Monday, March 25, 2024

Godzilla Singular Point

Ohhhh! Oh my God! You'd think....you'd THINK after I was burned not once, not twice, but three times a lady by Netflix when it comes to Godzilla I'd have learned.




What?? How? Where? Why??? You know, I didn't walk into this series with the intent to hate it. I walked in about as blind as I usually am, and for the first maybe two episodes I was rolling with it, and then...it's kinda my own fault. Let me break this down for you and take a peek behind the curtain into my head and how I review television shows, unless it's a long ass season with long episodes I watch the entire thing in one sitting, specifically for the reason that I have all the information and points I want to address in my head and I can just write it to the end. With Singular Point I watched the 13 episodes over the course of three days, the latter half of the season in one day but I was still sick and trashed for those other two, and this is so not a show that you can put down and come back to at a later point in time. I have never dreamed that a Godzilla plot could be this, I don't even know what the fuck to call it! I'm not generally a person who gets lost in the details of plot and character motivations, I have 9 years of writing to prove that point now, but for the sheer life of me I have absolutely no goddamn clue what in the 23 flavors of Dr. Pepper happens in this show. I got nothing, I seriously can't write anything because I just don't know. All I know is I want those hours of my life back. The plot is split between really just two characters but there's so many third parties as well and it's so complicated to keep all the strands in the old Duder's head clear to know what the hell they are even doing. Best I could gather is this engineering guy named Yun is helping out this ├╝ber genius student something or other gal named Mei as to why all of a sudden this mysterious red dust is bringing forth waves of kaiju to tear shit up real good, meanwhile all these suits are experimenting with said red dust for....I don't even got a clue. It doesn't help matters at all that this is the most overly written, confusing, inane, trying so hard to be mindblowing, pretentious horseshit I have ever heard in my entire life! You know how when The Matrix came out and people were just eating the dialogue up as the most revolutionary thing they've ever heard, it's like that times like 10,000. It's the only time in my existence that people have talked about transtemporal situations and I am completely lost. If this is what The Matrix movies are like, I'm gonna be taking it up the ass when I finally get around to seeing those movies. I'm absolutely speechless at this dialogue. If anybody wants to translate after telling me you just don't get it, okay fine. I'm an idiot. Now please make sense of this. It can't be done. Does even the plot synopsis on frakking Wikipedia make a lick of sense? And you know what, the rest of the details about the show I honestly don't mind! The animation is pretty good, it does that weird ass thing where the kaiju are that semi-2D but really 3D animation style which I really am not a fan of, but other than that it's a solid looking show. Voice cast (I viewed it in japanese) was just fine and dandy. Music, eh kinda here and there but I can live with it. The actual character designs for both humans and monsters are the epitome of hit or miss, more so in the monsters category to be transparent. Godzilla is passable, not my favorite design or least favorite, and it probably is zero surprise they take some leafs out of Shin Godzilla's book here. Anguirus actually looks metal as hell, favorite design of his ever! Rodan on the other hand, what even in the hell, just take a pteranodon and multiply by the number of pi, literally a gaggle, a swarm, a flock of freaking frauds! Surprisingly Gabara gets an appearance with a sorta neat look even if he dies more times than Sammael in Hellboy, seriously what?? And last but not least Jet Jaguar, who easily gets more time in this show than Godzilla so hey history repeats itself yet again, and I kinda dig the more robotically crafted body though it retains the iconography of the character. And the more I genuinely think about it, all the human characters I liked best had fuck all to do with this rambling, cracked out, nonsense of a storyline. Goro, he's a crazy old bastard who's off his rocker and literally made a mech suit and named it Jet Jaguar, awesome! Lina, simple sweet girl who gets dragged into the plot, I actually really love her design and would bash someone's kneecaps out to taste her cooking. Satomi, uh wow hello there, moving swiftly on! Makita, swell guy who seems like a handyman extraordinaire and we spent too brief a time with him. Everyone else, I could live without. I'm legitimately so pissed off that I'm pissed off, did I want to just waltz in here and eviscerate Singular Point? That would be a naw from me dawg, but good God it gave me nothing. I hate when I give something a bad review, and I'm sweating spinal fluid over here because I got the Skull Island animated show up next! Son of a bitch. I refuse to hope, hope is for rebel scum and kumquats (or something that rhymes with quats). 1.5 stars, 4/10, I'm moving on.

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