Santa Claus Conquers The Martians

Not as action packed as the title suggests.

Admittedly I liked it better than the '59 Santa Claus but I wouldn't say it's good still. Still made during a particular high of science fiction filmmaking albeit on a low budget, the story goes that a group of martians intend on kidnapping the big red man for their own children's joy as infighting breaks loose on the martian side, two kids get swept up in the story for some reason or another, and a robot is woefully underused. It's an odd mix without a shadow of a doubt and severely lacks any of the heart that was somewhat present in the last movie but has it's own niche and unique charm. The set design and costuming is basic yet inventive, the color grading though washed out and no doubt from a rough surviving print unmistakeably is very 60s, and I think that's why it's as memorable as it is. Aside from a catching title the look is why it's kinda stuck around in the underbelly of Christmas films. Hell I heard about the movie years before Mystery Science Theater came to my attention, and maybe some of you hardcore veterans of Cinemassacre remember James' review on it roughly around 2008. It's for younger kids without a doubt though there is a chance they might like it and it'll become one of those nostalgic guilty pleasures, a rite of passage all of us share. John Call looks spectacular as Santa, he really nails the look and the more hands on toy maker aspect of this beloved icon and it does kinda make me laugh hearing his accent come through making him the most New Yawk-er Santa's ever. And I gotta say for actor's wearing such outlandish costumes both Leonard Hicks and Vincent Beck play this shit deaaaad flippin' straight, dare I almost say bringing a touch of gravitas to playing people from Mars which is both admirable and surprising. The kids actually aren't half bad as well, Victor Stiles and Donna Conforti though not having much to do and are a farcry from the children empowering fantasy one might expect in a movie like this, they do okay. I love the robot design the martians deploy to kidnap Santa, this boxy itterly homemade yet endearingly classic design just puts a smile on my face but damn it we needed more robot in this! Of course I watched this movie riffing intact which made it quite fun, and blimey the last time I reviewed a movie with the MST3K treatment was Space Mutiny so this was a welcome little treat in a season I mostly detest. So I give it 2 stars, 5/10, and while I certainly wish I did far more for this month, tomorrow is another day or perhaps I should say another year. Time seems to be moving at warp factor 9 these days and I feel like I'm fading bit by bit, but my enjoyment to keep writing even if not at the stellar pace of my previous years hasn't dimmed. I sure hope the holidays haven't been as hectic for you as they have been for me, and that you are in good spirits. I'll definitely see you next year my friends and I hope I have more groovy things for you to watch and enjoy. So be safe, eat and drink and be merry, see you in 2026.

Santa Claus (1959)

Ooh boy, here we go.

Big strong apologies for not getting any new movies in this month, even I can't believe how busy this holiday season has gotten. But never dettered and with an itch to watch Mystery Science Theater of late, I have decided to give two strange cult Christmas movies a fair shake. Starting first with the 1959 film from Mexico purely titled Santa Claus, and now I am endlessly curious how other countries view Santa after this. Cause what in the literal nine circles of Hades was that?? I'm not even rightly sure how to explain what I saw, it is an odd tale and I feel like I've indulged in some hard substance abuse so bear with me. Okay, so Santa Claus lives up in the heavens in a castle on a cloud where he has children from every country on Earth as essential slave labor to make toys (Jesus wept, that is a bigger yikes than you can believe!), and on his nightly trip to deliver presents is hounded by a literal demon in service to Satan who not only wants Santa to fail but also to corrupt children to be eeeeevil! You got all that? Well it only gets weirder from there. Now I know, it's a lower budget movie and they had to work with what they got. The sets are basic but never feel empty, and in the case of Santa's castle in the sky (how I'd rather be watching that movie) is downright trippy yet albeit imaginative shall we say. The dubbing is...not very good and I feel watching it in it's native spanish would be a huge upgrade. The pacing is mutilatingly slow, I feel I could literally freeze to death like Jack Torrence faster and this movie is just a bit over an hour and a half, and if it wasn't for the talents of Mike and the Bots I would be hitting the booze hard to numb the pain. The actors kinda range but I feel every performance was directed to be a certain way, Santa has probably the creepiest laugh I've ever heard in my laugh but the actor José Elías Moreno still has the heart buried under all the wacked out weird stuff like robotic reindeer and being friends with THE Merlin, it has these little glimmers of heart when he interacts with kids and shows that he does care for them always and does want them to have happy lives. That's wonderful stuff but the rest of the movie is so try hard and just fails spectacularly at being cute and happy at every other turn. The demon Pitch played by José Luis Aguirre is so out there, practically pantomime in his evil performance and the makeup is even more outlandish, but I do have to admit he looks like he's having a ball prancing about being an infernal thorn in Santa's backside. The sorta kinda main girl we follow amidst all this Lupita played appropriately by Lupita Quezadas is so gosh darn, holy moly, cutest most precious little thing and she barely has to act, seeing her meager surroundings coming from a poor family and having concerns she won't get a doll, it gets me. It's such a clash of real world situations and moments of heartfelt emotions along with this saccharine weird ass nonsense. I feel this movie could be remade and it could kinda work, seeing Santa take up his Saint status to battle hellish evil while delivering gifts. That's not a horrible concept and frankly an original one! And the funny part is, the movie was fairly well recieved when it came out and got repeat showings on TV! But now it's just a curious oddity of the holiday season, 1.5 stars, 4.5/10. We got an equally weird one next time for you too, shifting from adversaries in the bowels of the earth to creatures from another world as Santa Claus Conquers The Martians!