every expectation and reality in crafting one of the best stories in Star Wars history, with lots of character moments, compelling action, well written dialogue, and truly engrossing storytelling. So riddle me this, why was this all that we got? I really would not have much to complain about if either A.) We got more Clone Wars episodes so we can get more stories like that, or B.) If this wasn't the last season, which to be perfectly frank I was gonna call quadruple bullshit on because I had a suspicion they were going to give us one more season after this, but the story elements and how the show truly ends quickly put that theory into it's grave. This is it. This is the end. It's never coming back. I hope you enjoy that Disney+ subscription because I can gurantee you that if this was the only reason you got it, then you have mostly wasted your money. I understand that these stories were created before the show got cancelled on Cartoon Network, I understand that the 6th season was finished but premiered on Netflix and was released on video, I understand why they chose these stories. We get a focus on the clones, and the survival of a character. We get an Ahsoka arc where she's still dealing with leaving the Jedi, meets other people who kind of prove why she left, and we get some cool Jedi Fallen Order stuff with her trying to hide what she is. We have a story that caps off not only the event of the clone wars but also the show with every ounce of drama, action, and character you could squeeze out of it delivering a truly unforgettable story. But were the first two stories the best that could be told? You get to wrap up your show that you have been creating for years, you get one shot to make the biggest and best season of this show ever, and this is what you do with it? Because when you boil it down to each little story goes as follows, a no stakes, average at best, somewhat retconning arc. A worthless, almost devoid of character, complete roundabout that accomplishes nothing or says anything (seriously take a shot everytime one of these people get caught). And a spectacular weaving of both film and show, with strong characters, excellent action, and enough intrigue and excitement that does not disappoint, culminating in a final end to the series. This pains me to say but the final season of Clone Wars is average. Because what happens if you add a great and bad arc? It equals an average, and what happens when you add average with average? You get middle of the road. I can scarcely believe it. Is this how people felt with the final season of Game Of Thrones or how people felt with The Rise Of Skywalker? My love has not waned for Rise Of Skywalker but this could be the hardest slap in the face I have endured as a fan since the word "midi-chlorians", in fact I sensed something was going to be off just based on the episode count. When I heard there was only going to be 12 episodes I was nervous, how do you wrap up a show in 12 episodes? You better have crafted one of the most tightly written stories, dialogue, and action ever, akin to more like a mini-series style of writing, which they did....only in the last 1/3 of the season. How could it be that hard? You've had 4 to 5 years, 5 years since the last episode aired on Cartoon Network, 4 years since season 6 hit video, and this is all there is?? Oh my God! I know Dave Filoni was busy with Rebels but if anything that should have given him even more ideas to connect back to Clone Wars that we could see and admire, maybe not a lot but just a few bits. To be honest by my count, Filoni only wrote the last 4 episodes which shock of all shocks were the best ones but he didn't write the others. Dave Filoni gets Star Wars, the man can create brilliant stories with everything great about Star Wars incorporated into it. So I am not hating on Dave. It just feels underwhelming when it's supposed to be a climactic end to an event that literally shaped the galaxy. Now what would I have done personally? Pretty much keep the mini-series aspect of it, kind of half and half with the second half focusing on Episode 3 with the battle over Coruscant and Order 66 happening across the galaxy and the drama coinciding with that, still keeping the Ahsoka and Maul plot of course, and the first half would be focusing on Anakin and the clones showing him and the 501st in action alongside Obi-Wan as we see the toll of the war on Anakin and how he is getting a bit more violent and dark on the battlefield as an ominous mood hangs over our heroes that we have been watching for years. Really pull on the heartstrings and infuse drama as we witness the climax and fallout of the end of the clone wars. Now I will say with nothing but sincerity and love, the actual ending was perfect, I could not have dreamed of a better ending in a 1,000 years. No dialogue, just scenery, music, and emotion. It was ridiculously good and the perfect way to showcase the end of an era. But even that cannot save this mixed bag. 2.5 stars, 6.5/10. I still very much urge people to watch it and come to your opinions because I know a lot of people really enjoyed this season, and while my feelings were in a practically nonexistent niche you just gotta do you. Next time, we revisit the rise of Palpatine, uh I mean Skywalker.

The Clone Wars: Season 5

Well unfortunately this season suffers much like the last but Jesus does it end in an unforgettable way.

It starts out really blah, with young Saw Gerrera leading a rebellion, and like the water war of last season it goes on and on, but then it perks up a bit with Ahsoka leading young Jedi to find their lightsaber crystals and it's a good episode. Then it just keeps going. And going. And going like the damn Energizer bunny! It's worse than Saw's rebellion, at least that had content to span out over a few episodes, the young Jedi arc should have stopped after the first part. Then we get a adventure story with R2 and a handful of other drouds going on a mission which is all fine and good, yes it drags but we get to see a Republic Commando in action and for hardcore fans it makes up for the okay story. It's kinda sad how the "last" season of Clone Wars is padded out so much, literally half of the season is padding! But if you make it past that, Maul goes on a tour de force amassing a criminal empire and exacting a bit of revenge on Obi-Wan which some could argue is the best part of the season, not only does it show off Maul's combat prowess against Pre Visla the head of Death Watch, in a fight so excellent it has gained over 10 million views on YouTube, but also the most dark side fueled duel in history. Mother of mercy this is f***ing hardcore man! But in my humble opinion, the last story arc is the best. Ahsoka Tano, a beloved character we have seen grow and develop into a true Jedi is framed for a bombing on the Jedi Temple itself, leading both her and Anakin to try and find the true culprit. And it's a giant pushing force for Anakin to do what he does in Episode 3, but causes waves of events to happen and some we have not seen yet. It's hard not to get choked up at the end. Imagine if you watched that when it was on TV, imagine if this was the last Clone Wars episode ever. No season 6 on Netflix, no continuation of the series five years after it ended, nope it just ends. That is a downer ending! I'm almost afraid to watch future Clone Wars episodes because it can seriously damage the emotional reputation of this episode. It's why the season two finale of Rebels was a big deal! I know we will talk about the 6th season tomorrow, but for me this is how The Clone Wars ended. Not with an exciting bang, but an emotionally charged finale.

The Clone Wars: Season 4

Well I wish I could say it started off strong.

Now don't get me wrong, this is not a Gotham situation where every season until the 4th has been great, it's still pretty damn good with a lot of great stories and character moments but jeez is there some padding before the good stuff. We start off with an underwater invasion on Mon Cala, which is okay....if it didn't go on for 4 damn episodes. It gets old. Fast. Why couldn't we have this for the invasion of Kamino? There's nothing fundamentally wrong with it, it's a welcome change of pace in terms of the battlefield, it's interesting seeing a young Admiral Ackbar, but it just goes on, and on, and on. How can a season begin and already pull the drag chute? But wait there's more! Then we go on to R2 and 3PO meandering about for 2 episodes and it is not an improvement on the first four episodes. You can immediately skip 6 episodes in this 22 episode long season already. But thankfully after that it's hit after hit until the end and I can safely say the Umbara four parter is excellent, dealing with Captain Rex under the command of a brutish and unsympathetic general, and honestly I was getting 'Nam flashbacks like crazy. Soldiers brought into a battlefield where the enemy is hardly ever seen and completely decimates ground forces to the point they need to call in air strikes, and a leader who will not pull the troops out of a hopeless situation. Yeah. It's grim. And as each episode goes on the tension mounts until shit goes down. I mean Jesus! That is how you should start this season! We move along to a decent three parter with Anakin and friends dealing with slavers, which hits home for our Chosen One but also Ahsoka who's people are captured and used as slave labor. Good story, good character development, solid B+. I will admit I like the premise of Ahsoka teaming up with a past Separatist who battles bounty hunters from Mandalore, but the only problem is I hate this kid. Yeah there's a lot of hate for kids in this show for me, he's an unlikable whiny jerk who tries to martyr himself and the only thing I can say is, I do NOT ship it! But don't worry, we get more bounty hunter adventures with Obi-Wan faking his death and going undercover, so we get awesome angry Anakin moments, a fantastic entertaining episode called The Box, and of course Cad Bane. Woop woop! And then we end on a high note. Darth f***ing Maul is back. And it is every bit of awesome as you think! That is how you end a season. You gurantee a surplus of viewers for the next season to see the best part of Phantom Menace back and kicking ass more than ever! Beautiful, perfect, 10/10! Yeah I'm biased towards the Sith, but only the wisest are. I will say the animation got better and for good reason, the creators wanted to get Maul to look impressive and real so they upgraded the quality of the graphics and it does look excellent, not to mention Starkiller voice actor himself Sam Witwer who is the biggest pimp in Star Wars next to James Earl Jones of course, dude deserves awards and more fans, that's all I'm saying! I am stoked for next season so I can gush relentlessly over Maul so stick around!